Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
How To Set a Budget for a Family Tradition -By Denise Witmer,
You can alleviate 90% of the stress you feel when planning a family vacation or the holiday season if you budget for it. Setting up a budget for family events throughout the year is as important as setting the time and date. You can know what you want to do and when, but it isn’t going to happen – or it won’t be any fun - if there are no funds.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 2 hours
Here's How:
1. Take a look at what you spent on the event the previous year or if this is the first time, estimate how much it will be. This is your cost.
2. Do some research. Evaluate the price tag and see if there is any chance of going up before the event. If so, add that amount to your cost.
3. Calculate how much time, in weeks or by pay schedule, you have before the family event.
4. Divide your cost by how many weeks, or how many pay periods, you have to save for it.
5. Open a special bank savings account where you can transfer the amount so that it is not sitting with your money for expenses.
6. Every time you get paid, pay yourself first by transferring your budgeted amount into your savings account.
7. Don’t give up. If your household budget gets tight, let it be a little tighter. Family traditions form a sense of unity in the family. Your children need that – and so do you.
Tips:
1. Start now!
2. If the amount is too much for you to save weekly, you’ll need to re-evaluate the event or find a side job to bring in some extra income.
3. Would you give your teen their own credit card?
* Yes.
* Yes, but one that I can control.
* No way!
* Not sure.
See the poll results.
4.
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
* Quiz: Are you raising a healthy teen?
* Quiz: Is your teen safe online?
* Quiz: Do you have a case of parental burnout?
* Quiz: Is your teen over-scheduled?
* Quiz: Are you raising a mean girl?
* How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
* Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?
More Teens How To's
Suggested Reading
Five Reasons to Teach Budgeting in the Teen YearsAll Family Budget ArticlesHow to Give ChoicesParenting Quiz: Are You a Pushover Parent?How much rent should teens pay?
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: 2 hours
Here's How:
1. Take a look at what you spent on the event the previous year or if this is the first time, estimate how much it will be. This is your cost.
2. Do some research. Evaluate the price tag and see if there is any chance of going up before the event. If so, add that amount to your cost.
3. Calculate how much time, in weeks or by pay schedule, you have before the family event.
4. Divide your cost by how many weeks, or how many pay periods, you have to save for it.
5. Open a special bank savings account where you can transfer the amount so that it is not sitting with your money for expenses.
6. Every time you get paid, pay yourself first by transferring your budgeted amount into your savings account.
7. Don’t give up. If your household budget gets tight, let it be a little tighter. Family traditions form a sense of unity in the family. Your children need that – and so do you.
Tips:
1. Start now!
2. If the amount is too much for you to save weekly, you’ll need to re-evaluate the event or find a side job to bring in some extra income.
3. Would you give your teen their own credit card?
* Yes.
* Yes, but one that I can control.
* No way!
* Not sure.
See the poll results.
4.
Parenting Quizzes for Parents of Teens
* Quiz: Are you raising a healthy teen?
* Quiz: Is your teen safe online?
* Quiz: Do you have a case of parental burnout?
* Quiz: Is your teen over-scheduled?
* Quiz: Are you raising a mean girl?
* How Well Do You Really Know Your Teen?
* Screening Quiz: Is Your Teen Lying?
More Teens How To's
Suggested Reading
Five Reasons to Teach Budgeting in the Teen YearsAll Family Budget ArticlesHow to Give ChoicesParenting Quiz: Are You a Pushover Parent?How much rent should teens pay?
Bringing Debts into a Marriage-By Nathan Dawson
Are you a credit card junkie? Credit card debt can often be a big, deep, dark secret for someone preparing for marriage. It’s an uncomfortable subject to talk about. Do you bring it up before or after he slips the engagement ring on your finger (or before you slip it onto hers)? Or do you wait until after all the marriage preparations are in place?
If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.
How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then get some financial marriage advice or premarital counseling.
Couple counseling can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.
If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.
How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then get some financial marriage advice or premarital counseling.
Couple counseling can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.
Money Matters: Strengthen Your Marriage by Putting Finances in Order- by Cynthia Cooper
Did you know that 43% of all married couples argue over money issues, making it the major reason couples fight? If you and your spouse handle money differently, now is the time to talk, establish expectations, and draw up a financial plan.
Money is a very big part of a marriage. Having enough to spend, and to do the things each wants to do, is important to both parties. When couples are not able to do that, then other issues pop up in the relationship. When husband and wife are not on the same page as far as family finances go, other difficulties inevitably arise.
Effective communication often emerges as the most difficult obstacle to establishing goals and expectations, and developing a financial plan. Many of us have been taught during childhood that discussing money is somehow inappropriate. Couples must understand that it is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary to managing finances in a marriage. Just as finances must be planned in a business, they must also be planned in a marriage. You must communicate in spite of any difficulty.
For example, how do you get your spouse to understand that he or she will need to curb their spending habits so that you both can begin putting money away?
There s got to be a viable agreement, because most couples discover that a lack of money, a lack of spending control, or a lack of fall-back savings eventually causes other problems in a marriage. Little things grow into much bigger things. However, as emphasized by Daniel Smith a noted financial expert cited in The Marriage Medics, future arguments over finances can be avoided by simply communicating, creating an understanding of expectations, setting objectives and agreeing on a financial roadmap.
The Marriage Medics outlines the following financial plan of attack for couples of any age:
1. Stop living beyond your means.
2. Treat the household like a business.
3. Create an income-and-expense statement.
4. Create a balance sheet.
5. Create a budget.
6. Figure out how to pay down your debt. Agree on a plan of action in which you both share equally in cutbacks.
7. Find ways to cut expenses.
8. Go on a debt diet starting with the little stuff.
9. Have only one credit card for your entire family.
10. Celebrate when you pay off a debt.
There are many resources for help in creating family budgets and living within them. For instance, Jim Miller, a Registered Investment Advisor, author of Retire Dollar Smart, and the host of a financial advice radio show is an excellent source. In sum, married couples have an important opportunity to plant the seeds for a healthy marriage by simply talking with each other, being realistic about expectations, and making that financial plan. Money matters!
Money is a very big part of a marriage. Having enough to spend, and to do the things each wants to do, is important to both parties. When couples are not able to do that, then other issues pop up in the relationship. When husband and wife are not on the same page as far as family finances go, other difficulties inevitably arise.
Effective communication often emerges as the most difficult obstacle to establishing goals and expectations, and developing a financial plan. Many of us have been taught during childhood that discussing money is somehow inappropriate. Couples must understand that it is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary to managing finances in a marriage. Just as finances must be planned in a business, they must also be planned in a marriage. You must communicate in spite of any difficulty.
For example, how do you get your spouse to understand that he or she will need to curb their spending habits so that you both can begin putting money away?
There s got to be a viable agreement, because most couples discover that a lack of money, a lack of spending control, or a lack of fall-back savings eventually causes other problems in a marriage. Little things grow into much bigger things. However, as emphasized by Daniel Smith a noted financial expert cited in The Marriage Medics, future arguments over finances can be avoided by simply communicating, creating an understanding of expectations, setting objectives and agreeing on a financial roadmap.
The Marriage Medics outlines the following financial plan of attack for couples of any age:
1. Stop living beyond your means.
2. Treat the household like a business.
3. Create an income-and-expense statement.
4. Create a balance sheet.
5. Create a budget.
6. Figure out how to pay down your debt. Agree on a plan of action in which you both share equally in cutbacks.
7. Find ways to cut expenses.
8. Go on a debt diet starting with the little stuff.
9. Have only one credit card for your entire family.
10. Celebrate when you pay off a debt.
There are many resources for help in creating family budgets and living within them. For instance, Jim Miller, a Registered Investment Advisor, author of Retire Dollar Smart, and the host of a financial advice radio show is an excellent source. In sum, married couples have an important opportunity to plant the seeds for a healthy marriage by simply talking with each other, being realistic about expectations, and making that financial plan. Money matters!
Managing Household Finances as a Couple.by Sheri & Bob Stritof
It doesn't make any difference if you have money or if you don't have money. If the two of you have different spending habits, different savings goals, different thoughts about investing, or different fears about being poor, then financial problems will eventually surface in your marriage.
It's quite possible that the one making the most money may try to control all the finances. Sometimes a power struggle concerning money will creep into your marriage.
"Like success, money is an emotionally volatile issue for most women. It's probably the most complicated relationship we have—and the one that most controls our lives because we let it." ~ Sara Ban Breathnach, author, Simple Abundance.
How Many Checking Accounts?
Financial planners generally recommend that individuals in a marriage relationship who have disposable income should each have their own account. They can then save or spend money as they want without having to justify the expenditure or feel guilty about spending the money.
Importance of Talking About Finances in Your Marriage
Even though it is difficult sometimes to face into your feelings and thoughts about money, it is imperative that a married couple make time to discuss their finances and to make decisions together about budgets, short- and long-term goals, and investment strategies.
Examine your childhoods and expectations about money. Respect one another's values and find ways to compromise in how you will deal with your financial differences.
It's quite possible that the one making the most money may try to control all the finances. Sometimes a power struggle concerning money will creep into your marriage.
"Like success, money is an emotionally volatile issue for most women. It's probably the most complicated relationship we have—and the one that most controls our lives because we let it." ~ Sara Ban Breathnach, author, Simple Abundance.
How Many Checking Accounts?
Financial planners generally recommend that individuals in a marriage relationship who have disposable income should each have their own account. They can then save or spend money as they want without having to justify the expenditure or feel guilty about spending the money.
Importance of Talking About Finances in Your Marriage
Even though it is difficult sometimes to face into your feelings and thoughts about money, it is imperative that a married couple make time to discuss their finances and to make decisions together about budgets, short- and long-term goals, and investment strategies.
Examine your childhoods and expectations about money. Respect one another's values and find ways to compromise in how you will deal with your financial differences.
Personal Money Management Style, Can Make or Break Your Marriage.by Ryan Atkinson
Personal money management is an issue that will affect your life positively or negatively... for the rest of your life. Your style of personal money management predicates where you end up in the financial pecking order of life. Do you want to be at the bottom, or the top? Develop a system that works for you early in life and reap the benefit forever.
Do you feel like you have an impossible financial dream? Money is such an emotional issue it becomes the breaking point for many a marriage. If you don't have anything else to fight about, you can always fight about money. How will you reach your financial goals? Personal money management styles are a good thing to discuss before the marriage.
How will you decide who looks after paying the bills? Will you each have your own money to spend and agree to put a preset amount into a joint account to run the household? Will it be a free for all, with each spouse blaming the other when there is not enough money to pay the bills because there is no personal money management? Many couples dream of retiring in their 40's or 50's something their parents would have considered an impossible financial dream. Is this your plan and if so, how are you going to make it happen?
Before you determine the personal money management system you use, discuss it with your spouse. There are many areas that cause problems in marriage, money management being one of the most contentious. Communicate and decide who is responsible for what before it becomes a problem.
With over 77 million baby boomers entering retirement, financial planning and asset management are definitely a hot topic. Financial planning is something, many have managed to avoid through their highest earning years and are now finding out the real cost of avoidance. Dealing with money management issues early in life, means more time to grow assets. There are unprecedented numbers inheriting substantial amounts of money from their parents.
Without effective financial planning much of that wealth will go the way of lottery wins and will not be available to improve standard of living in retirement. A recent study reported that less than an hour a month is spent on retirement planning by over 62% of baby boomers and 32% spend no time at all on this important activity.
Financial planning is very much a service-oriented niche. If you don’t feel you are receiving adequate attention from your financial planner or you are a part of the statistic that spends no time on retirement planning, don't leave it until it's too late. Start interviewing and find a financial planner that you can communicate well with, one that understands your needs and what you want to accomplish. Or if you haven't defined your financial planning needs, will help you set realistic ones.
Most people do not plan to fail at successful financial planning most people simply fail to plan. If you want a successful marriage, successful financial planning is a must. Showing your spouse that you are taking action to ensure your financial future shows you care deeply for the future of the relationship.
Please feel free to reprint this article provided the following authors credit and live URL link remains intact.
Do you feel like you have an impossible financial dream? Money is such an emotional issue it becomes the breaking point for many a marriage. If you don't have anything else to fight about, you can always fight about money. How will you reach your financial goals? Personal money management styles are a good thing to discuss before the marriage.
How will you decide who looks after paying the bills? Will you each have your own money to spend and agree to put a preset amount into a joint account to run the household? Will it be a free for all, with each spouse blaming the other when there is not enough money to pay the bills because there is no personal money management? Many couples dream of retiring in their 40's or 50's something their parents would have considered an impossible financial dream. Is this your plan and if so, how are you going to make it happen?
Before you determine the personal money management system you use, discuss it with your spouse. There are many areas that cause problems in marriage, money management being one of the most contentious. Communicate and decide who is responsible for what before it becomes a problem.
With over 77 million baby boomers entering retirement, financial planning and asset management are definitely a hot topic. Financial planning is something, many have managed to avoid through their highest earning years and are now finding out the real cost of avoidance. Dealing with money management issues early in life, means more time to grow assets. There are unprecedented numbers inheriting substantial amounts of money from their parents.
Without effective financial planning much of that wealth will go the way of lottery wins and will not be available to improve standard of living in retirement. A recent study reported that less than an hour a month is spent on retirement planning by over 62% of baby boomers and 32% spend no time at all on this important activity.
Financial planning is very much a service-oriented niche. If you don’t feel you are receiving adequate attention from your financial planner or you are a part of the statistic that spends no time on retirement planning, don't leave it until it's too late. Start interviewing and find a financial planner that you can communicate well with, one that understands your needs and what you want to accomplish. Or if you haven't defined your financial planning needs, will help you set realistic ones.
Most people do not plan to fail at successful financial planning most people simply fail to plan. If you want a successful marriage, successful financial planning is a must. Showing your spouse that you are taking action to ensure your financial future shows you care deeply for the future of the relationship.
Please feel free to reprint this article provided the following authors credit and live URL link remains intact.
Do You Desire Love And Marriage? How Should You Prepare Yourself? - by by Tony Tate
The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the divorce rate. That forces the question - are people really falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate so high? Isn't love enough? Where is the commitment? Love and marriage are still important to people. So what is the deal? Why is the divorce rate still climbing?
Love and marriage happens everyday but that's not true for every one. Perhaps most people don't really give themselves a chance to fall in love for the right reasons. One reason for this is that people don't really get to know each other before having sex, making a commitment and getting married, all in that wrong order. When a couple begins dating both people are usually on there best behavior. In other words they have put up a front or façade. This can continue for a while. People don't really get to see the actual character of a person sometimes until after about a year or so. This is because during the dating phase you wont get into situations together that will test what you are made of.
How long before love and marriage should you date? How do you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is wearing off couples begin to face more of life's situations together. They begin to see how one another react under stress and handle situations outside the dating scene bubble. This is time you should decide if love and marriage and a commitment is what you want with this person. This is the time you will find out what the other person is made of in tough situations.
Save Your Marriage Today!
Have you ever stayed awake at night stressing about whether or not your marriage will last ... And what can you possibly do to save it?
Put an end to the stress and anxiety of not knowing what to do to save your troubled marriage! And discover proven methods to getting your marriage back on track.
Even if you are the only one who wants to work on it!
Check it out now!
Sex
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the relationship you are better prepared to make clear good decisions. Sex will cause you to overlook or ignore things that may be important to you. Sex itself in not enough of a reason to get married. Sex certainly can't hold it all together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip. From your first date until your last date, if you don't marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you should be able to get to know one another without making the sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is minimized. Sometimes couples end up getting married simply because they have been having sex.
The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through getting to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that you will have been able to make sound decisions about your relationship without the influence of sex. You will know what it is you love about your mate and why you want to marry them. None of your feelings of love will be rooted in sex.
Love and marriage happens everyday but that's not true for every one. Perhaps most people don't really give themselves a chance to fall in love for the right reasons. One reason for this is that people don't really get to know each other before having sex, making a commitment and getting married, all in that wrong order. When a couple begins dating both people are usually on there best behavior. In other words they have put up a front or façade. This can continue for a while. People don't really get to see the actual character of a person sometimes until after about a year or so. This is because during the dating phase you wont get into situations together that will test what you are made of.
