HOW TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE.

It is not easy to deal with infidelity in marriage. Infidelity causes emotional problems that couples feel the only solution is to end the marriage. Before you start thinking of ending your marital relationship with your spouse because of infidelity, consider the following:

Realize That It Is A Sin To Cheat On Your Partner.
The moment you think  it's a normal thing to cheat on your partner you cannot stop it. However, if you see it from God’s point of view that infidelity is a sin, it will help you to have godly fear, which brings repentance, and restraint.
Resolve To End The Affair.
If you are to overcome infidelity and save your marriage, you need to end the illicit affair with your lover. You can do that by deleting the phone number. Again, you can as well put an appointment to meet each other so that you can officially end the relationship. please avoid the meeting at closed door room or office. just meet at any eatery, that is safe for you.

Identify The Causes Of The Infidelity.
Infidelity does not just happen. Many things lead to it. Through experience over the years as a minister of God, I have come to discover that many men are unfaithful due lack of sexual satisfaction. Their wives turn them down when they need sex. Therefore, if such  men are not God fearing they might be tempted to go elsewhere for satisfaction.
How can this problem of sexual denial be solved? The man should be able to tell his wife her attitude of sexual denial. . Do you know some women are frigid? That is, they don’t have sexual desire. As a result, they can stay for a long time without sex.
Now when such a woman is your wife, it takes the grace of God for her to comply, to voluntarily give herself to you. However, a wife who is frigid should not starve her husband of sex.
Some men deny their wives sex too. The bible said that the man and his wife have no right to their body as far as sex is concerned. So to kill infidelity, try as much as possible to satisfy your partner sexually.
Rebuild Trust.
After an affair, it can take time to learn to trust your partner again. Begin the healing process by being open about your feelings and sharing time together as a couple. For instance, when you receive phone call or text message from your your secret former lover, let your partner know about it. You might even tell your partner to pick the call,read the text message.

Forgive One Another.
They say to ‘err is human and to forgive is divine’. Forgiveness is not easy in this horrible case of infidelity. But when we realize the love of God for us, it becomes easy for us to practice forgiveness. Look at your partner eyeball to eyeball and say sorry. That is the only way-healing can to take place. and when your partner says sorry , please forgive and forget.
And when you say you are sorry for the past act of infidelity, don’t go back to your lover again. Try to avoid all the temptations that can lead to that. Start building trust. Let your partner see a new person in you. If you can maintain your promise not to cheat again, your marriage will be healed.

Seven Important Steps To Revive The Spark In Your Marriage

Remember when you two were so deeply in love that nothing could separate you? A lot of us have come to expect that the passion wears off after a few years, but it doesn’t have to. Here are a four steps you can do to reignite and rekindle the flame in your relationship:
1) Date Like You Used To Date In The Beginning
Many couples settle into routines; they come home from work, eat dinner, watch some television and then sleep. It can get very boring sometimes. So to spice things up, spent one night a week having a night out, and spend it just like you used to when you both were dating. You need to remind each other why you both got together in the first place. If you have children, leave them with a grandparent or a babysitter for just that one night. You will definitely enjoy the peacefulness and focus on each other.
2) Communicate
A lack of communication can be the main cause of a monotonous relationship. Effect communication is vital to keep the spark alive. If you feel your partner is not spending enough time with you, speak your mind. Sit down and discuss about it. It may bring back the charm of your relationship.
3) Be Romantic
In the beginning, almost all couples flirt with each other. You already know how to turn each other on mentally, emotionally and physically. So why not send your significant other a flirtatious text or email in the middle of the day for no reason. Tease them a little bit. Tell them how much you miss them. Tell them how good it feels to be in a relationship with them. Random compliments in the middle of the day for no reason at all will reignite a romantic spark.
4) Explore Something New Together
Get away for the weekend. Take a road trip together. Explore a new activity together. It doesn't matter if it's dancing, cooking class, learning a sport or something else. It only matters that you learn something together. Doing that will make you ignore the current issues between you, plus it creates something new about which the two of you can talk.
5) Bedtime sharing
Go to bed at the same time, together, every night. This is huge. That means turning off the TV, the night-light and the phone. This is your time together. Cuddle and talk, make love if the urge strikes, but that is not the point. The point is to talk about your day, your worries, and your hopes. Discover that in spite of all the time you have spent together, you still don’t know each other. If you don’t live together, or are not together for whatever reason, talk on the phone after you climb into bed.

