It all starts with taking the L.E.A.P (four steps to happiness).
Lifestyle
Earnings
Alone time
Passion
Fact -
By now we all know that 40-50% of marriages ends in divorce, but let's explore that even further. I bet many of you were not even aware that a whopping 36 to 39% of that percentage belongs to women and men under the age of 25. The plot thickens.
The Myths -
In today's world, women are more independent than ever; however, many of us are still haunted by the myths "happily-ever-after" and "love can conquer all", which play a major part in the high divorce rates. Let's face it, many women still long for the fairytale ending of some handsome Prince sweeping them off their feet...taking them away from all problems, completing them, and on and on. This only works in the movies. In real life, after the honeymoon stage, everyday life starts to pay a visit-and often.
The Culprit -
The truth of the matter is these are some of the real culprits that threaten your happy ending:
* Finances
* Sex
* Communication
* Family
* Religion
* Resentment
Many relationships are doomed to fail before they even begin because they are started under such false pretenses. There are no guarantees, but if you're thinking of getting married at some point in your life and want to increase the odds of happiness, take that L.E.A.P. These four simple must do's (as I like to call it), prepares you for whatever's to, come by starting with the one in the mirror, you!
L-is for Lifestyle
First take inventory of the life you currently live and the kind you see yourself living in the future. You may lead a quiet, laid-back, walks-along-the-beach type of life or you may like the excitement of concerts, parties etc. You may be quite the traveler; can't stay put for long periods of time. Are you a vegan, religious, or a neat freak? Do you live lavishly, accepting only the finer things that life has to offer? You get the idea. Compatibility is a major aspect of a relationship. Learn your lifestyle.
E- is for Earning
Get your finances in order. Money's not everything, but let's be real honest-when things go wrong in a relationship, there's nothing happy about being broke and alone with no plans. Set your income goals and go for it -full speed. Make sure you have a checking and savings account. Some of you may have mutual funds, stocks and bonds, even a 401k. Are you in debt? Take a look at your credit reports. See where you stand on paper and take the proper steps to improve your score. Don't wait until you get into a relationship to do these things, because love has a way of distracting us, especially women. Go in solid or close to it.
A-is for Alone
This one may seem obvious, but few of us truly get this. Spend some alone time with, that's right, you. Fall in love with you first before loving someone else. Ask yourself, "Who am I"? Figure out what truly makes you happy. Do you have trust, commitment, or jealousy issues? Are you religious or are you spiritual? If you don't deal with these issues now, they will surface once you're married, promise.
P-is for Passion
Last, but probably the most important of the four. Follow your dreams. Never and I mean never give up on your dreams. Take every single step towards that dream. Focus on you before you focus on someone else. If you do it the other way around, 9 times out of ten, you'll end up putting your life on hold. Find that career and do what it takes to achieve it and thrive.
So enclosing my friends, remember-although nothings guaranteed and no rule is set in stone, one thing's for sure-no one can give you happiness, you must supply yourself with a plethora of it...then there will be plenty to go around.
R. Phillips
Motivator for Independent Women.Go through this link to know more
Article Source:Visit this link for that
Monday, August 31, 2009
Make Your Husband Fall in Love With You Again
A lot of married women have a common overriding concern - how do they make their husbands fall in love with them again? After years of being married the romance can dry out and sometimes that can spell trouble. When feelings change, it opens the marriage to all sorts of insecurities and worries... Will he leave me for someone else? Does he not find me attractive anymore? Why can't we have fun the way we used to? How can we rekindle the romance? These are some concerns that give many women sleepless nights.
It's not a good feeling when you realize that your husband's feelings towards you might've changed. And you wonder if you should leave things as they are and watch your marriage move towards a slow and painful death or is there something you can do to save it? Well, the good news is, you can make your husband fall in love with you again and put your marriage back on solid ground. Here are some effective tips to make your man sit up and take notice of you:
• Don't make the mistake of focusing on figuring out what exactly went wrong and why? Instead of worrying or concentrating on the negatives, focus on positive solutions.
• If you continue to focus on what could've made your husband fall out of love with you, you'll be filled with regret. As of today, regard this as the beginning of a new and satisfying phase of your marriage. Wake up everyday with this positive attitude.
• Your husband is bound to notice a change in your behavior and might get inspired by it! When you reach out to him and show him how much you love him and value his being an integral part of your life, his attitude will also change.
• Don't forget to be the best you can be. When you look in the mirror concentrate on the good features of your face, don't look at your acne or crooked nose or whatever! Do good and feel good. Work on yourself within and without. Look after your appearance. These things should make your husband fall in love with you again.