How long before love and marriage should you date? How do you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is wearing off couples begin to face more of life's situations together. They begin to see how one another react under stress and handle situations outside the dating scene bubble. This is time you should decide if love and marriage and a commitment is what you want with this person. This is the time you will find out what the other person is made of in tough situations.
Save Your Marriage Today!
Have you ever stayed awake at night stressing about whether or not your marriage will last ... And what can you possibly do to save it?
Put an end to the stress and anxiety of not knowing what to do to save your troubled marriage! And discover proven methods to getting your marriage back on track.
Even if you are the only one who wants to work on it!
Check it out now!
Sex
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the relationship you are better prepared to make clear good decisions. Sex will cause you to overlook or ignore things that may be important to you. Sex itself in not enough of a reason to get married. Sex certainly can't hold it all together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip. From your first date until your last date, if you don't marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you should be able to get to know one another without making the sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is minimized. Sometimes couples end up getting married simply because they have been having sex.
The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through getting to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that you will have been able to make sound decisions about your relationship without the influence of sex. You will know what it is you love about your mate and why you want to marry them. None of your feelings of love will be rooted in sex.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
My Husband Ignores Me When He Gets Home From Work By Brenda Carter
Wives are always joking about how their husband has selective hearing and that he doesn't hear what we have to say, but what women need to understand is that men are not able to multitask like we can. So when your husband gets home from work and appears to be ignoring you because you try to talk to him right when he walks in the door, it's not because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. It's because he's overwhelmed at the moment.
Since men are not able to multitask like women can, they need some time to wind down after work and change from work mode to home mode. When you jump on him right after he walks through the door he is not able to process what you are saying, so he turns on the selective hearing that we always joke about and shuts you out. Understanding that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the way he's wired is important. Instead of getting upset with him for ignoring you, try this one simple tip to help you communicate better with him after a long day at work.
Allow your husband to develop a routine that he can get into whenever he gets home from work. This could be opening the mail, watching his favorite TV show, reading a magazine, or checking his favorite website. What he does all depends on his interests, it will not be the same for every man. This routine will allow his brain to shut off from work mode and switch to home mode. Once the toggle switch has been changed, you will be surprised at how receptive he is to what you have to say. That's it, there's nothing complicated to it.
I hope this tip will allow you and your husband to communicate better with each other. Just understanding how different men and women really are can mean the difference between and OK marriage and a great marriage.
Since men are not able to multitask like women can, they need some time to wind down after work and change from work mode to home mode. When you jump on him right after he walks through the door he is not able to process what you are saying, so he turns on the selective hearing that we always joke about and shuts you out. Understanding that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the way he's wired is important. Instead of getting upset with him for ignoring you, try this one simple tip to help you communicate better with him after a long day at work.
Allow your husband to develop a routine that he can get into whenever he gets home from work. This could be opening the mail, watching his favorite TV show, reading a magazine, or checking his favorite website. What he does all depends on his interests, it will not be the same for every man. This routine will allow his brain to shut off from work mode and switch to home mode. Once the toggle switch has been changed, you will be surprised at how receptive he is to what you have to say. That's it, there's nothing complicated to it.
I hope this tip will allow you and your husband to communicate better with each other. Just understanding how different men and women really are can mean the difference between and OK marriage and a great marriage.
Stop Your Divorce - Save Your Marriage - Communication is the Key to Any Successful Relationship By Sabrina Werles
When you want to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you must learn to communicate effectively. When a relationship lacks proper communication, it rarely survives.
It happens to the best of relationships sometimes - hurtful words are exchanged in moments of anger or frustration. This leads to the recipient of these words to be left reacting defensively, which leads to even more turmoil in the marriage. In essence, a few words can have a snowballing effect, and no relationship is immune to this.
When two people live together for an extended period of time, they tend to take each other for granted. This isn't intentional, and we don't even realize we do it, until it starts to impact our marriage. To make matters worse, when we take each other for granted, we tend to say things which can very easily escalate into arguments.
A simple matter of missing car keys can lead to a statement such as "If you'd just open your eyes once in a while, you'd find what you're looking for". Statements such as this are said all the time, not necessarily meant to be taken so harshly, but do you see how something that just flies out of your mouth can have a devastating affect?
You have to be considerate of each other's feelings. If you're not, this will lead to much unwanted tension in your relationship.
When you feel that your marriage is getting tense, talk to your partner. Cut off the arguments before they start. Stop the negative remarks before they happen. When you open the lines of communication, instead of holding back your feelings, you will find that your marriage becomes more stable.
Talking your feelings out is a very simple way to solve many marital problems. Unfortunately, too many married couples don't talk! They keep their feelings bottled up inside, and one day everything explodes. To avoid these explosions, be sure to talk with your spouse. The more you talk, the stronger your bond will grow, and the more your marriage will be able to withstand any problem that comes your way!
Want to know more ways to stop your divorce and save your marriage?
Make sure that you don't leave anything to chance. Learn every last detail on what it takes to turn your marriage problems around and recreate the loving marriage that you always dreamed of. With our help, it is possible to rescue any marriage!
It happens to the best of relationships sometimes - hurtful words are exchanged in moments of anger or frustration. This leads to the recipient of these words to be left reacting defensively, which leads to even more turmoil in the marriage. In essence, a few words can have a snowballing effect, and no relationship is immune to this.
When two people live together for an extended period of time, they tend to take each other for granted. This isn't intentional, and we don't even realize we do it, until it starts to impact our marriage. To make matters worse, when we take each other for granted, we tend to say things which can very easily escalate into arguments.
A simple matter of missing car keys can lead to a statement such as "If you'd just open your eyes once in a while, you'd find what you're looking for". Statements such as this are said all the time, not necessarily meant to be taken so harshly, but do you see how something that just flies out of your mouth can have a devastating affect?
You have to be considerate of each other's feelings. If you're not, this will lead to much unwanted tension in your relationship.
When you feel that your marriage is getting tense, talk to your partner. Cut off the arguments before they start. Stop the negative remarks before they happen. When you open the lines of communication, instead of holding back your feelings, you will find that your marriage becomes more stable.
Talking your feelings out is a very simple way to solve many marital problems. Unfortunately, too many married couples don't talk! They keep their feelings bottled up inside, and one day everything explodes. To avoid these explosions, be sure to talk with your spouse. The more you talk, the stronger your bond will grow, and the more your marriage will be able to withstand any problem that comes your way!
Want to know more ways to stop your divorce and save your marriage?
Make sure that you don't leave anything to chance. Learn every last detail on what it takes to turn your marriage problems around and recreate the loving marriage that you always dreamed of. With our help, it is possible to rescue any marriage!
Stop Your Divorce - Save Your Marriage - Communication is the Key to Any Successful Relationship By Sabrina Werles
When you want to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you must learn to communicate effectively. When a relationship lacks proper communication, it rarely survives.
It happens to the best of relationships sometimes - hurtful words are exchanged in moments of anger or frustration. This leads to the recipient of these words to be left reacting defensively, which leads to even more turmoil in the marriage. In essence, a few words can have a snowballing effect, and no relationship is immune to this.
When two people live together for an extended period of time, they tend to take each other for granted. This isn't intentional, and we don't even realize we do it, until it starts to impact our marriage. To make matters worse, when we take each other for granted, we tend to say things which can very easily escalate into arguments.
A simple matter of missing car keys can lead to a statement such as "If you'd just open your eyes once in a while, you'd find what you're looking for". Statements such as this are said all the time, not necessarily meant to be taken so harshly, but do you see how something that just flies out of your mouth can have a devastating affect?
You have to be considerate of each other's feelings. If you're not, this will lead to much unwanted tension in your relationship.
When you feel that your marriage is getting tense, talk to your partner. Cut off the arguments before they start. Stop the negative remarks before they happen. When you open the lines of communication, instead of holding back your feelings, you will find that your marriage becomes more stable.
Talking your feelings out is a very simple way to solve many marital problems. Unfortunately, too many married couples don't talk! They keep their feelings bottled up inside, and one day everything explodes. To avoid these explosions, be sure to talk with your spouse. The more you talk, the stronger your bond will grow, and the more your marriage will be able to withstand any problem that comes your way!
Want to know more ways to stop your divorce and save your marriage?
Make sure that you don't leave anything to chance. Learn every last detail on what it takes to turn your marriage problems around and recreate the loving marriage that you always dreamed of. With our help, it is possible to rescue any marriage!
It happens to the best of relationships sometimes - hurtful words are exchanged in moments of anger or frustration. This leads to the recipient of these words to be left reacting defensively, which leads to even more turmoil in the marriage. In essence, a few words can have a snowballing effect, and no relationship is immune to this.
When two people live together for an extended period of time, they tend to take each other for granted. This isn't intentional, and we don't even realize we do it, until it starts to impact our marriage. To make matters worse, when we take each other for granted, we tend to say things which can very easily escalate into arguments.
A simple matter of missing car keys can lead to a statement such as "If you'd just open your eyes once in a while, you'd find what you're looking for". Statements such as this are said all the time, not necessarily meant to be taken so harshly, but do you see how something that just flies out of your mouth can have a devastating affect?
You have to be considerate of each other's feelings. If you're not, this will lead to much unwanted tension in your relationship.
When you feel that your marriage is getting tense, talk to your partner. Cut off the arguments before they start. Stop the negative remarks before they happen. When you open the lines of communication, instead of holding back your feelings, you will find that your marriage becomes more stable.
Talking your feelings out is a very simple way to solve many marital problems. Unfortunately, too many married couples don't talk! They keep their feelings bottled up inside, and one day everything explodes. To avoid these explosions, be sure to talk with your spouse. The more you talk, the stronger your bond will grow, and the more your marriage will be able to withstand any problem that comes your way!
Want to know more ways to stop your divorce and save your marriage?
Make sure that you don't leave anything to chance. Learn every last detail on what it takes to turn your marriage problems around and recreate the loving marriage that you always dreamed of. With our help, it is possible to rescue any marriage!
By Leslie Cane
I often get emails from folks who suspect that their spouse no longer wants to be married. I'm often asked for a list of signals and signs to watch for. I will generally preface this by saying that everyone is different. Some people can be very unhappy and discontent in their marriage but can also have a strong level of commitment so that it's going to take a lot to make these people even think about walking away. But, then there are others who will walk (or at least think about it) as soon as the two of you hit a rough patch. It may not yet be clear which of these categories your spouse falls into.
Still, there are generally some signs that you will begin to see as they move away emotionally. The distance may come gradually, but it will generally come. And only time will tell if this distance contributes to their taking this further and leaving the marriage, but it certainly helps to watch for the signs so that you can fix the problems right away before they get any worse. So in the following article, I'll tell you some things to look for which might signal that your spouse is seeing the marriage in negative terms.
They Look At You (And React To You) Differently: It used to be that your spouse's eyes would light up when you walked into the room. The sight of you would always bring a smile to their face. They were always happy to see you and to be with you no matter what else was going on in their life.
But, you may be noticing that things today are in direct contrast to that. They don't even seem to really see you anymore. They may not even glance up anymore when you walk into the room. You may now see a straight line or a scowl instead of a smile. When you ask them about this, they may ask you what you expect after all this time or they may wonder how you can expect the two of you to act like teenagers when you are an old, married couple.
Maybe you could see their point if this was an isolated incident, but it's not. Their indifference to you has become the norm. It's not just a few instances scattered here and here on bad days. Not really seeing one another has become your normal. Yes, it's not unusual for things to calm down and to cool off once you've been married for a while, but couples who are still happy will generally be very aware of the other and will respond with spontaneous positive gestures in the presence of the other. A smile, the brush of a hand, or a palm resting on the back doesn't take any energy or thought at all. They are simply spontaneous reactions that occur when you are deeply connected with someone. If they are not happening, then you have to question the state of the connection.
They're Avoiding Intimate Contact And Conversation: Often when the connection begins to leave the marriage, you'll see either opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of behavior. Either this will come out negatively and you'll see the couple begin to fight, bicker, and "debate" much more. Or, you'll see them become very busy with other things so that they're just not around you as much. This is sort of passive aggressive avoidance.
In this phase, when you are together, you're not fighting. But, you're not being all that intimate either. This is the phase where you're perfectly pleasant, but you're not really talking to him or her as you would a lover. You avoid what's really important. You busy yourself with work or obligations. You talk about the weather, the kids, the stock market, the neighbors down the street. You talk about everything under the sun but your relationship.
It used to be that you could tie up the phone line for hours giggling and sharing and just letting the conversation flow. Now, there may be awkward lags in the conversation or times when you find that they, or you, aren't really listening all that intently anymore.
They Are Starting To Live More Independently: When people start to check out of the marriage or to distance themselves emotionally, you'll typically also see this manifest itself physically. They will begin to spend more time away from home. They'll suddenly want or need to spend more time with friends or other family members. They may take up a new hobby or take on more responsibilities or projects at work. They will want to create an individual identity rather than just a couple identity. They'll start to establish individual rather than couple friends.
They may take separate vacations or open their own bank or money accounts. They may be either very open or secretive about this, but the bottom line is that it stops becoming "we" and starts becoming "I" and "you." They may even encourage you to become more independent so that this process requires less guilt from them. They do this because they want you to begin to establish your own life and interests so when they break comes, it won't be as devastating to either of you.
Sometimes, these things aren't conscious on their part. They're not actually saying to themselves: "well, I know I want to get a divorce next year so I'll start breaking away now." It's more that they are acting on their often unconscious need to start breaking away, even if they've yet to even notice this or to admit the reasons for it, even to themselves.
Still, there are generally some signs that you will begin to see as they move away emotionally. The distance may come gradually, but it will generally come. And only time will tell if this distance contributes to their taking this further and leaving the marriage, but it certainly helps to watch for the signs so that you can fix the problems right away before they get any worse. So in the following article, I'll tell you some things to look for which might signal that your spouse is seeing the marriage in negative terms.
They Look At You (And React To You) Differently: It used to be that your spouse's eyes would light up when you walked into the room. The sight of you would always bring a smile to their face. They were always happy to see you and to be with you no matter what else was going on in their life.
But, you may be noticing that things today are in direct contrast to that. They don't even seem to really see you anymore. They may not even glance up anymore when you walk into the room. You may now see a straight line or a scowl instead of a smile. When you ask them about this, they may ask you what you expect after all this time or they may wonder how you can expect the two of you to act like teenagers when you are an old, married couple.
Maybe you could see their point if this was an isolated incident, but it's not. Their indifference to you has become the norm. It's not just a few instances scattered here and here on bad days. Not really seeing one another has become your normal. Yes, it's not unusual for things to calm down and to cool off once you've been married for a while, but couples who are still happy will generally be very aware of the other and will respond with spontaneous positive gestures in the presence of the other. A smile, the brush of a hand, or a palm resting on the back doesn't take any energy or thought at all. They are simply spontaneous reactions that occur when you are deeply connected with someone. If they are not happening, then you have to question the state of the connection.
They're Avoiding Intimate Contact And Conversation: Often when the connection begins to leave the marriage, you'll see either opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of behavior. Either this will come out negatively and you'll see the couple begin to fight, bicker, and "debate" much more. Or, you'll see them become very busy with other things so that they're just not around you as much. This is sort of passive aggressive avoidance.
In this phase, when you are together, you're not fighting. But, you're not being all that intimate either. This is the phase where you're perfectly pleasant, but you're not really talking to him or her as you would a lover. You avoid what's really important. You busy yourself with work or obligations. You talk about the weather, the kids, the stock market, the neighbors down the street. You talk about everything under the sun but your relationship.
It used to be that you could tie up the phone line for hours giggling and sharing and just letting the conversation flow. Now, there may be awkward lags in the conversation or times when you find that they, or you, aren't really listening all that intently anymore.
They Are Starting To Live More Independently: When people start to check out of the marriage or to distance themselves emotionally, you'll typically also see this manifest itself physically. They will begin to spend more time away from home. They'll suddenly want or need to spend more time with friends or other family members. They may take up a new hobby or take on more responsibilities or projects at work. They will want to create an individual identity rather than just a couple identity. They'll start to establish individual rather than couple friends.