6) Touch well, touch often: Touch your partner as often as possible, and get them to touch you as often as possible. Skin to skin contact increases a hormone called oxytocin, the hormone of love. Oxytocin increases trust and a sense of safety; it reduces stress and increases sexual arousal.
7) Play together. Be playful in your interactions. Have a sense of humour in times of stress. Find something playful to do that you both enjoy and make it a priority to keep it in your schedule. Play is critical to our sense of connection to others, and to our joy in life. It also expands our ability to think, develops creativity, and gives us a sense of joy in addition to develops trust and engenders caring.

Recognising The Signs Of A Marriage Breakdown

Many marriages end up in divorce because they wait too late to get help that is needed to save their marriage. Ignoring marital problems can build up resentment, hurt feelings and cause on spouse to emotionally detach from the other. Seek a professional help if the following signs are occurring in your marriage:
1. You Often Dream About a Life Without Your Spouse
Thinking about how much better life would be if you were divorced is common. However, if it occurs ever so frequently, this is a sign of trouble. It indicates that you are stuck in an unpleasant situation without any solution.
2. The Bad in The Marriage Outweighs The Good
If the negative outweighs the good in your marriage, your marriage is in trouble and is in need of help. Not taking pro-active steps to solve marital problems will lead to other problems that destroys the marriage.
3. You Keep Things to Yourself
Communication is an important to relieve stress and build a healthier bond between couples. Lack of communication indicates the lack of trust in your spouse. A marriage can't survive where there are issues of trust.
4. Arguing over the same subject repeatedly.
If your arguments become routine with all the same issues and no resolution, then your marriage is either standing still or dying fast.
5. You Feel Like You are The Only One Trying to Solve Problems
You feel frustrated because every time you try to discuss marital problems, your spouse backs up from you. Eventually one or the other spouse will shut down all together and no longer be interested in solving the marital problems.
6. Intimacy is a thing of the past
A considerable decline in physical affection is one of the most recognized symptoms of a failing relationship. Intimacy is the act that allows us to bond as husband and wife. If your partner is showing no or very little interest in intimacy, they are less caring about the emotional bond between the two of you.

Duties Of Ideal Husband

Duties Of The Husband
The word husband comes from some Anglo-Saxon words which means ‘‘house band’’. This implies a stripe of metal (a rope) used to bind the house together. A husband therefore binds together the home in terms of its organization and control.
Headship Of The Family

1. Headship connotes:
   1. Authority: in bringing up children
   2. Leadership; in providing direction and guidance
   3. Responsibility: decision-making; don’t shirk it so that you can blame someone else when things backfires

The man must rule his home spiritually, financially and socially. He should not be like Adam who shifted blames on his wife Eve when God asked him about their present spiritual state in the garden.
2.  Love. The husband is not only the head of his home, but should exercise love. Should show love to his wife. From the scripture we shall see ways he will show love to his wife.(Eph. 5:25-29)

1.        The husband should give his wife his best, sacrificially (verse 25)
2.        Present her back to himself (verse 27)
3.        He should nourish and cherish her(with the word of God and physical things)

 3. Make Her Feel happily At home – ECCL.5:18; PROV 5:18

1.     Let her feel accepted and special
2.    Stay at home as often as possible and provide companionship
3.    Do not be hash on her Col 3:19
4.    Listen to her a lot and encourage her talk
5.   Let her feel important with you- especially in public (speak about her positively)Be tolerant because she is the weaker
6. Protect And Care For Her
7. Protect her from the strain of hard work
8. Protect her from the attack of relatives (she is more susceptible to attacks e.g. spiritually, psychologically and emotionally)Help to organize her life –timetable, planning and pursuit of great career etc
9. Work Hard To Provide For The Needs Of The Family (1Tim.5:8)

4. The husband must provide the following needs:
1. Spiritual needs: the word of God, prayer, church service attendance
2. Physical needs: Food, clothing, accommodation, education etc
3. The husband must understand his wife’s sexual needs.
4. Provide For Her Sexually

