All relationships run into problems from time to time. You could fill an entire book if you tried to list every possible problem. As soon as you finished someone would come up with more problems to add.
There are as many relationship problems as there are relationships. We're all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It will come as no surprise then, that there isn't one root cause for all marriage problems.
Since you're unique, any problems you are experiencing may have a unique root cause or causes. It can be difficult to discover the root causes but it is possible with determination and teamwork. The first step is to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation.
The goal of this first conversation is to bring up your concerns and to narrow down the possible areas that may be at the root of your relationship problems. Surprisingly, it is not uncommon for one partner to be completely unaware that the other partner feels that there is a problem.
Most marriage counselors agree that the three biggest root causes of marital problems are money, sex and children. If you and your spouse can come to an understanding on these three issues then you've gone a long way toward a successful marriage.
Any of the "big 3" issues can destroy a marriage if the two of you can't come reach an agreement on them. Lets assume that you and your spouse have resolved any issues surrounding the three most common problem areas. We now need to look at a couple of the less common root causes.
Trust, or more specifically, the lack of trust is often a problem. This issue is more common in newer marriages. But suspicions can work their way into any marriage. It is time to sit down and have a talk about trust if you feel that your partner isn't being completely honest. Be prepared to discuss specific events that have made you question your trust.
Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, and consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.
Compatibility may be at the root of your relationship problems. Compatibility issues don't usually show up for years. As life marches on, we all change. Early in your relationship you may have had many common interests. Perhaps you were both into dancing, skiing or NASCAR. Now you find that your interests have drifted apart.
There are many more possible root causes for marital problems. Finding the root cause is a very important step in the process. But it is only the first step. Once you have found the root problem it is time to begin working on the solution.
There are many avenues open to you in your quest to repair your marriage. Marriage counseling is a good choice if you and your spouse can't find the root cause. There is also a lot of great marriage advice available in book and in online products.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
How To Set a Budget for a Family Tradition -By Denise Witmer,
You can alleviate 90% of the stress you feel when planning a family vacation or the holiday season if you budget for it. Setting up a budget for family events throughout the year is as important as setting the time and date. You can know what you want to do and when, but it isn’t going to happen – or it won’t be any fun - if there are no funds.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 2 hours
Here's How:
1. Take a look at what you spent on the event the previous year or if this is the first time, estimate how much it will be. This is your cost.
2. Do some research. Evaluate the price tag and see if there is any chance of going up before the event. If so, add that amount to your cost.
3. Calculate how much time, in weeks or by pay schedule, you have before the family event.
4. Divide your cost by how many weeks, or how many pay periods, you have to save for it.
5. Open a special bank savings account where you can transfer the amount so that it is not sitting with your money for expenses.
6. Every time you get paid, pay yourself first by transferring your budgeted amount into your savings account.
7. Don’t give up. If your household budget gets tight, let it be a little tighter. Family traditions form a sense of unity in the family. Your children need that – and so do you.
Tips:
1. Start now!
2. If the amount is too much for you to save weekly, you’ll need to re-evaluate the event or find a side job to bring in some extra income.
3. Would you give your teen their own credit card?
* Yes.
* Yes, but one that I can control.
* No way!
* Not sure.
See the poll results.
4.
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
* Quiz: Are you raising a healthy teen?
* Quiz: Is your teen safe online?
* Quiz: Do you have a case of parental burnout?
* Quiz: Is your teen over-scheduled?
* Quiz: Are you raising a mean girl?
* How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
* Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?
More Teens How To's
Suggested Reading
Five Reasons to Teach Budgeting in the Teen YearsAll Family Budget ArticlesHow to Give ChoicesParenting Quiz: Are You a Pushover Parent?How much rent should teens pay?
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 2 hours
Here's How:
1. Take a look at what you spent on the event the previous year or if this is the first time, estimate how much it will be. This is your cost.
2. Do some research. Evaluate the price tag and see if there is any chance of going up before the event. If so, add that amount to your cost.