• Cultivate and follow your dreams. Do things you've always wanted to, but didn't or couldn't for whatever reason. A spouse with their own set of interests makes for an attractive and confident partner, someone who has new aspects to talk about and share.
• Learn to have fun again as a couple. Don't get over serious about life - the kids, bills to pay, money to earn. Sure, you need to do all of that and they are extremely important, but don't let them take over your life completely. Have moments of spontaneous fun! Do it consciously and you both will feel good! Go for an ice cream in the middle of the night. Go shake a leg or two at a night club!
• In order for someone to love you, you need to love yourself. When you love yourself, you have more to give. And when you treat yourself well, your husband will remember how lucky he is to have you in his life.
Try out these highly effective tips and notice the positive changes they bring about in your marriage and partner. This is how you make your husband fall in love with you again! All the best!
Why is getting your husband back so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a lover is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. Losing a spouse is even worse. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. It is too early for this. You can still reverse the breakup and successfully reunite with your spouse. I will teach you how to bring back the passion into your relationship.
Please visit my site: to find out how you can get your husband back in your life and make him fall in love with you again. These methods have been used by many with an extraordinary degree of success. You will be in good hands.
Article Source:Follow this link
It's not a good feeling when you realize that your husband's feelings towards you might've changed. And you wonder if you should leave things as they are and watch your marriage move towards a slow and painful death or is there something you can do to save it? Well, the good news is, you can make your husband fall in love with you again and put your marriage back on solid ground. Here are some effective tips to make your man sit up and take notice of you:
• Don't make the mistake of focusing on figuring out what exactly went wrong and why? Instead of worrying or concentrating on the negatives, focus on positive solutions.
• If you continue to focus on what could've made your husband fall out of love with you, you'll be filled with regret. As of today, regard this as the beginning of a new and satisfying phase of your marriage. Wake up everyday with this positive attitude.
• Your husband is bound to notice a change in your behavior and might get inspired by it! When you reach out to him and show him how much you love him and value his being an integral part of your life, his attitude will also change.
• Don't forget to be the best you can be. When you look in the mirror concentrate on the good features of your face, don't look at your acne or crooked nose or whatever! Do good and feel good. Work on yourself within and without. Look after your appearance. These things should make your husband fall in love with you again.
• Cultivate and follow your dreams. Do things you've always wanted to, but didn't or couldn't for whatever reason. A spouse with their own set of interests makes for an attractive and confident partner, someone who has new aspects to talk about and share.
• Learn to have fun again as a couple. Don't get over serious about life - the kids, bills to pay, money to earn. Sure, you need to do all of that and they are extremely important, but don't let them take over your life completely. Have moments of spontaneous fun! Do it consciously and you both will feel good! Go for an ice cream in the middle of the night. Go shake a leg or two at a night club!
• In order for someone to love you, you need to love yourself. When you love yourself, you have more to give. And when you treat yourself well, your husband will remember how lucky he is to have you in his life.
Try out these highly effective tips and notice the positive changes they bring about in your marriage and partner. This is how you make your husband fall in love with you again! All the best!
Why is getting your husband back so important to you?
Because a good relationship is one of the most treasured of human interactions. We all want to be loved. There are the great times together, the shared dreams and visions, the mutual likes and dislikes and more. Great relationships are essential for enjoying a good quality of life. They color everything else around us.
Losing a lover is one of the most emotionally traumatizing episodes in our life. Losing a spouse is even worse. It is amazing how the very thing that brings us the most pleasure also brings with it the most grief.
But don't give up on the love of your life yet. It is too early for this. You can still reverse the breakup and successfully reunite with your spouse. I will teach you how to bring back the passion into your relationship.
Please visit my site: to find out how you can get your husband back in your life and make him fall in love with you again. These methods have been used by many with an extraordinary degree of success. You will be in good hands.
Article Source:Follow this link
How Best To Show Love To Your Spouse
Love your spouse - the Secret Of love in marriage. Love is blind and it wins all. Love is a wonderful gift from God, it makes one feel special and multiplies joy, it is kind, thoughtful and adds spice to life. You might be wondering how this works out, it is simply by falling deeply in love again with your spouse. The question is how? It might be lingering in your mind. I wonder where the first love goes after marriage. Have you ever flashed back how life used to be when you were newly married? With all the sweet words and wonderful treatment, love was at its climax. How you used to hold her like a baby, call her sweet names such as sweet heart, baby, honey and so on. Now the fire of love died out and the spark that used to ignite you is dead. True love remains forever green, it does not grow weary because it takes no effort, it doesn't grow old because it knows no conditions, it cares, bears and goes on and on. So, if you truly meant what you used to do, love your spouse.