Duties Of Ideal Wife

Eve was created to be Adam’s HELPMEET. Therefore, whatever the woman does, her motive must be to help, protect, motivate, uplift and promote her husband.
Here we are to see the duties of the wife to her husband:
I. Love Her Husband. Some women do not love the men they marry. The reasons for this may include the following:

1. She married him because of material benefits she wanted to acquire
2. She might have been growing old so she accepted the marriage as a desperate measure
3. She might have gotten herself pregnant be accident

If any of these negative reasons was what drove you to marry, you can ask God for forgiveness and pray for the grace to do what his word teaches you to do as a Christian spouse. It is very important for a wife to love her husband otherwise it will be very difficult to perform the marital responsibilities of submission, sex etc (Titus 2:4)
II. Submit To Your Husband  (Eph 5:22-23)
The word submission means to give up, give in surrender, yield, succumb, and acknowledge defeat, humble oneself etc.

1. A wife should not be autocratic, or erratic in her actions.
2. The man has a mission in the family while the woman has a sub-mission.
3. She should not insist on rights. She should not be obstinate and stubborn
4. She is not independent, and should not act as one.
5. She should be able to chat with her husband when he is quiet, encourage him when he is down
6. She should not disrespect her husband both in private and in public
7. She should not be a nagger in words and expression (Prov.21:19
8. Not a talkative.
9. A man is a king in his household or he is nothing at all
10. Reverence And Honour him (1Pet. 3:1-6)

III. Keeping and managing the home involves:

6. Preparations and feeding of the family
7. Managing of the family food money
8. Keeping at home when necessary
9. Must be a hardworking and not a demanding waste pipe (prov 31
10. Must give affection service to: husband, children, maids, relatives and neighbours
11. She must be ready to take care of all her visitors to their family. Furthermore, she must be willing to share with members of the extended families of both parties. She should not scare away people by selfishness or stinginess.
12. She must take care of her body in order to remain attractive and wholesome to her husband.
13. She must keep her home and environment clean
14. She must not only appear beautiful and attractive outside but must be same inside.
15. Beautification And Adornment  (1Pet3:3-4; Songs of Solomon 4:1-7;Prov 31:22-24

IV. MUST SATISFY YOUR HUSBAND SEXUALLY ((1Cor.7:1-5;1Tim.2:9-10;Pro.%;16-23;Deu 24:5))
Every wife has a God given duty to satisfy needs of her husband. Usually, the need to have sex is greater for a man than for a woman, and many wives find their husbands’ persistent advances for sex a bother. A wife should know and understand that if she does not take care of her husband’s sexual needs, she may push him to seek fulfillment elsewhere and this will lead to a lot of heartaches and pain. It is therefore in her interest to satisfy him sexually whenever he demands it. Sexual relationship between husband and wife is for:

1. Procreation(gen 1:28)
2. Prevention of sin of adultery (1Cor 7:1-2)
3. For pleasure (Gen 18:12)

Ideal couples And Financial Management

1. Open a current or savings account. Most people will open the accounts in both names, but this can lead to problems later. If you are managing the finances and your spouse decides he needs more funds than he has, you could end up getting overdrawn, because you both are trying to use the same money.