3. Calculate how much time, in weeks or by pay schedule, you have before the family event.
4. Divide your cost by how many weeks, or how many pay periods, you have to save for it.
5. Open a special bank savings account where you can transfer the amount so that it is not sitting with your money for expenses.
6. Every time you get paid, pay yourself first by transferring your budgeted amount into your savings account.
7. Don’t give up. If your household budget gets tight, let it be a little tighter. Family traditions form a sense of unity in the family. Your children need that – and so do you.
Tips:
1. Start now!
2. If the amount is too much for you to save weekly, you’ll need to re-evaluate the event or find a side job to bring in some extra income.
3. Would you give your teen their own credit card?
* Yes.
* Yes, but one that I can control.
* No way!
* Not sure.
See the poll results.
4.
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
* Quiz: Are you raising a healthy teen?
* Quiz: Is your teen safe online?
* Quiz: Do you have a case of parental burnout?
* Quiz: Is your teen over-scheduled?
* Quiz: Are you raising a mean girl?
* How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
* Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?
More Teens How To's
Suggested Reading
Five Reasons to Teach Budgeting in the Teen YearsAll Family Budget ArticlesHow to Give ChoicesParenting Quiz: Are You a Pushover Parent?How much rent should teens pay?
Bringing Debts into a Marriage-By Nathan Dawson
Are you a credit card junkie? Credit card debt can often be a big, deep, dark secret for someone preparing for marriage. It’s an uncomfortable subject to talk about. Do you bring it up before or after he slips the engagement ring on your finger (or before you slip it onto hers)? Or do you wait until after all the marriage preparations are in place?
If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.
How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then get some financial marriage advice or premarital counseling.
Couple counseling can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.
If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.
How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then get some financial marriage advice or premarital counseling.
Couple counseling can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.
Money Matters: Strengthen Your Marriage by Putting Finances in Order- by Cynthia Cooper
Did you know that 43% of all married couples argue over money issues, making it the major reason couples fight? If you and your spouse handle money differently, now is the time to talk, establish expectations, and draw up a financial plan.
Money is a very big part of a marriage. Having enough to spend, and to do the things each wants to do, is important to both parties. When couples are not able to do that, then other issues pop up in the relationship. When husband and wife are not on the same page as far as family finances go, other difficulties inevitably arise.
Effective communication often emerges as the most difficult obstacle to establishing goals and expectations, and developing a financial plan. Many of us have been taught during childhood that discussing money is somehow inappropriate. Couples must understand that it is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary to managing finances in a marriage. Just as finances must be planned in a business, they must also be planned in a marriage. You must communicate in spite of any difficulty.
For example, how do you get your spouse to understand that he or she will need to curb their spending habits so that you both can begin putting money away?
There s got to be a viable agreement, because most couples discover that a lack of money, a lack of spending control, or a lack of fall-back savings eventually causes other problems in a marriage. Little things grow into much bigger things. However, as emphasized by Daniel Smith a noted financial expert cited in The Marriage Medics, future arguments over finances can be avoided by simply communicating, creating an understanding of expectations, setting objectives and agreeing on a financial roadmap.
The Marriage Medics outlines the following financial plan of attack for couples of any age:
1. Stop living beyond your means.
2. Treat the household like a business.
3. Create an income-and-expense statement.
4. Create a balance sheet.
5. Create a budget.
6. Figure out how to pay down your debt. Agree on a plan of action in which you both share equally in cutbacks.
7. Find ways to cut expenses.
8. Go on a debt diet starting with the little stuff.
9. Have only one credit card for your entire family.
10. Celebrate when you pay off a debt.
There are many resources for help in creating family budgets and living within them. For instance, Jim Miller, a Registered Investment Advisor, author of Retire Dollar Smart, and the host of a financial advice radio show is an excellent source. In sum, married couples have an important opportunity to plant the seeds for a healthy marriage by simply talking with each other, being realistic about expectations, and making that financial plan. Money matters!
Money is a very big part of a marriage. Having enough to spend, and to do the things each wants to do, is important to both parties. When couples are not able to do that, then other issues pop up in the relationship. When husband and wife are not on the same page as far as family finances go, other difficulties inevitably arise.