Why can't you rekindle your love flame and love your spouse? Love ends when you stop caring and sharing. Allocate time for your spouse without interruptions of any activities. Take holiday outings together and get time to share views and opinions that would keep your moves better and improve your love life. To show love to your spouse, you may do extra-ordinary things that would re-ignite the love that you had towards your spouse. Spoil your spouse by surprising her with such gifts that you used to offer during courtship. You may also call him/her such names that you used during your early days in marriage. To ladies, where did you take the attention that you used to give your husband before you got kids? All the attention was driven off to your kids. It is a high time you draw back that attention to him and love your spouse.
Widen your vision, develop a healthy self image and find strength in adversity within your spouse. Refresh the good old memories that used to re-light and sets power in appreciation. Learn to appreciate every single thing that your spouse does to you even though small. Courtesy costs nothing but means a lot, learn to use such words as please, sorry and excuse when addressing your spouse. Learn to love your spouse under all conditions regardless of the hardships and the mountains and valleys you might be crossing together.
Take your spouse to such places that you used to go when in courtship such as cinemas and dancing halls. Do crazy things that you used to do while young in love such as kissing, dancing together, playing and so on. By doing this you will be strengthening the bond of love that
is between you and you will be showing your spouse how much you love him/her. Rekindle your love flame and love your spouse once more.
Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest Project Love Your Spouse Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Love Your Spouse
Article Source:Don't fail to visit this link
Why can't you rekindle your love flame and love your spouse? Love ends when you stop caring and sharing. Allocate time for your spouse without interruptions of any activities. Take holiday outings together and get time to share views and opinions that would keep your moves better and improve your love life. To show love to your spouse, you may do extra-ordinary things that would re-ignite the love that you had towards your spouse. Spoil your spouse by surprising her with such gifts that you used to offer during courtship. You may also call him/her such names that you used during your early days in marriage. To ladies, where did you take the attention that you used to give your husband before you got kids? All the attention was driven off to your kids. It is a high time you draw back that attention to him and love your spouse.
Widen your vision, develop a healthy self image and find strength in adversity within your spouse. Refresh the good old memories that used to re-light and sets power in appreciation. Learn to appreciate every single thing that your spouse does to you even though small. Courtesy costs nothing but means a lot, learn to use such words as please, sorry and excuse when addressing your spouse. Learn to love your spouse under all conditions regardless of the hardships and the mountains and valleys you might be crossing together.
Take your spouse to such places that you used to go when in courtship such as cinemas and dancing halls. Do crazy things that you used to do while young in love such as kissing, dancing together, playing and so on. By doing this you will be strengthening the bond of love that
is between you and you will be showing your spouse how much you love him/her. Rekindle your love flame and love your spouse once more.
Francis K. Githinji Is An Online Dating Expert. His Latest Project Love Your Spouse Shows How The Power Of Online Dating Can Be Harnessed Internationally and With Great Success, Or You Could Post Your Valued Comments On His Blog At Love Your Spouse
Article Source:Don't fail to visit this link
Loving Your Spouse With Wisdom
There are two ways we can love our spouse. We can love under our own understanding of what we think love is, or we can love the way God has directed us to love. I think we all know how to love, but doing it is a whole different matter.
What is the difference between the two? The first way of loving is a condition and learned way to love, which is selfish and self-seeking. We don't know we are behaving selfishly because we do not know any other way to love.
The second way of loving is what comes naturally because we have loved and accepted God into our lives first. The reason it's so natural is because we have recognized and utilized the spiritual Christ in our lives, which makes loving a natural process of who we are.
It is very difficult to love another if we are only thinking about ourselves. Some examples of how we love our spouse selfishly are, committing adultery, being disrespectful, using controlling behavior, using negative feelings, becoming resentful, becoming ensnared in an addiction, and the list goes on.
False teachings on marriage and loose morals in society have caused many couples to become bitter and apprehensive when loving one another. Society has lost the value of what real love is and it has tainted couples into sinful behavior. As we all know sin dampens our love for God by turning our focus on ourselves. You cannot truly love your spouse if you only think of yourself.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
1. A Husband should be willing to sacrifice everything for his wife just as Jesus Christ sacrificed everything for us. Do you think a husband who loves God will be able to make his wife the most important aspect of his life?
2. A Husband should make his wife's well-being of prime importance. Do you think that if a man accepts Christ into his life he will know how to love, protect, provide and care for his wife properly? God will give him the answers he needs.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24
As you can see from scripture, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband's leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife properly. This means doing whatever it takes to protect, provide, love, and care for his wife under the "spiritual authority" given to him by God.