2.  Set up a budget. Figure the amount of money you have coming in each month and the amount that is going out. This will give you the amount that you have to spend each month. In your budget the followings are inclusive:
i. God first (first and best fruits(Tithes), offerings)
ii. Buying food in bulk saves money and reduces financial stress.
iii. Allow money for your immediate needs. Make sure you provide spending money for you and your spouse. You will need lunch money and other miscellaneous expenses that you have every day.
iv.Save to spend money. If you are planning on buying a house or having a family, you will want to put money aside for these things. The best way is to put an amount into your monthly budget to plan for the things you want.
v. Figure out what money you have after you have completed the above steps. From this, you can decide what your priorities are. Speak with your spouse--he should have input on this so he doesn't feel as if he has lost all control of the family finances--this can avoid fights later.
vi. Divide your categories. Some spending is absolutely necessary such as rent and utilities. (Called non-discretionary spending) and others are things that we buy but don't absolutely have to do so (Discretionary spending). Make two columns on a piece of paper and write down your costs dividing them into the 2 types of spending. You could call these Necessities and Wants.
vii. Pay Yourself.Whether you are doing well or struggling financially, find a way to save on a regular basis. Add a small amount of savings to your Necessities costs and never touch it unless you are on the verge of being thrown out onto the street! We all need a cushion for unexpected emergencies, not to mention wanting to go on well-earned vacations. Don't go into debt, save for what you want!
viii.  A Change in Thinking and Lifestyle
This article is really about changing the way you approach money both in your thinking and actions. Don't fall in love with money or the things it can buy you. They can't buy you happiness. Eliminating debt and having money are tools to give you one of the most important things in life: Freedom!
3. Attitude to money in home.
A. Discuss money openly. Aim at transparency/openness in everything, especially in money matters.
B. Avoid selfishness
C. Note that you (both0 are only stewards of God’s money
D.  Spend it according to God’s wishes
E. You are accountable to him
4.   Understanding financial Headship
Headship in the home extents to finances as well. Therefore, no matter who earns more, the man must rule the finances of the home with wisdom and fairness. He must have a clear vision or foresight for the home to better the lot of the family, for instance, a Plan to own a house someday.
1. As a financial head, he must avoid stinginess, meanness, and irresponsibility.
2.  Avoid lack of Money
Lack of money should not be a permanent situation in the family. Problems associated with lack of money are: tension, quarrels, misunderstanding, mistrust, suspiciousness infidelity, etc.
Husband should try as much as possible to ensure that money does not lack at home.subsequently, where the husband has tried his possible best to put food on the table, and he couldn’t because of some circumstances, his wife should not fold her hands and allow hunger destroy her family.
5.  Know the Dangers of Covetousness.
Covetousness arises when husband/wife compare their property or children with those of others. It leads to:

1. Dissatisfaction in the wife/husband
2. Unreasonable demands being made
3. Murmuring
4. Misspending
5. .Borrowing to maintain a certain lifestyle

Temperaments And Marriage - Sanguine Husband

Temperaments are the inbuilt characters of a person that cannot be changed, but can be controlled by the Holy Spirit. In marriage, couples need to study the temperaments of each other, for that is the only way they can cope during trying periods. In temperament, we have weaknesses and strengths.
Weaknesses are that characters that when you display make your spouse wonder whether you are a  christian.While strengths are your good characters. Today you are going to learn about the weaknesses and strengths of a sanguine husband.
      I. The Strengths of A Sanguine Husband.
A sanguine husband believes in looking good all the time. He is emotionally warm, friendly and sympathetic to the tears of his friends.He does not like sad or gloomy moments. Life to him is fun, so he loves staying out doors with friends, eating and drinking.
When offended, he quickly tells you what you did to him was wrong. And immediately he pours out his mind that ends all the quarrels. He has no time for grudges. He is expressive in public- in storytelling conversations, exaggerations and actions. Because he is a gifted orator, everybody likes hearing him speak. In fact, he is good in talking people into joining or buying his products. If filled with the Holy Spirit, and has a call, he will be a great evangelist.
He loves his wife and children dearly, and can do anything to make them happy.
II. The Weakness of A Sanguine Husband
The sanguine husband has the following weaknesses: He lacks discipline in all he does. He hardly concentrates on his studies, prayers, and church activities.He talks more than women. He gossips, and backbites. He speaks people out of their duty posts.
He exaggerates whenever he is speaking, just to motivate his listeners to believe his story. He is hot tempered. He is easily irritated whenever people want to take him for granted.
He is prone to unfaithfulness- to time, appointments and promises. It’s so because he is weak-willed when faced with great challenges. (Jon.21:3)
He spends whatever he earns anyhow. He is unconstrained and usually overspends.  Spirituality. He is carnal and fleshly. Lives women, food and wine.(Rom.8:6-7)
He is untidy- throwing things about. His house is always not swept, cloths and plates, unwashed etc.
He loses interest easily. He may enter and leave a relationship easily. He can be unfaithful to his wife by following other women who are more attractive, cheerful and sexually active than his wife.(2 Sam.11:2-5)
As a sanguine husband, you need the infilling of the Holy Spirit to bring out the best in your temperaments. There is no excuse to the expression of your weaknesses. God expects you to overcome your weaknesses (Rom.8:11, 13)