They may take separate vacations or open their own bank or money accounts. They may be either very open or secretive about this, but the bottom line is that it stops becoming "we" and starts becoming "I" and "you." They may even encourage you to become more independent so that this process requires less guilt from them. They do this because they want you to begin to establish your own life and interests so when they break comes, it won't be as devastating to either of you.
Sometimes, these things aren't conscious on their part. They're not actually saying to themselves: "well, I know I want to get a divorce next year so I'll start breaking away now." It's more that they are acting on their often unconscious need to start breaking away, even if they've yet to even notice this or to admit the reasons for it, even to themselves.
By Richard Jameson
How to fix a broken marriage can obviously be a very difficult subject so the first thing I am going to say is that you need to gather as much information as possible. Do not try to think up too many of your own plans as you don't want to experiment with your relationship.
The road to fixing a broken marriage is more than likely going to be a rocky and sometimes painful one to follow, but you must focus on how good it is going to feel as you patch things up and move forward.Keep that at the front of your mind at all times.
Here are some simple steps that you can do right now to begin the process of rebuilding your partnership:
* Make a list of all the things that you think went wrong with your marriage. Totally disregard the ones that were not your fault as you cannot change these. Do not hold anyone responsible for them either, simply let them go and shift your focus. Now look at what was your fault. Are you willing to work on the errors you made? If you are then you are ready to move forward.
* Be calm and patient at all times, especially as you begin to communicate with your spouse. Letting your emotions escalate can cause you to say or do something you may later forget. Plus for your wife or husband it is comforting and reassuring for them to see you calm and in total control.
* During this time don't forget to work on yourself. This could be revisiting the list to check that you are making changes to earlier mistakes. It could also be improving your health or appearance. Not only will this make you feel confident and more positive about yourself it could also rekindle a lot of good feelings within your spouse again!
Learning how to fix a broken marriage is delicate and needs to be taken very carefully.
Although this doesn't always mean that it has to take forever. There are a lot of people that have rekindled there love in a very short space of time. It is simply a question of using the right techniques that have been tried, tested and proven to work.
The road to fixing a broken marriage is more than likely going to be a rocky and sometimes painful one to follow, but you must focus on how good it is going to feel as you patch things up and move forward.Keep that at the front of your mind at all times.
Here are some simple steps that you can do right now to begin the process of rebuilding your partnership:
* Make a list of all the things that you think went wrong with your marriage. Totally disregard the ones that were not your fault as you cannot change these. Do not hold anyone responsible for them either, simply let them go and shift your focus. Now look at what was your fault. Are you willing to work on the errors you made? If you are then you are ready to move forward.
* Be calm and patient at all times, especially as you begin to communicate with your spouse. Letting your emotions escalate can cause you to say or do something you may later forget. Plus for your wife or husband it is comforting and reassuring for them to see you calm and in total control.
* During this time don't forget to work on yourself. This could be revisiting the list to check that you are making changes to earlier mistakes. It could also be improving your health or appearance. Not only will this make you feel confident and more positive about yourself it could also rekindle a lot of good feelings within your spouse again!
Learning how to fix a broken marriage is delicate and needs to be taken very carefully.
Although this doesn't always mean that it has to take forever. There are a lot of people that have rekindled there love in a very short space of time. It is simply a question of using the right techniques that have been tried, tested and proven to work.
10 Commandments Of A Loving, Lasting & Fulfilling Marriage By Sheryl Kurland
1. Respect yourself first.
Upon celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary, a couple was asked “What’s kept the flame burning in your relationship?” The husband quickly chimed in. “Look at my wife, she’s beautiful inside and out. Why would I want to be with anyone else?” The wife was average looking, a little overweight, face wrinkled by time, time-worn teeth, and so forth, but more importantly, she was neatly dressed, hair softly brushed, and she smelled delightful and wore a touch of pretty makeup. The point is she respected herself. Because she respected herself, her husband was still deeply attracted to her. Do you like yourself? Are you proud to be you? To keep the flame burning in your relationship, learn to respect yourself first.
2. Communication is defined as listening.
Imagine that you have mouthful of marshmallows. Now, what is the one thing you absolutely cannot do? Think for a moment. The answer: Talk! And that’s precisely the point. Communication is more about listening than talking. Additionally, never, ever, miss a good chance to shut up. Every comment doesn’t need a retort. Every issue doesn’t need another opinion. Speak up when it’s important, and keep your lips zipped when it isn’t. What you don’t say is often as important as what you do say.
3. Keep a sense of humor in good times and bad.
Laughter is a wonderful expression for the good times, but it can also be an antidote for facing problems, issues and crises. There will be petty incidents. So what if you mistakenly threw out the left-over green bean casserole that your spouse was going to eat for lunch? Is it a major offense that your spouse misread the friend’s party invitation and the two of you showed up on the wrong date? During periods of despair, a sense of humor can help you deal with misfortune. When a loved one passes away, health conditions take their toll, or bad news finds its way into your home, sharing some laughs with your mate will help ease your minds. Laughter relieves stress, improves blood flow, and enhances overall physiological function of the body. Create opportunities for humor and laughter to help keep your marriage in top condition.
4. In the heat of battle, cease fire.
If your child misbehaves, the course of discipline may be a “time out.” You remove the child from the situation and give him/her a specified amount of time to cool off. A “time out” works equally well for a husband and wife in the heat of an argument. When emotions are stirring and tempers are starting to flare, one of you needs to say “stop.” Take a “time out.” Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes. Go your separate ways. No talking. No evil stares. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm rings, sit down together and have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.
5. Create “traditions” solely for the two of you.
Within your family, you likely have traditions that everyone enjoys participating in. They enhance the family bond. But, do you have a “couple” tradition, something that only you and your spouse do together? A couple tradition is defined as a practice, habit or ritual performed every so often just by the two of you. Traditions add vitality, fun and excitement. When the going gets rough, they also provide glue for the union to remain sturdy while issues get resolved. Guaranteed, traditions in your marriage or relationship will help make it wonderful year after year.
6. Be selfless, not selfish.
Think of a favorite dessert that everyone in your family just loves, loves, loves. Let’s say it’s double-fudge brownies. What happens when there’s only one brownie left in the pan? If your household is like most others, everyone races to get the last piece before anyone else. Long-married couples have a different way of dealing with such a situation. They’ll say to their spouse: “Honey, there’s only one brownie left. Would you like to split it with me?” or "Would you like the last one?" This is referred to as being “selfless” instead of “selfish.” Selflessness goes a long way in creating a loving, lasting relationship with your spouse. And the great thing about being selfless is that when you function in this mode, it is automatically reciprocated.
7. Be lovable to your spouse.
Most of you have probably owned a dog for a pet. When the dog sees you from about 10 feet away, he starts wagging his tail, and as you walk closer his cute little rear starts wiggling and his ears pop up. By the time you’re right up to the dog, he’s dancing and bursting with excitement! Dogs teach us to be lovable. We should all take a lesson from them. Welcome your spouse with a big greeting upon arriving home after a hard day’s work. Give him/her a surprise peck on the cheek, touch each other, hold hands, exchange eye winks. In your conversations, besides catching up on all the goings-on, don’t forget to express your love for and appreciation of each other. However you choose to do it: Hug and squeeze, aim to please.
8. Wives: Don’t be over-sensitive to your husband’s comments.
By nature, most women are more sensitive than men. They over-analyze. Did he mean this or that, or something entirely different? A woman’s inclination is to zoom in on the explanation that’s most negative. Wives, here’s a rule of thumb your husband would like to tell you: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.” Also, take into consideration that perception isn’t always reality. For example, a wife who became very irritated with her husband over a period of weeks because he had excessive business obligations and seemed quite preoccupied was pleasantly surprised by a birthday party he had diligently been planning for her! A word to the wives: Give your husband a break!
9. Husbands: Wives appreciate the little things.
Forget the flowers, designer bling-bling and fancy fragrances. Chivalry is alive and well! Hold the door open for your wife, call her during the day just to say “I’m thinking of you,” give her a hug when she least expects it, surprise her with a special evening out on the town that you planned by yourself. Do and say things that let your wife know you think she’s terrific. Husbands, the rule is quite easy: A wife loves to be told that she’s loved in many different, yet simple, ways.
10. Treat marriage as a journey. There are many different routes to a desired destination.
To draw an analogy: Imagine that you want to take a trip and fly from Miami, Florida to New York City. The first step is to select desired departure and return dates and the times of day you prefer to travel. Next, you go on the internet or call different airlines. If the flights you want are already full, you come up with Plan B, and if Plan B is booked, then you try for Plan C. Along the way, you may have to be flexible and change dates or times of day. Eventually you will find a travel plan that works. Marriage and relationships are similar. If plan A doesn’t work, try plan B, and if you hit roadblocks, then develop plan C, and so on. In a strong marriage or relationship, you keep practicing, learning and growing.
Bonus: Love the one your with.
Observations at the office, gym, social outings and elsewhere may lead you to believe that others are having all the fun. Don’t be fooled. How many times have you seen the couple who seemed to “have it all” wind up in divorce court? (Statistically, people who divorce have an even higher rate of divorce for subsequent marriages.) Instead of wallowing, devote your mental energy to keep the romance alive between you and your mate.
Upon celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary, a couple was asked “What’s kept the flame burning in your relationship?” The husband quickly chimed in. “Look at my wife, she’s beautiful inside and out. Why would I want to be with anyone else?” The wife was average looking, a little overweight, face wrinkled by time, time-worn teeth, and so forth, but more importantly, she was neatly dressed, hair softly brushed, and she smelled delightful and wore a touch of pretty makeup. The point is she respected herself. Because she respected herself, her husband was still deeply attracted to her. Do you like yourself? Are you proud to be you? To keep the flame burning in your relationship, learn to respect yourself first.
2. Communication is defined as listening.
Imagine that you have mouthful of marshmallows. Now, what is the one thing you absolutely cannot do? Think for a moment. The answer: Talk! And that’s precisely the point. Communication is more about listening than talking. Additionally, never, ever, miss a good chance to shut up. Every comment doesn’t need a retort. Every issue doesn’t need another opinion. Speak up when it’s important, and keep your lips zipped when it isn’t. What you don’t say is often as important as what you do say.
3. Keep a sense of humor in good times and bad.
Laughter is a wonderful expression for the good times, but it can also be an antidote for facing problems, issues and crises. There will be petty incidents. So what if you mistakenly threw out the left-over green bean casserole that your spouse was going to eat for lunch? Is it a major offense that your spouse misread the friend’s party invitation and the two of you showed up on the wrong date? During periods of despair, a sense of humor can help you deal with misfortune. When a loved one passes away, health conditions take their toll, or bad news finds its way into your home, sharing some laughs with your mate will help ease your minds. Laughter relieves stress, improves blood flow, and enhances overall physiological function of the body. Create opportunities for humor and laughter to help keep your marriage in top condition.
4. In the heat of battle, cease fire.
If your child misbehaves, the course of discipline may be a “time out.” You remove the child from the situation and give him/her a specified amount of time to cool off. A “time out” works equally well for a husband and wife in the heat of an argument. When emotions are stirring and tempers are starting to flare, one of you needs to say “stop.” Take a “time out.” Set an alarm clock for 30 minutes. Go your separate ways. No talking. No evil stares. Think about the problem. Re-focus. Regain your composure. When the alarm rings, sit down together and have a civil discussion, get to the root of the matter, find a resolution and move on.
5. Create “traditions” solely for the two of you.
Within your family, you likely have traditions that everyone enjoys participating in. They enhance the family bond. But, do you have a “couple” tradition, something that only you and your spouse do together? A couple tradition is defined as a practice, habit or ritual performed every so often just by the two of you. Traditions add vitality, fun and excitement. When the going gets rough, they also provide glue for the union to remain sturdy while issues get resolved. Guaranteed, traditions in your marriage or relationship will help make it wonderful year after year.
6. Be selfless, not selfish.
Think of a favorite dessert that everyone in your family just loves, loves, loves. Let’s say it’s double-fudge brownies. What happens when there’s only one brownie left in the pan? If your household is like most others, everyone races to get the last piece before anyone else. Long-married couples have a different way of dealing with such a situation. They’ll say to their spouse: “Honey, there’s only one brownie left. Would you like to split it with me?” or "Would you like the last one?" This is referred to as being “selfless” instead of “selfish.” Selflessness goes a long way in creating a loving, lasting relationship with your spouse. And the great thing about being selfless is that when you function in this mode, it is automatically reciprocated.
7. Be lovable to your spouse.
Most of you have probably owned a dog for a pet. When the dog sees you from about 10 feet away, he starts wagging his tail, and as you walk closer his cute little rear starts wiggling and his ears pop up. By the time you’re right up to the dog, he’s dancing and bursting with excitement! Dogs teach us to be lovable. We should all take a lesson from them. Welcome your spouse with a big greeting upon arriving home after a hard day’s work. Give him/her a surprise peck on the cheek, touch each other, hold hands, exchange eye winks. In your conversations, besides catching up on all the goings-on, don’t forget to express your love for and appreciation of each other. However you choose to do it: Hug and squeeze, aim to please.
8. Wives: Don’t be over-sensitive to your husband’s comments.
By nature, most women are more sensitive than men. They over-analyze. Did he mean this or that, or something entirely different? A woman’s inclination is to zoom in on the explanation that’s most negative. Wives, here’s a rule of thumb your husband would like to tell you: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.” Also, take into consideration that perception isn’t always reality. For example, a wife who became very irritated with her husband over a period of weeks because he had excessive business obligations and seemed quite preoccupied was pleasantly surprised by a birthday party he had diligently been planning for her! A word to the wives: Give your husband a break!
9. Husbands: Wives appreciate the little things.
Forget the flowers, designer bling-bling and fancy fragrances. Chivalry is alive and well! Hold the door open for your wife, call her during the day just to say “I’m thinking of you,” give her a hug when she least expects it, surprise her with a special evening out on the town that you planned by yourself. Do and say things that let your wife know you think she’s terrific. Husbands, the rule is quite easy: A wife loves to be told that she’s loved in many different, yet simple, ways.
10. Treat marriage as a journey. There are many different routes to a desired destination.
To draw an analogy: Imagine that you want to take a trip and fly from Miami, Florida to New York City. The first step is to select desired departure and return dates and the times of day you prefer to travel. Next, you go on the internet or call different airlines. If the flights you want are already full, you come up with Plan B, and if Plan B is booked, then you try for Plan C. Along the way, you may have to be flexible and change dates or times of day. Eventually you will find a travel plan that works. Marriage and relationships are similar. If plan A doesn’t work, try plan B, and if you hit roadblocks, then develop plan C, and so on. In a strong marriage or relationship, you keep practicing, learning and growing.
Bonus: Love the one your with.
Observations at the office, gym, social outings and elsewhere may lead you to believe that others are having all the fun. Don’t be fooled. How many times have you seen the couple who seemed to “have it all” wind up in divorce court? (Statistically, people who divorce have an even higher rate of divorce for subsequent marriages.) Instead of wallowing, devote your mental energy to keep the romance alive between you and your mate.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Can Any Marriage Be Saved? Steps You Can Take to Save Your Marriage, Even If it Seems Hopeless by Sabrina Werles
Most marriages begin the same. The newlywed couple carefree and joyful. Unfortunately, at some point along the road, things start to change. Life happens to happen. Some couples just don't know how to deal with tough situations, and the marriage falls apart. Your marriage does NOT have to end in divorce! Any marriage can be saved, when you put good effort into saving it.
It's no wonder more marriages are struggling to survive nowadays, with the economic crisis and the fast paced lifestyles we live.
As human beings, our natural emotion is to get out of any situation that makes us uneasy. That's why so many marriages are falling apart! We simply don't want to TRY to save marriage anymore! For whatever reason - it takes too much time, it's too much work, etc. Millions of excuses for not holding on to something as important as life itself!
To save a marriage, both partners should sit down and calmly discuss what's going on with the marriage. This way, you have the opportunity to see it from each other's point of view, and maybe you will see things differently. Once you have found the source of the problem, now it's time to get to work and FIX the problem.
When you work together, you will have a much better chance of saving your marriage and stopping a divorce, than if only one person tries to fix the marriage themselves. When your marriage was good, you had fun together. When times get tough, you have to learn to get through these times together, too, so you can go on to have more fun times!