Effective communication often emerges as the most difficult obstacle to establishing goals and expectations, and developing a financial plan. Many of us have been taught during childhood that discussing money is somehow inappropriate. Couples must understand that it is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary to managing finances in a marriage. Just as finances must be planned in a business, they must also be planned in a marriage. You must communicate in spite of any difficulty.
For example, how do you get your spouse to understand that he or she will need to curb their spending habits so that you both can begin putting money away?
There s got to be a viable agreement, because most couples discover that a lack of money, a lack of spending control, or a lack of fall-back savings eventually causes other problems in a marriage. Little things grow into much bigger things. However, as emphasized by Daniel Smith a noted financial expert cited in The Marriage Medics, future arguments over finances can be avoided by simply communicating, creating an understanding of expectations, setting objectives and agreeing on a financial roadmap.
The Marriage Medics outlines the following financial plan of attack for couples of any age:
1. Stop living beyond your means.
2. Treat the household like a business.
3. Create an income-and-expense statement.
4. Create a balance sheet.
5. Create a budget.
6. Figure out how to pay down your debt. Agree on a plan of action in which you both share equally in cutbacks.
7. Find ways to cut expenses.
8. Go on a debt diet starting with the little stuff.
9. Have only one credit card for your entire family.
10. Celebrate when you pay off a debt.
There are many resources for help in creating family budgets and living within them. For instance, Jim Miller, a Registered Investment Advisor, author of Retire Dollar Smart, and the host of a financial advice radio show is an excellent source. In sum, married couples have an important opportunity to plant the seeds for a healthy marriage by simply talking with each other, being realistic about expectations, and making that financial plan. Money matters!
Managing Household Finances as a Couple.by Sheri & Bob Stritof
It doesn't make any difference if you have money or if you don't have money. If the two of you have different spending habits, different savings goals, different thoughts about investing, or different fears about being poor, then financial problems will eventually surface in your marriage.
It's quite possible that the one making the most money may try to control all the finances. Sometimes a power struggle concerning money will creep into your marriage.
"Like success, money is an emotionally volatile issue for most women. It's probably the most complicated relationship we have—and the one that most controls our lives because we let it." ~ Sara Ban Breathnach, author, Simple Abundance.
How Many Checking Accounts?
Financial planners generally recommend that individuals in a marriage relationship who have disposable income should each have their own account. They can then save or spend money as they want without having to justify the expenditure or feel guilty about spending the money.
Importance of Talking About Finances in Your Marriage
Even though it is difficult sometimes to face into your feelings and thoughts about money, it is imperative that a married couple make time to discuss their finances and to make decisions together about budgets, short- and long-term goals, and investment strategies.
Examine your childhoods and expectations about money. Respect one another's values and find ways to compromise in how you will deal with your financial differences.
It's quite possible that the one making the most money may try to control all the finances. Sometimes a power struggle concerning money will creep into your marriage.
"Like success, money is an emotionally volatile issue for most women. It's probably the most complicated relationship we have—and the one that most controls our lives because we let it." ~ Sara Ban Breathnach, author, Simple Abundance.
How Many Checking Accounts?
Financial planners generally recommend that individuals in a marriage relationship who have disposable income should each have their own account. They can then save or spend money as they want without having to justify the expenditure or feel guilty about spending the money.
Importance of Talking About Finances in Your Marriage
Even though it is difficult sometimes to face into your feelings and thoughts about money, it is imperative that a married couple make time to discuss their finances and to make decisions together about budgets, short- and long-term goals, and investment strategies.
Examine your childhoods and expectations about money. Respect one another's values and find ways to compromise in how you will deal with your financial differences.
Personal Money Management Style, Can Make or Break Your Marriage.by Ryan Atkinson
Personal money management is an issue that will affect your life positively or negatively... for the rest of your life. Your style of personal money management predicates where you end up in the financial pecking order of life. Do you want to be at the bottom, or the top? Develop a system that works for you early in life and reap the benefit forever.