You will be able to save your marriage, especially when you work together. This following system comes highly recommended, has helped thousands of people just like you, and has been proven many times over. Don't let one rocky part destroy your marriage
It's no wonder more marriages are struggling to survive nowadays, with the economic crisis and the fast paced lifestyles we live.
As human beings, our natural emotion is to get out of any situation that makes us uneasy. That's why so many marriages are falling apart! We simply don't want to TRY to save marriage anymore! For whatever reason - it takes too much time, it's too much work, etc. Millions of excuses for not holding on to something as important as life itself!
To save a marriage, both partners should sit down and calmly discuss what's going on with the marriage. This way, you have the opportunity to see it from each other's point of view, and maybe you will see things differently. Once you have found the source of the problem, now it's time to get to work and FIX the problem.
When you work together, you will have a much better chance of saving your marriage and stopping a divorce, than if only one person tries to fix the marriage themselves. When your marriage was good, you had fun together. When times get tough, you have to learn to get through these times together, too, so you can go on to have more fun times!
You will be able to save your marriage, especially when you work together. This following system comes highly recommended, has helped thousands of people just like you, and has been proven many times over. Don't let one rocky part destroy your marriage
Stop My Divorce - Here is a Miracle Method People Desperately Search For byT. Sam Williams
Divorce is one of the most painful situations in life, and in fact it makes someone's life so miserable that many people who get divorced often fall victim of depression & frustration. Divorced people are reported to have been shown higher rate of emotional disturbance and go through several painful mental agony. Many Researches reveal that more than 60% of the divorced people die due to heart disease or high blood pressure. Divorce requires certain adjustment in life to cope up with it.
So it's always better to save your marriage and help yourself to stop your divorce. I have seen many people seek answer to question on "how I will stop my divorce". The relationship could be saved if you follow proper guidelines and think from your heart rather than from your mind.
Here you will discover few reasons behind divorce and what you need to do to prevent it.
The number one reason behind any divorce is lack of communication between both partners. Misunderstanding is another major factor that leads to divorce, so it's better to sit together and overcome the problem by discussing the same between both the partners
Other reason behind divorce is the changes in priorities. A couple gets together and marries with each other only because of love but slowly and slowly the love and passion started to disappear from their life as they started to get involve in some other jobs like office work, household work. Both partners take each other for granted and that is the time when relationship takes a "U" turn. You should always provide attention towards your partner no matter how well your relationship is. Whenever you feel free from other work, use that time to spend with your partner. Give them as much importance as you give to others.
Sometime Money is the reason behind relationship breakup. Don't let it put a wedge between you. Try to work your budget together. Your opposite partner may be good in finance handling so let him/her tackle the money part.
To sum up you have discovered few main reason behind the relationship breakup and I hope by now you have the answer to your question on "how to stop my divorce".
So it's always better to save your marriage and help yourself to stop your divorce. I have seen many people seek answer to question on "how I will stop my divorce". The relationship could be saved if you follow proper guidelines and think from your heart rather than from your mind.
Here you will discover few reasons behind divorce and what you need to do to prevent it.
The number one reason behind any divorce is lack of communication between both partners. Misunderstanding is another major factor that leads to divorce, so it's better to sit together and overcome the problem by discussing the same between both the partners
Other reason behind divorce is the changes in priorities. A couple gets together and marries with each other only because of love but slowly and slowly the love and passion started to disappear from their life as they started to get involve in some other jobs like office work, household work. Both partners take each other for granted and that is the time when relationship takes a "U" turn. You should always provide attention towards your partner no matter how well your relationship is. Whenever you feel free from other work, use that time to spend with your partner. Give them as much importance as you give to others.
Sometime Money is the reason behind relationship breakup. Don't let it put a wedge between you. Try to work your budget together. Your opposite partner may be good in finance handling so let him/her tackle the money part.
To sum up you have discovered few main reason behind the relationship breakup and I hope by now you have the answer to your question on "how to stop my divorce".
Stopping a Husband From Filing For Divorce - Can You? by Leslie Cane
I often get emails asking for my advice on how to stop a husband from either filing for or from going through with a divorce. I understand the urgency of these requests very well. I was in the situation myself a few years ago and I know that these wives think that if a divorce is begun or actually takes place, then the marriage is over for good. There's no more cards to deal or games to play. It's over for good and there's not going to be anything that you can do about it. So, the thinking goes, it's better to do everything in your power to reverse this right now, before the divorce actually happens.
This thinking is very familiar to me, but I also know from experience that it will make things that are ill advised seem completely logical at the time. This is a very dangerous place to be because you are very vulnerable to doing or saying things that you will later come to regret. This is make or break time, no doubt, but don't allow this to convince you that you need to participate in desperate behaviors that are only going to make things worse. I'll discuss this more in the following article.
Legal Maneuvering Is Often Not The Answer. Only Your Attorney Will Win: Many women will tell me things like: "well I'm just going to have my attorney contest the divorce," or "I'm just going to tell my attorney to stall;" or "I will refuse to accept the divorce papers." The thinking behind this is often that you can blame all of this on your attorney and you've bought yourself the time that you need.
But, the problem here is that this is only going to annoy your husband. He's going to see you as an adversary and he's only going to want to make this process end that much sooner. He's going to be annoyed with you and do everything in his power to avoid you. This isn't what you want.
And, your attorney can attempt to stall but this can only go on for so long (and it will be quite expensive even though you still reach the same end.) And as the end is building up, you're only getting further and further away from your husband, not closer. Avoiding being served will do you no good. I'm not an attorney but it is my understanding that your husband can ask for summary judgment most of the time.
Often trying to avoid, delay, or hide from this situation is not going to make it go away. It's best to just take a good hard luck it the reality of the situation, accept it as it is right now, and then calmly decide the best way for you to change it while making sure that you appear (and that he perceives you) in the most favorable way possible.
Understanding That If You Can Change The Perception, You Can Change The Reality: Often people go about stopping the divorce backward. They want to skip to the part where they change the reality of the situation and they don't really think it through or do anything to change the situation. They think that just because they want their husband to change his mind, that they must then force this upon him through whatever means necessary. In the end, he's only going to resent you for this. Even if he does consider "giving in," he will not have made this decision on his own, so this decision is less likely to be lasting.
Your best bet is to actually change his perception of you and of the marriage. You must allow him to see that you are not who he thought and that the marriage is not what he thought. In short, you must change his perception before you even begin to worry about the reality of the situation. But, how can you do this when he's made up his mind and has threatened to begin the divorce process? You make every single encounter and interaction count, but you don't let your desperation or your plan show. You remember who and what he wants. You must do everything in your power to paint yourself as a woman of dignity and respect who values his happiness enough to be calm and rational. You show him that the woman he first fell in love with is still right in front of him. You change his perception from one of annoyance and avoidance to one of curiosity and light heartedness.
Stepping Back to Move Closer: As you probably suspect, this takes some doing and some balancing. You can't come on too strong, but you must make yourself visible. You must show him that you want him to be happy, but you don't just want to throw in the towel and give up. There is a fine line between all of these things. At the end of the day, you must strike a balance and you must look to him for how to best do this. There will likely be some days where he is more receptive than others. On the days where he is not, you should go about doing the things that make you happy, make you appear strong, and make you appear attractive. Often, this silence and this distance will create a little curiosity on his part and so he will be the one who starts to move closer. Again, make sure that you are striking that balance. Don't rush or push. Watch for and respond to his cues and create the distance when you need to.
Wives are understandably reluctant to experience the distance that I'm talking about, but it's often this space that will allow him the perspective that he needs. And when he pauses for this perceptive, make sure that you've painted yourself in the best light. And, hopefully I've shown you that fighting him every step of the way here is not the way to do that.
This thinking is very familiar to me, but I also know from experience that it will make things that are ill advised seem completely logical at the time. This is a very dangerous place to be because you are very vulnerable to doing or saying things that you will later come to regret. This is make or break time, no doubt, but don't allow this to convince you that you need to participate in desperate behaviors that are only going to make things worse. I'll discuss this more in the following article.
Legal Maneuvering Is Often Not The Answer. Only Your Attorney Will Win: Many women will tell me things like: "well I'm just going to have my attorney contest the divorce," or "I'm just going to tell my attorney to stall;" or "I will refuse to accept the divorce papers." The thinking behind this is often that you can blame all of this on your attorney and you've bought yourself the time that you need.
But, the problem here is that this is only going to annoy your husband. He's going to see you as an adversary and he's only going to want to make this process end that much sooner. He's going to be annoyed with you and do everything in his power to avoid you. This isn't what you want.
And, your attorney can attempt to stall but this can only go on for so long (and it will be quite expensive even though you still reach the same end.) And as the end is building up, you're only getting further and further away from your husband, not closer. Avoiding being served will do you no good. I'm not an attorney but it is my understanding that your husband can ask for summary judgment most of the time.
Often trying to avoid, delay, or hide from this situation is not going to make it go away. It's best to just take a good hard luck it the reality of the situation, accept it as it is right now, and then calmly decide the best way for you to change it while making sure that you appear (and that he perceives you) in the most favorable way possible.
Understanding That If You Can Change The Perception, You Can Change The Reality: Often people go about stopping the divorce backward. They want to skip to the part where they change the reality of the situation and they don't really think it through or do anything to change the situation. They think that just because they want their husband to change his mind, that they must then force this upon him through whatever means necessary. In the end, he's only going to resent you for this. Even if he does consider "giving in," he will not have made this decision on his own, so this decision is less likely to be lasting.
Your best bet is to actually change his perception of you and of the marriage. You must allow him to see that you are not who he thought and that the marriage is not what he thought. In short, you must change his perception before you even begin to worry about the reality of the situation. But, how can you do this when he's made up his mind and has threatened to begin the divorce process? You make every single encounter and interaction count, but you don't let your desperation or your plan show. You remember who and what he wants. You must do everything in your power to paint yourself as a woman of dignity and respect who values his happiness enough to be calm and rational. You show him that the woman he first fell in love with is still right in front of him. You change his perception from one of annoyance and avoidance to one of curiosity and light heartedness.
Stepping Back to Move Closer: As you probably suspect, this takes some doing and some balancing. You can't come on too strong, but you must make yourself visible. You must show him that you want him to be happy, but you don't just want to throw in the towel and give up. There is a fine line between all of these things. At the end of the day, you must strike a balance and you must look to him for how to best do this. There will likely be some days where he is more receptive than others. On the days where he is not, you should go about doing the things that make you happy, make you appear strong, and make you appear attractive. Often, this silence and this distance will create a little curiosity on his part and so he will be the one who starts to move closer. Again, make sure that you are striking that balance. Don't rush or push. Watch for and respond to his cues and create the distance when you need to.
Wives are understandably reluctant to experience the distance that I'm talking about, but it's often this space that will allow him the perspective that he needs. And when he pauses for this perceptive, make sure that you've painted yourself in the best light. And, hopefully I've shown you that fighting him every step of the way here is not the way to do that.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Get Your Ex Back - Do it Now in 3 Easy Steps by H.L Archer
One thing that you should remember about getting your ex back is this. You still have ties to them. No one else has the intimate knowledge of your ex like you do. You know what they like and what they don't like. You know what turns them on and what turns them off.
You must stop and realize how powerful this knowledge is going to be in the quest to get them back. You know them inside and out. All the little secrets. This puts you at a great advantage.
On the other hand, your ex partner knows you and all of your good points and all of your bad points. This could put you at a disadvantage unless you use all of this intimate knowledge of each other in the right way. Here's what you should do:
1. Make contact. If the breakup has been awhile, start now. If the breakup has just happened, don't be too hasty, allow for a cooling off period. When the time is right, call them or arrange through a friend to just happen to run into them.
2. Be cheerful and act as nothing had happened between you. Make cheerful small talk and then let it stay that way for a few days.
3. Contact them again. Start with small talk again and then bring into the conversation about having been to a favorite restaurant of your ex partner. Tell them that you thought of them and wondered if they would like to go there. If they accept, you are half way home.
Here's where you put all of this inside knowledge of them to work. You know what you did when the two of you were first dating. Do the same things again. It worked then and it will work now.
Play to the things they like and steer clear of the things that they don't like. Be at your best. Remember you are dating again and you want only your best side to show. Do these things and you will come out a winner and get your ex back
You must stop and realize how powerful this knowledge is going to be in the quest to get them back. You know them inside and out. All the little secrets. This puts you at a great advantage.
On the other hand, your ex partner knows you and all of your good points and all of your bad points. This could put you at a disadvantage unless you use all of this intimate knowledge of each other in the right way. Here's what you should do:
1. Make contact. If the breakup has been awhile, start now. If the breakup has just happened, don't be too hasty, allow for a cooling off period. When the time is right, call them or arrange through a friend to just happen to run into them.
2. Be cheerful and act as nothing had happened between you. Make cheerful small talk and then let it stay that way for a few days.
3. Contact them again. Start with small talk again and then bring into the conversation about having been to a favorite restaurant of your ex partner. Tell them that you thought of them and wondered if they would like to go there. If they accept, you are half way home.
Here's where you put all of this inside knowledge of them to work. You know what you did when the two of you were first dating. Do the same things again. It worked then and it will work now.
Play to the things they like and steer clear of the things that they don't like. Be at your best. Remember you are dating again and you want only your best side to show. Do these things and you will come out a winner and get your ex back
How to Get Your Ex Back If They Dumped You - Stop Chasing Your Ex & Do This Right Away by Joson Leading
It is a terrible feeling to get dumped. If you are one of those unlucky ones, do not let it shatter your confidence. Remember that it is an ideal opportunity to do a lot of new things in your life. This will also go a long way in getting your ex to get back again as you will be a far more interesting person!
Get on with life.
Keep going on as you always have. Though it is tough as your heart is surely breaking, it must be done. Remember at no point should your ex feel that he/she has affected your life in such a terrible manner that you cannot even function! This will be the victory he/she is looking for, and will also give your ex a sense of self importance.
Act as though you are pleased
Act as though the break up was the best thing that happened to you! When you continue with your routine and find time for other activities too, you will find that your ex will be wondering how easy it has been for you to move on. This will make him/her burn with envy.
Work on how you look
You need to realize that you should look hotter than you ever did! When your ex sees you he/she needs to do a double take! You must remember to be courteous and polite always. This will make him/her wonder just why he/she let you go! Being haughty or arrogant will make your ex turn away. Be nice at all times and he/she will realize the mistake he/she has made.
A little jealously
Attend parties with all the new friends you have made. Make sure you go where you know your ex will be present. He will burn with rage when he/she sees the new improved you surrounded by a throng of potential suitor's .Spare a glance and a smile for him/her, just to let him/her know you still care.
Get on with life.
Keep going on as you always have. Though it is tough as your heart is surely breaking, it must be done. Remember at no point should your ex feel that he/she has affected your life in such a terrible manner that you cannot even function! This will be the victory he/she is looking for, and will also give your ex a sense of self importance.
Act as though you are pleased
Act as though the break up was the best thing that happened to you! When you continue with your routine and find time for other activities too, you will find that your ex will be wondering how easy it has been for you to move on. This will make him/her burn with envy.
Work on how you look
You need to realize that you should look hotter than you ever did! When your ex sees you he/she needs to do a double take! You must remember to be courteous and polite always. This will make him/her wonder just why he/she let you go! Being haughty or arrogant will make your ex turn away. Be nice at all times and he/she will realize the mistake he/she has made.
A little jealously
Attend parties with all the new friends you have made. Make sure you go where you know your ex will be present. He will burn with rage when he/she sees the new improved you surrounded by a throng of potential suitor's .Spare a glance and a smile for him/her, just to let him/her know you still care.
How to Fix a Broken Relationship - Learn the Best Way to Fix Your Relationship Easily by Tony Eboulondzi
First of all make a conscious effort to note the good things you like about your partner or things he/she doesn't like. Those who need sexual exclusivity should partner with the same unless they're flexible enough to deal with it in other ways.
Those who do not need sexual exclusivity find their way to honor the marriage in other fashions. If you have been neglecting your relationship too much, then spending quality time over a weekend or longer with your partner can repair much of the damage. This is the time to discuss issues that may have been troubling you both in order to find the right solutions.
This is so that it will be able to suit you both without causing too much upheaval in your careers, and it may also be necessary for your partner to arrange vacation time as well. Planning your save a relationship get away together can be exciting in itself and this alone will be the beginnings of bringing you back closer together. I can show you exactly how to win back your partner and re-ignite the passion in your once happy relationship.
Once you and your partner have smoothed things out, be sure to take things slowly. Rushing back into things can make your relationship an easy target to the same problems that caused your rockiness in the first place.
It is what causes many of the other emotional problems that come up when you find out your partner has cheated on you. You can renew your bonds by taking time out at a save a relationship getaway that you can either plan together or spring as a surprise for your partner.
Make a conscious effort to note the good things you like about your partner or things they do. It is wonderful when you can be best friends with your partner, but sometimes the friendship is doing so well that it receives all the focus, while in the meantime the romance (being in love) has been neglected.
If you are not careful, in time, you will start looking at each other as close buddies and no longer be that passionate couple you started as. This is the ideal kind of gift to offer your partner, because it absolutely affirms your intimacy.
Have you ever tried to communicate with your partner or solve a problem in the middle of a relationship crisis? She wanted deep soulful connection and true partnership. He ran from the connection and she was angry with that most of the time. This comes from the fact that your partner respects you and is willing to help you in your problems. But when you start avoiding your partner, remain silent to his / her problems; it can quickly deteriorate your relationship.
Sometimes one partner's affairs may have more to do with their own character flaws than with issues in the relationship. Some people are cheaters, plain and simple. Yes, you can learn how to share with your partner that what they do isn't acceptable to you. But wouldn't you prefer a relationship full of love and passion.
During strife in a relationship an important factor is to allow your partner to have space to sort out their own feelings as well. This may also mean letting him/her visit family or friends or get away for a while on their own so that they can also sort out their own feelings.
Those who do not need sexual exclusivity find their way to honor the marriage in other fashions. If you have been neglecting your relationship too much, then spending quality time over a weekend or longer with your partner can repair much of the damage. This is the time to discuss issues that may have been troubling you both in order to find the right solutions.
This is so that it will be able to suit you both without causing too much upheaval in your careers, and it may also be necessary for your partner to arrange vacation time as well. Planning your save a relationship get away together can be exciting in itself and this alone will be the beginnings of bringing you back closer together. I can show you exactly how to win back your partner and re-ignite the passion in your once happy relationship.
Once you and your partner have smoothed things out, be sure to take things slowly. Rushing back into things can make your relationship an easy target to the same problems that caused your rockiness in the first place.
It is what causes many of the other emotional problems that come up when you find out your partner has cheated on you. You can renew your bonds by taking time out at a save a relationship getaway that you can either plan together or spring as a surprise for your partner.
Make a conscious effort to note the good things you like about your partner or things they do. It is wonderful when you can be best friends with your partner, but sometimes the friendship is doing so well that it receives all the focus, while in the meantime the romance (being in love) has been neglected.
If you are not careful, in time, you will start looking at each other as close buddies and no longer be that passionate couple you started as. This is the ideal kind of gift to offer your partner, because it absolutely affirms your intimacy.
Have you ever tried to communicate with your partner or solve a problem in the middle of a relationship crisis? She wanted deep soulful connection and true partnership. He ran from the connection and she was angry with that most of the time. This comes from the fact that your partner respects you and is willing to help you in your problems. But when you start avoiding your partner, remain silent to his / her problems; it can quickly deteriorate your relationship.
Sometimes one partner's affairs may have more to do with their own character flaws than with issues in the relationship. Some people are cheaters, plain and simple. Yes, you can learn how to share with your partner that what they do isn't acceptable to you. But wouldn't you prefer a relationship full of love and passion.
During strife in a relationship an important factor is to allow your partner to have space to sort out their own feelings as well. This may also mean letting him/her visit family or friends or get away for a while on their own so that they can also sort out their own feelings.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Want to Save Your Marriage? - Find Out How by kylar mettrnich
Is you marriage in trouble? Do you want to save your marriage? Then you are on the right track by clicking on this article and reading it. As they say, there is no such thing as a coincidence and the fact that you are reading this article right now may have some significance. First of all, you must congratulate yourself from wanting to save your marriage. That only means that you have taken the first important step in salvaging a relationship. Give yourself a pat on the back. Of course it is not right to stop right there. Take the other steps. If you don't know what they are then this article will be a big help for you.
Next Step: Find the Problem. Now that you have acknowledged that there is a problem in your relationship then the next logical step is to determine what the problem is. Every troubled marriage has a root cause and that is what you should find. One of the best places to look for clues are your differences, the differences that come up every time you and your spouse argue with each other. There must be an underlying theme to all your fights. Once you recall what it is, then you already know the main problem in your relationship. Then it is time to move on to the next step.
Next Step: Fix the Problem. OK, to fix the problem is easier said than done. Sometimes though, the solutions to our problems are right under your noses. The reason why many couples are not taking the necessary steps to solve their marital problems is because either they are too lazy or too scared to do so. Implementing solutions require effort and most human being avoid exerting effort. If only people would be able to fight off the emotional inertia that is stopping them from trying out the solutions to solve their problems then there would be significantly less divorce cases all over the world.
Final Step: The Follow Up. If you were successful in bringing life back to your marriage do not think for a moment that the work is done. In fact, you have only just began. You must stand vigilant never to allow small problem to become big issue. Failure to do this may result in another break up in the future. If you want to save your marriage, then you will be willing to work on it every single day.
If you want to save your marriage then remember these steps.
It is a fact that marital problems and divorces have become quite common in recent years. What people fail to take account are the number of couples that were able to fix their marriages and are now living happy lives together. If you are currently having problems with your own marriage, do not lose hope.
Next Step: Find the Problem. Now that you have acknowledged that there is a problem in your relationship then the next logical step is to determine what the problem is. Every troubled marriage has a root cause and that is what you should find. One of the best places to look for clues are your differences, the differences that come up every time you and your spouse argue with each other. There must be an underlying theme to all your fights. Once you recall what it is, then you already know the main problem in your relationship. Then it is time to move on to the next step.
Next Step: Fix the Problem. OK, to fix the problem is easier said than done. Sometimes though, the solutions to our problems are right under your noses. The reason why many couples are not taking the necessary steps to solve their marital problems is because either they are too lazy or too scared to do so. Implementing solutions require effort and most human being avoid exerting effort. If only people would be able to fight off the emotional inertia that is stopping them from trying out the solutions to solve their problems then there would be significantly less divorce cases all over the world.
Final Step: The Follow Up. If you were successful in bringing life back to your marriage do not think for a moment that the work is done. In fact, you have only just began. You must stand vigilant never to allow small problem to become big issue. Failure to do this may result in another break up in the future. If you want to save your marriage, then you will be willing to work on it every single day.
If you want to save your marriage then remember these steps.
It is a fact that marital problems and divorces have become quite common in recent years. What people fail to take account are the number of couples that were able to fix their marriages and are now living happy lives together. If you are currently having problems with your own marriage, do not lose hope.
How to Know If Your Marriage is Not Working by leslie Cane
I often have people ask me how to tell or know for sure if their marriage isn't working or is in trouble. I've even had people ask me to develop a quiz for them to take to determine whether their marriage is working or not. But, I find that the people who are asking this question really don't need any quiz and really do know in their hearts that something is wrong. If they didn't, they wouldn't be on the Internet researching this topic. Because honestly, people in healthy marriages don't research marriages that aren't working. Something must be behind this concern and this research. I believe that people often do know the truth, but they want a third party to confirm what they already know. So, in the following article, I will list some signs of marriages that just aren't working so that you can compare yours and see if any of these descriptions ring any bells.
You Notice Or Feel A Lack Of Intimacy (Either Physical Or Emotional): Often the first thing to go in a troubled marriage is physical intimacy or sex. And often people will have all sorts of justifications for this, like: "we don't have as much time because of the kids," or "we aren't as young anymore," or "sex is not as important in our relationship as it used to be."
All of these may well be valid arguments and they may be absolutely true. But, the physical part of your marriage is absolutely indicative of the emotional part. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it's generally true that something is wrong somewhere else. The emotional connection is lacking and is manifesting itself physically. Married couples who are very closely bonded and firing on all cylinders want to express these feelings physically and they often will simply find the time. I often answer folks who tell me that they are too busy for sex how much time they find for other priorities in their lives. Because these same folks often find the time for a manicure, round of golf, or other activities that they are simply putting first.
You No Longer Have Anything "Real" To Talk About. You May Feel You Have Nothing In Common Anymore: People who write to me and ask whether their marriage is in trouble or not will often tell me that the two of them "don't really talk anymore." Often, they'll find that when they are alone together, the conversation lags or they find themselves only talking about the kids or the shared business or household. Often though, they can often remember a time (when they were first dating or married) that they used to burn up the phone lines and talk for hours, but those days are long gone.
I often hear phrases like "it's like we've run out of things to say," or "we have absolutely nothing in common anymore," and "he tunes me out;" or "she bores me to tears;" or "her nagging sounds just like my mother's and it grates on me horribly."
Truthfully, all of these are a symptom of the disconnect that I discussed earlier. People often feel that they, or their partner, have "changed." I almost never buy this. Sure, people can change their priorities, their outlook, and their perceptions, but I almost never buy that someone changes the core of who they are or changes so drastically as to be so different that they no longer resemble their former selves.
What has happened instead is that it's the circumstances, not the people, who have changed. Children and jobs make your priorities and the allocation of your time different and this in turn brings about a different outcome in your marriage, but this does not mean that your partner (or even you) have changed who you were.
You're Fighting About The Same Old Things And Can Never More Past It: One of the more easy to recognize signs that a marriage is just not working is that the two of you seem to always be having the same old fight because you are never able to resolve the biggest issues in your marriage once and for all.
People who have close and happy marriages are able to navigate and solve their martial problems pretty definitively so that the resentment and anger do not have too long to fester and to continue manifesting themselves to cause more damage. This doesn't mean that they don't have to "work" at their marriage. They do, but they are able to keep things in perspective and to work together to get through them for good rather than holding back or continuing to bring up the old, damaging issues that couples in crisis can not seem to move past.
The Laughter And Fun Is Gone: You may be rereading what I just wrote or think that I've lost my mind, but truly happy families and households place humor and having fun together as a very high priority. If you notice couples who are newlyweds or newly in love and you watch them for any length of time you will see a lot of flirting and laughing going on because they enjoy being together, they bring out the best in each other, and people who are happy in their relationships have a lot to smile about. What's the point really if you aren't enjoying yourself and having fun?
If you can't deny that your household has become sullen, take a look at how many fun or lighthearted activities you and your spouse are engaging in. Because people whose marriages are in trouble will often avoid these kinds of activities because they have become awkward and the payoff just isn't there anymore.
If you've seen any of these "warning signs," this doesn't mean that you're one step away from divorce or that these problems can not be fixed. It just means that your marriage could use some definite improvement and it certainly doesn't make any sense to wait to address this. Admitting that their is room for change is the first step toward making things right.
You Notice Or Feel A Lack Of Intimacy (Either Physical Or Emotional): Often the first thing to go in a troubled marriage is physical intimacy or sex. And often people will have all sorts of justifications for this, like: "we don't have as much time because of the kids," or "we aren't as young anymore," or "sex is not as important in our relationship as it used to be."
All of these may well be valid arguments and they may be absolutely true. But, the physical part of your marriage is absolutely indicative of the emotional part. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it's generally true that something is wrong somewhere else. The emotional connection is lacking and is manifesting itself physically. Married couples who are very closely bonded and firing on all cylinders want to express these feelings physically and they often will simply find the time. I often answer folks who tell me that they are too busy for sex how much time they find for other priorities in their lives. Because these same folks often find the time for a manicure, round of golf, or other activities that they are simply putting first.
You No Longer Have Anything "Real" To Talk About. You May Feel You Have Nothing In Common Anymore: People who write to me and ask whether their marriage is in trouble or not will often tell me that the two of them "don't really talk anymore." Often, they'll find that when they are alone together, the conversation lags or they find themselves only talking about the kids or the shared business or household. Often though, they can often remember a time (when they were first dating or married) that they used to burn up the phone lines and talk for hours, but those days are long gone.
I often hear phrases like "it's like we've run out of things to say," or "we have absolutely nothing in common anymore," and "he tunes me out;" or "she bores me to tears;" or "her nagging sounds just like my mother's and it grates on me horribly."
Truthfully, all of these are a symptom of the disconnect that I discussed earlier. People often feel that they, or their partner, have "changed." I almost never buy this. Sure, people can change their priorities, their outlook, and their perceptions, but I almost never buy that someone changes the core of who they are or changes so drastically as to be so different that they no longer resemble their former selves.
What has happened instead is that it's the circumstances, not the people, who have changed. Children and jobs make your priorities and the allocation of your time different and this in turn brings about a different outcome in your marriage, but this does not mean that your partner (or even you) have changed who you were.
You're Fighting About The Same Old Things And Can Never More Past It: One of the more easy to recognize signs that a marriage is just not working is that the two of you seem to always be having the same old fight because you are never able to resolve the biggest issues in your marriage once and for all.
People who have close and happy marriages are able to navigate and solve their martial problems pretty definitively so that the resentment and anger do not have too long to fester and to continue manifesting themselves to cause more damage. This doesn't mean that they don't have to "work" at their marriage. They do, but they are able to keep things in perspective and to work together to get through them for good rather than holding back or continuing to bring up the old, damaging issues that couples in crisis can not seem to move past.
The Laughter And Fun Is Gone: You may be rereading what I just wrote or think that I've lost my mind, but truly happy families and households place humor and having fun together as a very high priority. If you notice couples who are newlyweds or newly in love and you watch them for any length of time you will see a lot of flirting and laughing going on because they enjoy being together, they bring out the best in each other, and people who are happy in their relationships have a lot to smile about. What's the point really if you aren't enjoying yourself and having fun?
If you can't deny that your household has become sullen, take a look at how many fun or lighthearted activities you and your spouse are engaging in. Because people whose marriages are in trouble will often avoid these kinds of activities because they have become awkward and the payoff just isn't there anymore.
If you've seen any of these "warning signs," this doesn't mean that you're one step away from divorce or that these problems can not be fixed. It just means that your marriage could use some definite improvement and it certainly doesn't make any sense to wait to address this. Admitting that their is room for change is the first step toward making things right.
How to Know If Your Marriage is Not Working by leslie Cane
I often have people ask me how to tell or know for sure if their marriage isn't working or is in trouble. I've even had people ask me to develop a quiz for them to take to determine whether their marriage is working or not. But, I find that the people who are asking this question really don't need any quiz and really do know in their hearts that something is wrong. If they didn't, they wouldn't be on the Internet researching this topic. Because honestly, people in healthy marriages don't research marriages that aren't working. Something must be behind this concern and this research. I believe that people often do know the truth, but they want a third party to confirm what they already know. So, in the following article, I will list some signs of marriages that just aren't working so that you can compare yours and see if any of these descriptions ring any bells.
You Notice Or Feel A Lack Of Intimacy (Either Physical Or Emotional): Often the first thing to go in a troubled marriage is physical intimacy or sex. And often people will have all sorts of justifications for this, like: "we don't have as much time because of the kids," or "we aren't as young anymore," or "sex is not as important in our relationship as it used to be."
All of these may well be valid arguments and they may be absolutely true. But, the physical part of your marriage is absolutely indicative of the emotional part. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it's generally true that something is wrong somewhere else. The emotional connection is lacking and is manifesting itself physically. Married couples who are very closely bonded and firing on all cylinders want to express these feelings physically and they often will simply find the time. I often answer folks who tell me that they are too busy for sex how much time they find for other priorities in their lives. Because these same folks often find the time for a manicure, round of golf, or other activities that they are simply putting first.
You No Longer Have Anything "Real" To Talk About. You May Feel You Have Nothing In Common Anymore: People who write to me and ask whether their marriage is in trouble or not will often tell me that the two of them "don't really talk anymore." Often, they'll find that when they are alone together, the conversation lags or they find themselves only talking about the kids or the shared business or household. Often though, they can often remember a time (when they were first dating or married) that they used to burn up the phone lines and talk for hours, but those days are long gone.