Do you feel like you have an impossible financial dream? Money is such an emotional issue it becomes the breaking point for many a marriage. If you don't have anything else to fight about, you can always fight about money. How will you reach your financial goals? Personal money management styles are a good thing to discuss before the marriage.
How will you decide who looks after paying the bills? Will you each have your own money to spend and agree to put a preset amount into a joint account to run the household? Will it be a free for all, with each spouse blaming the other when there is not enough money to pay the bills because there is no personal money management? Many couples dream of retiring in their 40's or 50's something their parents would have considered an impossible financial dream. Is this your plan and if so, how are you going to make it happen?
Before you determine the personal money management system you use, discuss it with your spouse. There are many areas that cause problems in marriage, money management being one of the most contentious. Communicate and decide who is responsible for what before it becomes a problem.
With over 77 million baby boomers entering retirement, financial planning and asset management are definitely a hot topic. Financial planning is something, many have managed to avoid through their highest earning years and are now finding out the real cost of avoidance. Dealing with money management issues early in life, means more time to grow assets. There are unprecedented numbers inheriting substantial amounts of money from their parents.
Without effective financial planning much of that wealth will go the way of lottery wins and will not be available to improve standard of living in retirement. A recent study reported that less than an hour a month is spent on retirement planning by over 62% of baby boomers and 32% spend no time at all on this important activity.
Financial planning is very much a service-oriented niche. If you don’t feel you are receiving adequate attention from your financial planner or you are a part of the statistic that spends no time on retirement planning, don't leave it until it's too late. Start interviewing and find a financial planner that you can communicate well with, one that understands your needs and what you want to accomplish. Or if you haven't defined your financial planning needs, will help you set realistic ones.
Most people do not plan to fail at successful financial planning most people simply fail to plan. If you want a successful marriage, successful financial planning is a must. Showing your spouse that you are taking action to ensure your financial future shows you care deeply for the future of the relationship.
Please feel free to reprint this article provided the following authors credit and live URL link remains intact.
Do you feel like you have an impossible financial dream? Money is such an emotional issue it becomes the breaking point for many a marriage. If you don't have anything else to fight about, you can always fight about money. How will you reach your financial goals? Personal money management styles are a good thing to discuss before the marriage.
How will you decide who looks after paying the bills? Will you each have your own money to spend and agree to put a preset amount into a joint account to run the household? Will it be a free for all, with each spouse blaming the other when there is not enough money to pay the bills because there is no personal money management? Many couples dream of retiring in their 40's or 50's something their parents would have considered an impossible financial dream. Is this your plan and if so, how are you going to make it happen?
Before you determine the personal money management system you use, discuss it with your spouse. There are many areas that cause problems in marriage, money management being one of the most contentious. Communicate and decide who is responsible for what before it becomes a problem.
With over 77 million baby boomers entering retirement, financial planning and asset management are definitely a hot topic. Financial planning is something, many have managed to avoid through their highest earning years and are now finding out the real cost of avoidance. Dealing with money management issues early in life, means more time to grow assets. There are unprecedented numbers inheriting substantial amounts of money from their parents.
Without effective financial planning much of that wealth will go the way of lottery wins and will not be available to improve standard of living in retirement. A recent study reported that less than an hour a month is spent on retirement planning by over 62% of baby boomers and 32% spend no time at all on this important activity.
Financial planning is very much a service-oriented niche. If you don’t feel you are receiving adequate attention from your financial planner or you are a part of the statistic that spends no time on retirement planning, don't leave it until it's too late. Start interviewing and find a financial planner that you can communicate well with, one that understands your needs and what you want to accomplish. Or if you haven't defined your financial planning needs, will help you set realistic ones.
Most people do not plan to fail at successful financial planning most people simply fail to plan. If you want a successful marriage, successful financial planning is a must. Showing your spouse that you are taking action to ensure your financial future shows you care deeply for the future of the relationship.
Please feel free to reprint this article provided the following authors credit and live URL link remains intact.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)