I often hear phrases like "it's like we've run out of things to say," or "we have absolutely nothing in common anymore," and "he tunes me out;" or "she bores me to tears;" or "her nagging sounds just like my mother's and it grates on me horribly."
Truthfully, all of these are a symptom of the disconnect that I discussed earlier. People often feel that they, or their partner, have "changed." I almost never buy this. Sure, people can change their priorities, their outlook, and their perceptions, but I almost never buy that someone changes the core of who they are or changes so drastically as to be so different that they no longer resemble their former selves.
What has happened instead is that it's the circumstances, not the people, who have changed. Children and jobs make your priorities and the allocation of your time different and this in turn brings about a different outcome in your marriage, but this does not mean that your partner (or even you) have changed who you were.
You're Fighting About The Same Old Things And Can Never More Past It: One of the more easy to recognize signs that a marriage is just not working is that the two of you seem to always be having the same old fight because you are never able to resolve the biggest issues in your marriage once and for all.
People who have close and happy marriages are able to navigate and solve their martial problems pretty definitively so that the resentment and anger do not have too long to fester and to continue manifesting themselves to cause more damage. This doesn't mean that they don't have to "work" at their marriage. They do, but they are able to keep things in perspective and to work together to get through them for good rather than holding back or continuing to bring up the old, damaging issues that couples in crisis can not seem to move past.
The Laughter And Fun Is Gone: You may be rereading what I just wrote or think that I've lost my mind, but truly happy families and households place humor and having fun together as a very high priority. If you notice couples who are newlyweds or newly in love and you watch them for any length of time you will see a lot of flirting and laughing going on because they enjoy being together, they bring out the best in each other, and people who are happy in their relationships have a lot to smile about. What's the point really if you aren't enjoying yourself and having fun?
If you can't deny that your household has become sullen, take a look at how many fun or lighthearted activities you and your spouse are engaging in. Because people whose marriages are in trouble will often avoid these kinds of activities because they have become awkward and the payoff just isn't there anymore.
If you've seen any of these "warning signs," this doesn't mean that you're one step away from divorce or that these problems can not be fixed. It just means that your marriage could use some definite improvement and it certainly doesn't make any sense to wait to address this. Admitting that their is room for change is the first step toward making things right.
You Notice Or Feel A Lack Of Intimacy (Either Physical Or Emotional): Often the first thing to go in a troubled marriage is physical intimacy or sex. And often people will have all sorts of justifications for this, like: "we don't have as much time because of the kids," or "we aren't as young anymore," or "sex is not as important in our relationship as it used to be."
All of these may well be valid arguments and they may be absolutely true. But, the physical part of your marriage is absolutely indicative of the emotional part. If something is wrong in the bedroom, then it's generally true that something is wrong somewhere else. The emotional connection is lacking and is manifesting itself physically. Married couples who are very closely bonded and firing on all cylinders want to express these feelings physically and they often will simply find the time. I often answer folks who tell me that they are too busy for sex how much time they find for other priorities in their lives. Because these same folks often find the time for a manicure, round of golf, or other activities that they are simply putting first.
You No Longer Have Anything "Real" To Talk About. You May Feel You Have Nothing In Common Anymore: People who write to me and ask whether their marriage is in trouble or not will often tell me that the two of them "don't really talk anymore." Often, they'll find that when they are alone together, the conversation lags or they find themselves only talking about the kids or the shared business or household. Often though, they can often remember a time (when they were first dating or married) that they used to burn up the phone lines and talk for hours, but those days are long gone.
I often hear phrases like "it's like we've run out of things to say," or "we have absolutely nothing in common anymore," and "he tunes me out;" or "she bores me to tears;" or "her nagging sounds just like my mother's and it grates on me horribly."
Truthfully, all of these are a symptom of the disconnect that I discussed earlier. People often feel that they, or their partner, have "changed." I almost never buy this. Sure, people can change their priorities, their outlook, and their perceptions, but I almost never buy that someone changes the core of who they are or changes so drastically as to be so different that they no longer resemble their former selves.
What has happened instead is that it's the circumstances, not the people, who have changed. Children and jobs make your priorities and the allocation of your time different and this in turn brings about a different outcome in your marriage, but this does not mean that your partner (or even you) have changed who you were.
You're Fighting About The Same Old Things And Can Never More Past It: One of the more easy to recognize signs that a marriage is just not working is that the two of you seem to always be having the same old fight because you are never able to resolve the biggest issues in your marriage once and for all.
People who have close and happy marriages are able to navigate and solve their martial problems pretty definitively so that the resentment and anger do not have too long to fester and to continue manifesting themselves to cause more damage. This doesn't mean that they don't have to "work" at their marriage. They do, but they are able to keep things in perspective and to work together to get through them for good rather than holding back or continuing to bring up the old, damaging issues that couples in crisis can not seem to move past.
The Laughter And Fun Is Gone: You may be rereading what I just wrote or think that I've lost my mind, but truly happy families and households place humor and having fun together as a very high priority. If you notice couples who are newlyweds or newly in love and you watch them for any length of time you will see a lot of flirting and laughing going on because they enjoy being together, they bring out the best in each other, and people who are happy in their relationships have a lot to smile about. What's the point really if you aren't enjoying yourself and having fun?
If you can't deny that your household has become sullen, take a look at how many fun or lighthearted activities you and your spouse are engaging in. Because people whose marriages are in trouble will often avoid these kinds of activities because they have become awkward and the payoff just isn't there anymore.
If you've seen any of these "warning signs," this doesn't mean that you're one step away from divorce or that these problems can not be fixed. It just means that your marriage could use some definite improvement and it certainly doesn't make any sense to wait to address this. Admitting that their is room for change is the first step toward making things right.
Repair a Broken Marriage - Use This Powerful "Trick" to Revitalize Your Marriage by T. Benjamin Brown
Are you in a broken marriage that is on the rocks and in need of repair? I have a solution for you. In this article, I am going to show you how to save your broken marriage!
How You Can Get Your Spouse Back Into Your Arms In a nutshell, there are techniques that you can use to "trick" your partner into falling back in love with you. Furthermore, these techniques work even better for people who have been in love with each other before! That would be you! You can learn to manipulate the conditions in your relationship so that your partner will fall completely in love with you! Head over heels in love! What does this mean for you? It means that no matter how bad your relationship is right now, it is possible for you to recover your broken marriage!
The biology of love and what it can do for your marriage. Let's learn a little bit about what love does to our brains. Basically, love is a special kind of chemistry. When we fall in love our brains are flooded with four chemicals. We feel a high that no other human emotion can create. Did you know that the effects of this high can last up to three years? You can get a lot of mileage out of that!
More importantly, love is addictive. Powerfully addictive! The chemicals that we create when we fall in love have addictive qualities equal to drugs like cocaine. So that means, once you "trick" your partner into falling back in love with you, they won't be able to get enough of you. This is powerful. You will have all kinds of opportunities to strengthen your marriage so that it will never break again.
You're thinking "Sign me up! How do I get started? How do I get my partner to fall in love with me again?
First: It comes down to having been in love with each other before. This past experience gives you a huge advantage. Huge, I tell you! When you were first falling in love with your partner, your bodies used a combination of your five senses along with the chemicals produced by your brain to basically put each other through a series of tests. Without going into too much detail, these pop quizzes determined that you were a good match for one another. Your advantage is that you have already passed the test, you have been preapproved! You have good chemistry.
Second: Another advantage for you is that you have been in a long term relationship (marriage!) so you and your partner have developed a bond. It might not feel like it right now while things are rocky, but it is true. Studies have shown that the shared history of a long-term relationship in combination with "good chemistry" create the perfect conditions to fall in love again.
Third: There are simple techniques you can use to drive up the level of dopamine in your spouses brain to trigger feelings of romantic love! This is where the fun begins!
Quick Recap: Okay, so now you know that love really comes down to a chemical addiction between two people. You know that because of your marriage, you and your spouse have developed a bond over time. This chemistry between the two of you along with the bond that you have established provide the perfect conditions for you to fall in love again. Now, you bring it all home by engaging in activities together that drive up the level of dopamine in the brain and thus will trigger feelings of romantic love. Simple.
Remember, your spouse chose to marry you for a very good reason, you were a good match and you still are! So, be yourself and let your partner remember why they fell in love with you in the first place. Utilizing the information above will help you to rekindle old feelings of attraction and draw your spouse back to you.
How You Can Get Your Spouse Back Into Your Arms In a nutshell, there are techniques that you can use to "trick" your partner into falling back in love with you. Furthermore, these techniques work even better for people who have been in love with each other before! That would be you! You can learn to manipulate the conditions in your relationship so that your partner will fall completely in love with you! Head over heels in love! What does this mean for you? It means that no matter how bad your relationship is right now, it is possible for you to recover your broken marriage!
The biology of love and what it can do for your marriage. Let's learn a little bit about what love does to our brains. Basically, love is a special kind of chemistry. When we fall in love our brains are flooded with four chemicals. We feel a high that no other human emotion can create. Did you know that the effects of this high can last up to three years? You can get a lot of mileage out of that!
More importantly, love is addictive. Powerfully addictive! The chemicals that we create when we fall in love have addictive qualities equal to drugs like cocaine. So that means, once you "trick" your partner into falling back in love with you, they won't be able to get enough of you. This is powerful. You will have all kinds of opportunities to strengthen your marriage so that it will never break again.
You're thinking "Sign me up! How do I get started? How do I get my partner to fall in love with me again?
First: It comes down to having been in love with each other before. This past experience gives you a huge advantage. Huge, I tell you! When you were first falling in love with your partner, your bodies used a combination of your five senses along with the chemicals produced by your brain to basically put each other through a series of tests. Without going into too much detail, these pop quizzes determined that you were a good match for one another. Your advantage is that you have already passed the test, you have been preapproved! You have good chemistry.
Second: Another advantage for you is that you have been in a long term relationship (marriage!) so you and your partner have developed a bond. It might not feel like it right now while things are rocky, but it is true. Studies have shown that the shared history of a long-term relationship in combination with "good chemistry" create the perfect conditions to fall in love again.
Third: There are simple techniques you can use to drive up the level of dopamine in your spouses brain to trigger feelings of romantic love! This is where the fun begins!
Quick Recap: Okay, so now you know that love really comes down to a chemical addiction between two people. You know that because of your marriage, you and your spouse have developed a bond over time. This chemistry between the two of you along with the bond that you have established provide the perfect conditions for you to fall in love again. Now, you bring it all home by engaging in activities together that drive up the level of dopamine in the brain and thus will trigger feelings of romantic love. Simple.
Remember, your spouse chose to marry you for a very good reason, you were a good match and you still are! So, be yourself and let your partner remember why they fell in love with you in the first place. Utilizing the information above will help you to rekindle old feelings of attraction and draw your spouse back to you.
Solve Your Marriage Problems With These Happy Marriage Tips by Erica Connella
Having problems in a marriage must not be a big deal, but unfortunately some problems can be really disastrous to one's married life. And if there are problems, you should do your best to solve your marriage problems.
The following are some happy marriage tips we hope helps you put your married life back on track and bring happiness in your life:
* Never assume things. If you have a confusion in your mind, do yourself a favor and clear things out calmly with your spouse.
* Show to your husband or wife that you care. Showing care and interest in your spouse alone can solve many of your marriage problems.
* You fell in love with your wife/husband, now fall in love with the mother/father of your children. Save your marriage, not only for you, but for your children.
* When getting into an argument, first consider if it is really worth it. For example, arguing about who left the milk on the table, is it really worth it?
* Do not ever mention "divorce", make the word a taboo.
* Whenever you get a chance, surprise your partner. Get her/him a bunch of flowers for no reason just to say "I love you".
* Learn to sacrifice. Sometimes you may even have to sacrifice your principles. Do you want a happy married life or do you to be always right?
* Be touchy-feely whenever you have a moment of intimacy. I guess this would be happy marriage tip number one.
* Kick the ego out of your life if you want to save your marriage for ever. Just by saying "I'm sorry", a number of marriage problems can be solved or avoided.
* He/She is your soulmate. Never keep secrets from him/her.
* This one is a very important one: Do not compare your marriage with others. What you see on the outside may not always be what the reality is on the inside of a marriage relationship.
The following are some happy marriage tips we hope helps you put your married life back on track and bring happiness in your life:
* Never assume things. If you have a confusion in your mind, do yourself a favor and clear things out calmly with your spouse.
* Show to your husband or wife that you care. Showing care and interest in your spouse alone can solve many of your marriage problems.
* You fell in love with your wife/husband, now fall in love with the mother/father of your children. Save your marriage, not only for you, but for your children.
* When getting into an argument, first consider if it is really worth it. For example, arguing about who left the milk on the table, is it really worth it?
* Do not ever mention "divorce", make the word a taboo.
* Whenever you get a chance, surprise your partner. Get her/him a bunch of flowers for no reason just to say "I love you".
* Learn to sacrifice. Sometimes you may even have to sacrifice your principles. Do you want a happy married life or do you to be always right?
* Be touchy-feely whenever you have a moment of intimacy. I guess this would be happy marriage tip number one.
* Kick the ego out of your life if you want to save your marriage for ever. Just by saying "I'm sorry", a number of marriage problems can be solved or avoided.
* He/She is your soulmate. Never keep secrets from him/her.
* This one is a very important one: Do not compare your marriage with others. What you see on the outside may not always be what the reality is on the inside of a marriage relationship.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Key Roles in Marital Relationships By Dee Duncan
I married my best friend! My husband married his best friend! We did everything together, even shopping. We had a wonderful relationship. We understood each other. Although, I have always been a very strong woman, my husband has always been the intellectual type; very smart, we made a great team.
Relationships are hard enough without the influences of what someone else thinks your marriage should be. Sure, advice is a wonderful thing, when properly dispensed especially with experience to back it up. However, even that can become tainted depending upon what type situation one is dealing with.
Take the Bible, for instance, everyone seems to base marriage on what the Bible says about the man and the woman. "Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife." Wives, obey your husbands," or does it say, "wives submit to your husbands?" Either way, we all seem to think these are the proper steps to a long and happy marital relationship. How many times have people told me that my husband is the head-is my head. How many times have I heard that my role is to submit and obey?
Millions upon millions of times I have heard support your husband, he comes first. It seems that so many people have defined the key roles of a husband and wife based on what is written in the Bible. We even see most weddings taking place in a church, the ceremony performed by a minister; even when the bride and groom are not affiliated with a church a all. Even when the bride and/or groom do not believe or live according to anything in the Bible, almost everybody will go straight to the Bible to define their roles as husband and wife.
The man is supposed to be the head. The head of the household, the head of the family, the head of his wife. That is his role. The wife is supposed to submit-that is her role. Give me 5 stinking breaks one after another!!
If there is anyone who defines their marriage this way and try and live it successfully, I take my hat off to you. I have seen more unhappy wives who just put up with this type role because they are afraid to disagree. I have seen more men try and force their wives to be, not submissive, but subservient, and ruin what could have been a beautiful relationship. Some where down the line, other people who had been married in this traditional manner decided that it was their duty to try and force other couples to live this way.
We have men telling other newly wed men that they need to teach their wives how to obey, control them and make them submit to you. We have women telling newly wed women that their role is to take care of the man and submit to whatever he says or does.
One day I asked my husband, "why is it that before we got married, none of this came up?" Before I married my best friend, all we talked about was our love and being together and our plan for our lives together and what we would do once we lived together as husband and wife. Even when we went through pre-marital counceling, we were in such agreement and so in love. Now all of a sudden, everything is about roles.
I must say, there are some older men who have schooled him well about me. I don't understand how it is they seem to know me better than he does. But we no longer talk about our love and our lives together, we only talk aobut his role as the head and my role as the submissive one. His friends have wives that say how high when they say leap. These women have to ask for permission to breathe. Our relationship has never been that way, until other people began to interfere. They felt it their responsibility to teach us what our roles are.
Who decided that just because the man is labeled as the head that he should just automatically get his way? Who decided that just because the woman submits that she should not have a brain in her head? That her husband should do all the thinking for her. Who decided that just because the role of the man is to be the head, he should handle all the business, whether he is capable or not? Who decided that when a woman handles the business of the household per her husband's request, that she is not being submissive. Just because you see her out front does not mean she is not submitting. What gives us the right to define these roles the way we think they should be?
We have a foundation for a marital relationship, but we got stuck on the foundation. Just like everything else. We have kept marriage in the dark ages. We have a tendency to think that just because we can't get any more out of it than we already have, no one can. That's because you are stuck. You have defined yourself into a jail from which you cannot escape. By your own words and thoughts, your own definitions, your own stubbornness; now, you wish everyone to share the same cell in which you are kept prisoner. Your own ego and pride has put you there because you refuse to build on the foundation you already have. A foundation is no good unless you build on it. Key roles are not all there are to relationships. Commitments would dictate that you live for me and I live for you. Vows would symbolize that I committed to make you happy and whole. Many times this means shutting out the interference. Just because your 18th century method of marriage is all you know does not mean it is for everybody!
Men cannot see a carbon copy of himself every time he comes into contact with another husband. Women cannot see a carbon copy of herself every time she comes into contact with another wife. You do not set the standard.
Personally, I am convinced that we still have much to learn about relationships. Until we get past the idea that everybody wants it to go their way, we are doomed to see more break-ups and divorces. Until we decide that we need to sit with that book called the Bible and figure out what some of these things really mean, we are doomed to repeat our same mistakes over and over again. I will not live by your convictions, I must live according to my own convictions. Oh boy, I'm happy!! I must be doing something wrong! Thats how we think, and then we set out to destroy what ever we think is happy.
I wish that others would just stop trying to define my role for me. I wish others would stop trying to define what a marital relationship is, at least until they absolutely find out for themselves what it is.
You tell me that its okay for my husband to hang out with you all the time, even when he neglects his own home, my role is to just submit. You tell me that its okay if my husband is not intimate with me, just submit to that. You tell me that I am the strong one and I should carry him, always, but I must also submit. You tell me that my husband should be out front and receive all the credit whether he did the work or not, I should be proud to just submit.
for more information on marriage tips visit www.resellrightstores.com/blog
Relationships are hard enough without the influences of what someone else thinks your marriage should be. Sure, advice is a wonderful thing, when properly dispensed especially with experience to back it up. However, even that can become tainted depending upon what type situation one is dealing with.
Take the Bible, for instance, everyone seems to base marriage on what the Bible says about the man and the woman. "Therefore shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife." Wives, obey your husbands," or does it say, "wives submit to your husbands?" Either way, we all seem to think these are the proper steps to a long and happy marital relationship. How many times have people told me that my husband is the head-is my head. How many times have I heard that my role is to submit and obey?
Millions upon millions of times I have heard support your husband, he comes first. It seems that so many people have defined the key roles of a husband and wife based on what is written in the Bible. We even see most weddings taking place in a church, the ceremony performed by a minister; even when the bride and groom are not affiliated with a church a all. Even when the bride and/or groom do not believe or live according to anything in the Bible, almost everybody will go straight to the Bible to define their roles as husband and wife.
The man is supposed to be the head. The head of the household, the head of the family, the head of his wife. That is his role. The wife is supposed to submit-that is her role. Give me 5 stinking breaks one after another!!
If there is anyone who defines their marriage this way and try and live it successfully, I take my hat off to you. I have seen more unhappy wives who just put up with this type role because they are afraid to disagree. I have seen more men try and force their wives to be, not submissive, but subservient, and ruin what could have been a beautiful relationship. Some where down the line, other people who had been married in this traditional manner decided that it was their duty to try and force other couples to live this way.
We have men telling other newly wed men that they need to teach their wives how to obey, control them and make them submit to you. We have women telling newly wed women that their role is to take care of the man and submit to whatever he says or does.
One day I asked my husband, "why is it that before we got married, none of this came up?" Before I married my best friend, all we talked about was our love and being together and our plan for our lives together and what we would do once we lived together as husband and wife. Even when we went through pre-marital counceling, we were in such agreement and so in love. Now all of a sudden, everything is about roles.
I must say, there are some older men who have schooled him well about me. I don't understand how it is they seem to know me better than he does. But we no longer talk about our love and our lives together, we only talk aobut his role as the head and my role as the submissive one. His friends have wives that say how high when they say leap. These women have to ask for permission to breathe. Our relationship has never been that way, until other people began to interfere. They felt it their responsibility to teach us what our roles are.
Who decided that just because the man is labeled as the head that he should just automatically get his way? Who decided that just because the woman submits that she should not have a brain in her head? That her husband should do all the thinking for her. Who decided that just because the role of the man is to be the head, he should handle all the business, whether he is capable or not? Who decided that when a woman handles the business of the household per her husband's request, that she is not being submissive. Just because you see her out front does not mean she is not submitting. What gives us the right to define these roles the way we think they should be?
We have a foundation for a marital relationship, but we got stuck on the foundation. Just like everything else. We have kept marriage in the dark ages. We have a tendency to think that just because we can't get any more out of it than we already have, no one can. That's because you are stuck. You have defined yourself into a jail from which you cannot escape. By your own words and thoughts, your own definitions, your own stubbornness; now, you wish everyone to share the same cell in which you are kept prisoner. Your own ego and pride has put you there because you refuse to build on the foundation you already have. A foundation is no good unless you build on it. Key roles are not all there are to relationships. Commitments would dictate that you live for me and I live for you. Vows would symbolize that I committed to make you happy and whole. Many times this means shutting out the interference. Just because your 18th century method of marriage is all you know does not mean it is for everybody!
Men cannot see a carbon copy of himself every time he comes into contact with another husband. Women cannot see a carbon copy of herself every time she comes into contact with another wife. You do not set the standard.
Personally, I am convinced that we still have much to learn about relationships. Until we get past the idea that everybody wants it to go their way, we are doomed to see more break-ups and divorces. Until we decide that we need to sit with that book called the Bible and figure out what some of these things really mean, we are doomed to repeat our same mistakes over and over again. I will not live by your convictions, I must live according to my own convictions. Oh boy, I'm happy!! I must be doing something wrong! Thats how we think, and then we set out to destroy what ever we think is happy.
I wish that others would just stop trying to define my role for me. I wish others would stop trying to define what a marital relationship is, at least until they absolutely find out for themselves what it is.
You tell me that its okay for my husband to hang out with you all the time, even when he neglects his own home, my role is to just submit. You tell me that its okay if my husband is not intimate with me, just submit to that. You tell me that I am the strong one and I should carry him, always, but I must also submit. You tell me that my husband should be out front and receive all the credit whether he did the work or not, I should be proud to just submit.
for more information on marriage tips visit www.resellrightstores.com/blog
The Ultimate Keys to Successful Long-Term Relationships By Indrani Bhattacherjee
Among all these relationships, the relationship between the husband and the wife is probably the most important one as it gives foundation to the concept of society. This relationship comes into existence with tying the nuptial knot between the wife and the husband, which allows them to share their life later on. It is the responsibility of both husband and wife to take their relationship seriously and to carry out this responsibility, it is very important to have a better understanding between them.
A person needs to follow certain rules and regulations as an inseparable part of the society. The society wishes every man to live like respectable part of it. This is because man is the foundation of society it is the basic requirement of a human being as he lives his life here right from his birth until his demise to up hold the image. Many relationships happen to develop in the lifetime of a human being. All these relationships are necessary as all of them have their own importance and significance. It is always necessary for every human being to respect all these relationships.
These days, marriage analysis services are available everywhere. This type of analysis is very helpful for the young couples to develop a better understanding towards their responsibilities. These services are also helpful for those young men and women who wish to enter the conjugal life later in their life.
Marriage counseling helped to reduce the occurrence of divorce. Couples who have gone through marital counseling generally have ability for tackling troubles they may face together. Marriage counseling enhances your consciousness of possible matters that could impact your relationship. It also proposes you to know whether or not you are really ready for marriage.
Entire topics of discussion before marriage should be of values and beliefs, development of conflict resolution skills of each other including sex and intimacy, communication skills, marriage expectations, family ambitions, responsibility relationships, child education, and family finances.
'1000 Questions for couples' has been a very successful program on the internet as it has solved problems to numerous couples through marriage counseling. This site is very interactive in format as it has many useful and witty questions for the couples that are based upon real life problems. These questions for the married couples are very effective to solve all types of problems that spoil the joy of married life. As these problems are common to every household, therefore if you are also facing problems in your life also and you seriously wish to overcome them
A person needs to follow certain rules and regulations as an inseparable part of the society. The society wishes every man to live like respectable part of it. This is because man is the foundation of society it is the basic requirement of a human being as he lives his life here right from his birth until his demise to up hold the image. Many relationships happen to develop in the lifetime of a human being. All these relationships are necessary as all of them have their own importance and significance. It is always necessary for every human being to respect all these relationships.
These days, marriage analysis services are available everywhere. This type of analysis is very helpful for the young couples to develop a better understanding towards their responsibilities. These services are also helpful for those young men and women who wish to enter the conjugal life later in their life.
Marriage counseling helped to reduce the occurrence of divorce. Couples who have gone through marital counseling generally have ability for tackling troubles they may face together. Marriage counseling enhances your consciousness of possible matters that could impact your relationship. It also proposes you to know whether or not you are really ready for marriage.
Entire topics of discussion before marriage should be of values and beliefs, development of conflict resolution skills of each other including sex and intimacy, communication skills, marriage expectations, family ambitions, responsibility relationships, child education, and family finances.
'1000 Questions for couples' has been a very successful program on the internet as it has solved problems to numerous couples through marriage counseling. This site is very interactive in format as it has many useful and witty questions for the couples that are based upon real life problems. These questions for the married couples are very effective to solve all types of problems that spoil the joy of married life. As these problems are common to every household, therefore if you are also facing problems in your life also and you seriously wish to overcome them
Broken Marriage Help - Tips to Help Save Your Relationship
If you feel that the relationship you share with your spouse is becoming strained, you've likely been looking for broken marriage help. Unfortunately, even if we have the best intentions when we wed, things don't always go the way we plan. You may find that the dynamic between you and your spouse has shifted dramatically and you're left wondering whether the marriage can even be saved. If you love your partner and you want to find a way to salvage the relationship and make it even stronger than it's ever been, you can do just that. With the right guidance you can actually have a more fulfilling and loving connection than you did the day you wed.
When you are searching for broken marriage help it's important to first consider the state of communication between you and your spouse. Do you two still talk about what you are feeling or have your conversations been delegated to general talk about household duties and raising your children? If you two don't focus on each other sometimes your marriage is definitely going to suffer. Make time to talk to your partner and ensure they understand that you want them to share all of their feelings with you. Tell them that you'll do everything you can to stay open and objective. If they anticipate you reacting negatively to them, they will be less likely to share.
Also, you must give your partner room if they ask for it. One very important piece of broken marriage help is to always respect what your spouse asks of you. You may feel that you're losing them forever if they tell you they need to separate for a time or they decide to sleep in another room. This can actually be the thing that makes them realize what they have in you. Sometimes time apart helps a person understand what they risk losing so if your partner wants some time alone, give it to them. It just may mean you'll end up with an even stronger marriage.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. For more insight into the troubles many marriages face and steps you can take to save your relationship
When you are searching for broken marriage help it's important to first consider the state of communication between you and your spouse. Do you two still talk about what you are feeling or have your conversations been delegated to general talk about household duties and raising your children? If you two don't focus on each other sometimes your marriage is definitely going to suffer. Make time to talk to your partner and ensure they understand that you want them to share all of their feelings with you. Tell them that you'll do everything you can to stay open and objective. If they anticipate you reacting negatively to them, they will be less likely to share.
Also, you must give your partner room if they ask for it. One very important piece of broken marriage help is to always respect what your spouse asks of you. You may feel that you're losing them forever if they tell you they need to separate for a time or they decide to sleep in another room. This can actually be the thing that makes them realize what they have in you. Sometimes time apart helps a person understand what they risk losing so if your partner wants some time alone, give it to them. It just may mean you'll end up with an even stronger marriage.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. For more insight into the troubles many marriages face and steps you can take to save your relationship
Marriage Advice: Eight Steps to Marital Harmony by Nacy Wasson
The formula for marital harmony and success is not a mysterious secret. It’s actually very straightforward.
The “behind the scenes” part is the constant work that’s required to keep the channels of love and communication clear from obstruction. Diligent spouses consistently spend time and energy addressing issues as they come up so that anger and hurt feelings don’t accumulate.
Spouses who want satisfying marriages also look for ways to keep their love strong, such as remembering to show affection and appreciation frequently. They know that the more they feel connected and bonded, the more motivated they will be to resolve problems and hang in there when things are difficult.
The following eight steps will guide you in looking at what you can do to increase your chances for creating a happy, harmonious marriage:
1. Work on yourself and your own issues that you brought with you into the marriage.
Many responses that you have to your spouse’s actions are triggered by past events going back to your childhood. If one of your emotional wounds is feeling disrespected, then when your partner inadvertently does something that triggers those feelings, you’ll experience an intense reaction. Individual counseling can help you to be more self-aware of what’s behind your intense reactions and what you can do so that you don’t over-react to issues in your marriage.
2. Avoid blaming your partner for problems in the marriage.
Blame only causes the other person to become defensive and angry, and it decreases the probability that the two of you can find a win-win solution to your problems. When you focus on blaming your spouse for what’s happening in the marriage, you are planting seeds of resentment that can hurt the relationship. A marriage is composed of two people, and each contributes to the quality of the relationship and shares responsibility for it.
3. Be empathetic and put yourself in your partner’s place when issues come up.
Really try to understand where your partner is coming from when you disagree or when your partner does something that you can’t make sense of. Ask your spouse to talk about his or her feelings. Listen respectfully and ask your spouse to clarify points that you don’t understand. Develop a curiosity for learning more about your spouse’s feelings and take special care to create an emotionally safe environment for the discussions with your spouse.
4. Look for ways to make your partner’s life easier and to show your love.
Many of the irritants and stressors in modern day life are the little things---the extra time it takes to pick up the cleaning on the way home from work or to put the clean dishes in the dishwasher away. When you see some errand or task that you can do to save your partner time, offer to do it.
Look for opportunities to give your spouse a few minutes to relax or have downtime. Watch for things you can do to pamper your partner when you can. It’s often the little things that can make a big difference in marital happiness and satisfaction.
5. Express appreciation often and say form the habit of saying “thank you.”
As months and years go by, many spouses take each other for granted and neglect to express appreciation or say “thank you” to each other. Numerous spouses complain that their partners only focus on what they do wrong and never compliment them.
It’s sad to think that the one person who means the most to you might have to wonder whether or not you appreciate them. Let your spouse know how much he or she means to you on a frequent basis. Give compliments and praise freely, and express thanks for all that your partner does to enrich your life and marriage.
6. Apologize quickly and sincerely, taking responsibility for your part in whatever happens in the marriage.
The truth is that sometimes it’s hard to say “I’m sorry.” That’s when it’s time to remember the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”
Accept that things don’t always make sense in a relationship and that confusion and misunderstandings can happen easily. It’s a mark of maturity when you can say, “I’m so sorry for my part in what has happened between us.”
7. Have interests, hobbies and activities in your life that you enjoy so you’re not thrown off center so easily if you have a tiff or quarrel with your spouse.
It’s important to have interests and activities of your own that are satisfying to you that can help to keep you balanced and anchored if other areas of your life are upsetting. That way, you can more easily regain a sense of perspective and be able to withstand the on-going stress.
For example, if you and your spouse are encountering some rocks along the relationship path, you could go on a long bike ride, go fishing with a friend, visit a museum, or read an interesting book. Those activities and interests can add pleasure to your life to help balance out the temporary problems in your marriage. You’re always ahead of the game when you know some ways to lift your spirits.
8. Look for fun activities and bonding experiences to share with your mate.
Be on the lookout for activities that could be fun for you and your spouse to do together. Search the local newspaper for plays, concerts, new movies, museum exhibits, neighborhood fairs and festivals, and new restaurants that are advertised. Laughter and having fun is bonding and can help to create those “Kodak moments” that are so delightful.
Also look for activities that represent causes you and your spouse believe in, such as spending a Saturday helping a local charity with a garage sale or volunteering together at a local soup kitchen. These experiences can serve to remind you of what you have in common with your spouse and of how good it feels to be working in unison with a shared purpose.
For more imformatiom marriage tips visit www.resellrightstores/blog
The “behind the scenes” part is the constant work that’s required to keep the channels of love and communication clear from obstruction. Diligent spouses consistently spend time and energy addressing issues as they come up so that anger and hurt feelings don’t accumulate.
Spouses who want satisfying marriages also look for ways to keep their love strong, such as remembering to show affection and appreciation frequently. They know that the more they feel connected and bonded, the more motivated they will be to resolve problems and hang in there when things are difficult.
The following eight steps will guide you in looking at what you can do to increase your chances for creating a happy, harmonious marriage:
1. Work on yourself and your own issues that you brought with you into the marriage.
Many responses that you have to your spouse’s actions are triggered by past events going back to your childhood. If one of your emotional wounds is feeling disrespected, then when your partner inadvertently does something that triggers those feelings, you’ll experience an intense reaction. Individual counseling can help you to be more self-aware of what’s behind your intense reactions and what you can do so that you don’t over-react to issues in your marriage.
2. Avoid blaming your partner for problems in the marriage.
Blame only causes the other person to become defensive and angry, and it decreases the probability that the two of you can find a win-win solution to your problems. When you focus on blaming your spouse for what’s happening in the marriage, you are planting seeds of resentment that can hurt the relationship. A marriage is composed of two people, and each contributes to the quality of the relationship and shares responsibility for it.
3. Be empathetic and put yourself in your partner’s place when issues come up.
Really try to understand where your partner is coming from when you disagree or when your partner does something that you can’t make sense of. Ask your spouse to talk about his or her feelings. Listen respectfully and ask your spouse to clarify points that you don’t understand. Develop a curiosity for learning more about your spouse’s feelings and take special care to create an emotionally safe environment for the discussions with your spouse.
4. Look for ways to make your partner’s life easier and to show your love.
Many of the irritants and stressors in modern day life are the little things---the extra time it takes to pick up the cleaning on the way home from work or to put the clean dishes in the dishwasher away. When you see some errand or task that you can do to save your partner time, offer to do it.
Look for opportunities to give your spouse a few minutes to relax or have downtime. Watch for things you can do to pamper your partner when you can. It’s often the little things that can make a big difference in marital happiness and satisfaction.
5. Express appreciation often and say form the habit of saying “thank you.”
As months and years go by, many spouses take each other for granted and neglect to express appreciation or say “thank you” to each other. Numerous spouses complain that their partners only focus on what they do wrong and never compliment them.
It’s sad to think that the one person who means the most to you might have to wonder whether or not you appreciate them. Let your spouse know how much he or she means to you on a frequent basis. Give compliments and praise freely, and express thanks for all that your partner does to enrich your life and marriage.
6. Apologize quickly and sincerely, taking responsibility for your part in whatever happens in the marriage.
The truth is that sometimes it’s hard to say “I’m sorry.” That’s when it’s time to remember the question, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”
Accept that things don’t always make sense in a relationship and that confusion and misunderstandings can happen easily. It’s a mark of maturity when you can say, “I’m so sorry for my part in what has happened between us.”
7. Have interests, hobbies and activities in your life that you enjoy so you’re not thrown off center so easily if you have a tiff or quarrel with your spouse.
It’s important to have interests and activities of your own that are satisfying to you that can help to keep you balanced and anchored if other areas of your life are upsetting. That way, you can more easily regain a sense of perspective and be able to withstand the on-going stress.
For example, if you and your spouse are encountering some rocks along the relationship path, you could go on a long bike ride, go fishing with a friend, visit a museum, or read an interesting book. Those activities and interests can add pleasure to your life to help balance out the temporary problems in your marriage. You’re always ahead of the game when you know some ways to lift your spirits.
8. Look for fun activities and bonding experiences to share with your mate.
Be on the lookout for activities that could be fun for you and your spouse to do together. Search the local newspaper for plays, concerts, new movies, museum exhibits, neighborhood fairs and festivals, and new restaurants that are advertised. Laughter and having fun is bonding and can help to create those “Kodak moments” that are so delightful.
Also look for activities that represent causes you and your spouse believe in, such as spending a Saturday helping a local charity with a garage sale or volunteering together at a local soup kitchen. These experiences can serve to remind you of what you have in common with your spouse and of how good it feels to be working in unison with a shared purpose.
For more imformatiom marriage tips visit www.resellrightstores/blog
Marriage Problems After Kids - Tips For a Rock Solid Foundation
Novelist and screenwriter Nora Ephron once wrote, "When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was."
Unfortunately, it seems having kids can bring on marriage trouble but if you are aware of the areas that are the most affected you can easily balance these two important areas of your life and having kids can be a positive accompaniment to your marriage. These two areas can support each other instead of working against each other.
As parents do, we are engrossed in taking care of our childrens' needs and security. Finding time to feed, bathe, and play with them between work schedules is challenging enough. Hanging out as a couple is like a dream from the old days, when getting together was like signing your name.
There is more to it than time management. Marriage trouble can be escalated with routine squabbles about everything from how to discipline the kids to your own expectations -- and disappointments. Many couples spend nil time together, even when the kids are in bed, a couple will go on to do their own thing and never meet up after wards. Through it all, the nagging question remains: How does a couple with kids protect their marriage -- the relationship that created these beautiful children to begin with -- and still manage to be good parents? What can they do as a couple to protect their marriage and create a firmer foundation?
These tips are highly effective toward marriage trouble after kids. They will help you and your spouse create a firmer foundation and a happier married life and at the same time demonstrate to your kids what a strong couple you are, affirming to them that your family will always be together. An added benefit to this is that your children will also learn over a period of time how to be good partners themselves.
Learn to Compromise
It's a very common problem. We give plenty of attention to our children but not enough to each other. Over time, this transfer of focus can start to hurt even the most solid relationships.
Make no mistake that a strong relationship with your partner is one of the best things a couple can do for their kids and their childhood. Harboring a solid, loving relationship sets your children up for better marriages themselves when they grow up. They will have had a good example to follow and will want to have the same as they saw their parents having.
* Set a plan in place that enables you and your spouse to have free time together and spend that time together. If you are both too tired then be too tired together. If you just feel like going to bed then go to bed together. Once you get into the motion of doing something together your feeling of tired will bend, as you have something to look forward to and spending time with your spouse.
Strengthen the Foundation
How can you keep a focus on your marriage when most of your time and energy is devoted to your kids?
* Keep the relationship with your partner at the top of the list, above your children. This doesn't mean to forget about the needs of your children. You can do the little things that let each other know and the kids know how much you value your relationship with your spouse.
Keep the Romance Alive!
* Shift your center of attention sometimes.
It is important for your children to learn, from a young age, that mom and dad can't just drop everything when they want their attention. Don't allow them to interrupt your adult conversations.
This takes time and training just like everything involving kids but it is well worth it when the training takes hold. When your child gets older he can participate more in the conversations but until then it is valuable for your relationship that your kids learn to wait their turn to talk.
Warm Welcomes
You hug your kids everyday, usually more then once. Even the dog gets a cuddle or two. What about your spouse? Does he/she get greeted with enthusiasm or just a simple "hello" in the midst of your busy schedule?
* Once in a while, kiss and hug your spouse when they get home, as if one of you is going away and you aren't going to see each other for a week. The kids will have a giggle and this kind of affection reassures them that you're close to each other, as well as to them.
The 20 Minute Reconnect
You don't need a whole weekend away or even a regular "date night" to keep the spark alive.
* Take short walks together. Catch up on each others life and use this time to reconnect to each other.
* Pair up when you take the kids to daycare or pick them up from an activity. The portion of the commute or waiting time can be used to chat.
Early Bedtime for Kids
Get you your kids into a strong bedtime routine from a young age (one year old is good time to start the process).
This will give you time after your kids are in bed to do things you want and need to do and time to spend together, without interruptions from the kids. A good bedtime for toddlers, especially those in school is 7:30 -8:00pm.
Help Carry the Cargo
* Share in the chores. This can also be a prime couple time.
After the kids are in bed, get the evening chores done together along with some music. Not only will you finish sooner so you can relax, but because you are helping each other there is no resentment about who does more. This is a good time to chat and catch up on things.
Encourage Independence
* Teach your kids to play independently (an added value for their imagination)
When children learn to entertain themselves for short periods of time, it means less time you have to spend as your tot's activity director leaving more time for yourself and your spouse.
More ways to keep the Glow Glowing
Revive your past
Remember who you were as individuals and as a couple before you were parents. Bring back into your lives the activities you used to enjoy together. This is particularly effective when your routine starts to feel just that - routine.
Schedule Love Making
True. It's not very spontaneous. However, sex is usually the one area left out because something has to give right? So scheduling it into your routine is more practical. Waiting for it to JUST APPEAR one night will cause you to lose your intimate relationship.
Quiet Quarreling
Loud, out of control arguing is insulting, and will have huge consequences on the intimacy level of your marriage. Doing it in front of your kids will cause them to do the same with you when you have a disagreement. It also shows them you don't respect each other. A Preschooler is old enough to recognize this - make no mistake.
Father can Know Best
If your spouse thinks you don't trust them to take care of the kids as well as you do, it will cause resentment and you will find your spouse, bailing out of the picture every chance he gets. Don't criticize too much and be open minded with things. Let him do it his way sometimes. Men should guard against fleeing off in order to escape parenting.
Daytime Dating
You already know that a date can reignite that spark in your relationship -- but you can extend the range of dating by doing lunch dating while the kids are in day care or at an activity. If you are both working parents then meet up for lunch.
The Stages of Marriage - Feeling trapped?
Appreciate that the trying times in your marriage are only temporary. This helps you not feel trapped.
Feeling disconnected from your partner while your kids are little simply comes with the territory of parenting. It doesn't mean you have a failed marriage and are heading for a break up. However, when faced with marriage trouble use your anger and concern as a sign you need to make an effort to connect with each other.
Marriage advice from the professionals say that one of a child's biggest anxieties is that their parents won't stay together. You can avoid this fear in your children by ensuring you invest time and energy into your marriage thus avoiding marriage trouble. Knowing their parents have a strong, untouchable relationship is one of a child's greatest comforts so give it to them and at the same time give yourself the gift of an unbreakable bond.
Unfortunately, it seems having kids can bring on marriage trouble but if you are aware of the areas that are the most affected you can easily balance these two important areas of your life and having kids can be a positive accompaniment to your marriage. These two areas can support each other instead of working against each other.
As parents do, we are engrossed in taking care of our childrens' needs and security. Finding time to feed, bathe, and play with them between work schedules is challenging enough. Hanging out as a couple is like a dream from the old days, when getting together was like signing your name.
There is more to it than time management. Marriage trouble can be escalated with routine squabbles about everything from how to discipline the kids to your own expectations -- and disappointments. Many couples spend nil time together, even when the kids are in bed, a couple will go on to do their own thing and never meet up after wards. Through it all, the nagging question remains: How does a couple with kids protect their marriage -- the relationship that created these beautiful children to begin with -- and still manage to be good parents? What can they do as a couple to protect their marriage and create a firmer foundation?
These tips are highly effective toward marriage trouble after kids. They will help you and your spouse create a firmer foundation and a happier married life and at the same time demonstrate to your kids what a strong couple you are, affirming to them that your family will always be together. An added benefit to this is that your children will also learn over a period of time how to be good partners themselves.
Learn to Compromise
It's a very common problem. We give plenty of attention to our children but not enough to each other. Over time, this transfer of focus can start to hurt even the most solid relationships.
Make no mistake that a strong relationship with your partner is one of the best things a couple can do for their kids and their childhood. Harboring a solid, loving relationship sets your children up for better marriages themselves when they grow up. They will have had a good example to follow and will want to have the same as they saw their parents having.
* Set a plan in place that enables you and your spouse to have free time together and spend that time together. If you are both too tired then be too tired together. If you just feel like going to bed then go to bed together. Once you get into the motion of doing something together your feeling of tired will bend, as you have something to look forward to and spending time with your spouse.
Strengthen the Foundation
How can you keep a focus on your marriage when most of your time and energy is devoted to your kids?
* Keep the relationship with your partner at the top of the list, above your children. This doesn't mean to forget about the needs of your children. You can do the little things that let each other know and the kids know how much you value your relationship with your spouse.
Keep the Romance Alive!
* Shift your center of attention sometimes.
It is important for your children to learn, from a young age, that mom and dad can't just drop everything when they want their attention. Don't allow them to interrupt your adult conversations.
This takes time and training just like everything involving kids but it is well worth it when the training takes hold. When your child gets older he can participate more in the conversations but until then it is valuable for your relationship that your kids learn to wait their turn to talk.
Warm Welcomes
You hug your kids everyday, usually more then once. Even the dog gets a cuddle or two. What about your spouse? Does he/she get greeted with enthusiasm or just a simple "hello" in the midst of your busy schedule?
* Once in a while, kiss and hug your spouse when they get home, as if one of you is going away and you aren't going to see each other for a week. The kids will have a giggle and this kind of affection reassures them that you're close to each other, as well as to them.
The 20 Minute Reconnect
You don't need a whole weekend away or even a regular "date night" to keep the spark alive.
* Take short walks together. Catch up on each others life and use this time to reconnect to each other.
* Pair up when you take the kids to daycare or pick them up from an activity. The portion of the commute or waiting time can be used to chat.
Early Bedtime for Kids
Get you your kids into a strong bedtime routine from a young age (one year old is good time to start the process).
This will give you time after your kids are in bed to do things you want and need to do and time to spend together, without interruptions from the kids. A good bedtime for toddlers, especially those in school is 7:30 -8:00pm.
Help Carry the Cargo
* Share in the chores. This can also be a prime couple time.
After the kids are in bed, get the evening chores done together along with some music. Not only will you finish sooner so you can relax, but because you are helping each other there is no resentment about who does more. This is a good time to chat and catch up on things.
Encourage Independence
* Teach your kids to play independently (an added value for their imagination)
When children learn to entertain themselves for short periods of time, it means less time you have to spend as your tot's activity director leaving more time for yourself and your spouse.
More ways to keep the Glow Glowing
Revive your past
Remember who you were as individuals and as a couple before you were parents. Bring back into your lives the activities you used to enjoy together. This is particularly effective when your routine starts to feel just that - routine.
Schedule Love Making
True. It's not very spontaneous. However, sex is usually the one area left out because something has to give right? So scheduling it into your routine is more practical. Waiting for it to JUST APPEAR one night will cause you to lose your intimate relationship.
Quiet Quarreling
Loud, out of control arguing is insulting, and will have huge consequences on the intimacy level of your marriage. Doing it in front of your kids will cause them to do the same with you when you have a disagreement. It also shows them you don't respect each other. A Preschooler is old enough to recognize this - make no mistake.
Father can Know Best
If your spouse thinks you don't trust them to take care of the kids as well as you do, it will cause resentment and you will find your spouse, bailing out of the picture every chance he gets. Don't criticize too much and be open minded with things. Let him do it his way sometimes. Men should guard against fleeing off in order to escape parenting.
Daytime Dating
You already know that a date can reignite that spark in your relationship -- but you can extend the range of dating by doing lunch dating while the kids are in day care or at an activity. If you are both working parents then meet up for lunch.
The Stages of Marriage - Feeling trapped?
Appreciate that the trying times in your marriage are only temporary. This helps you not feel trapped.
Feeling disconnected from your partner while your kids are little simply comes with the territory of parenting. It doesn't mean you have a failed marriage and are heading for a break up. However, when faced with marriage trouble use your anger and concern as a sign you need to make an effort to connect with each other.
Marriage advice from the professionals say that one of a child's biggest anxieties is that their parents won't stay together. You can avoid this fear in your children by ensuring you invest time and energy into your marriage thus avoiding marriage trouble. Knowing their parents have a strong, untouchable relationship is one of a child's greatest comforts so give it to them and at the same time give yourself the gift of an unbreakable bond.
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