If a husband does not accept the "spiritual authority" of God, then he has no justification to think that his wife submit to him the way God intends for a woman to submit to her husband. Obviously they are not basing their love under the foundations of Jesus Christ, but under their own understanding of what they think love is, and this scripture, therefore, does not apply to them.
Here is what couples usually tell me when they are going through difficulties in their marriage. They want to do what is right for their marriage. They are willing to work at the marriage but don't know what to do about their problems. Their negative feelings bring them down, and they are usually upset and furious over the iniquities and faults of one another.
The problem is couples are basing their marriage upon worldly views, attitudes, and thoughts, and the fact is, as long as they continue to do so, they will continue to have difficulties loving their spouse properly. When we are not motivated by love, we become critical of our spouse. We stop looking for the good things in those we love and only see their faults.
We can all talk about how to love and we know what the bible says about loving our spouse, but what about doing what it says! Bottom line is real love takes effort, and if the willingness is not there to work on marriage and to love our spouse with the love that comes natural, couples will have problems.
The good news is you can love your spouse naturally and wholly by recognizing and utilizing the foundations of God's design into your relationship and working off of that for your marriage.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Romans 12:9-13
Angie Lewis is the author of two marriage books. "Journey on the Roads Less Traveled", a book about love, life, addiction, and marriage.
"Love The Man Your Married. This book tackles areas in marriage that couples need to know and understand and apply for a successful marriage. This book is a most reliable resource for married couples, from infidelity issues to complete forgiveness.
For more information on these books visit Angie's website and sign up for the free monthly newsletter while you're there! Get yours by clicking this link :
Article Source:Check it out here:
What is the difference between the two? The first way of loving is a condition and learned way to love, which is selfish and self-seeking. We don't know we are behaving selfishly because we do not know any other way to love.
The second way of loving is what comes naturally because we have loved and accepted God into our lives first. The reason it's so natural is because we have recognized and utilized the spiritual Christ in our lives, which makes loving a natural process of who we are.
It is very difficult to love another if we are only thinking about ourselves. Some examples of how we love our spouse selfishly are, committing adultery, being disrespectful, using controlling behavior, using negative feelings, becoming resentful, becoming ensnared in an addiction, and the list goes on.
False teachings on marriage and loose morals in society have caused many couples to become bitter and apprehensive when loving one another. Society has lost the value of what real love is and it has tainted couples into sinful behavior. As we all know sin dampens our love for God by turning our focus on ourselves. You cannot truly love your spouse if you only think of yourself.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
1. A Husband should be willing to sacrifice everything for his wife just as Jesus Christ sacrificed everything for us. Do you think a husband who loves God will be able to make his wife the most important aspect of his life?
2. A Husband should make his wife's well-being of prime importance. Do you think that if a man accepts Christ into his life he will know how to love, protect, provide and care for his wife properly? God will give him the answers he needs.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24
As you can see from scripture, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband's leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife properly. This means doing whatever it takes to protect, provide, love, and care for his wife under the "spiritual authority" given to him by God.
If a husband does not accept the "spiritual authority" of God, then he has no justification to think that his wife submit to him the way God intends for a woman to submit to her husband. Obviously they are not basing their love under the foundations of Jesus Christ, but under their own understanding of what they think love is, and this scripture, therefore, does not apply to them.
Here is what couples usually tell me when they are going through difficulties in their marriage. They want to do what is right for their marriage. They are willing to work at the marriage but don't know what to do about their problems. Their negative feelings bring them down, and they are usually upset and furious over the iniquities and faults of one another.
The problem is couples are basing their marriage upon worldly views, attitudes, and thoughts, and the fact is, as long as they continue to do so, they will continue to have difficulties loving their spouse properly. When we are not motivated by love, we become critical of our spouse. We stop looking for the good things in those we love and only see their faults.
We can all talk about how to love and we know what the bible says about loving our spouse, but what about doing what it says! Bottom line is real love takes effort, and if the willingness is not there to work on marriage and to love our spouse with the love that comes natural, couples will have problems.
The good news is you can love your spouse naturally and wholly by recognizing and utilizing the foundations of God's design into your relationship and working off of that for your marriage.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Romans 12:9-13
Angie Lewis is the author of two marriage books. "Journey on the Roads Less Traveled", a book about love, life, addiction, and marriage.
"Love The Man Your Married. This book tackles areas in marriage that couples need to know and understand and apply for a successful marriage. This book is a most reliable resource for married couples, from infidelity issues to complete forgiveness.
For more information on these books visit Angie's website and sign up for the free monthly newsletter while you're there! Get yours by clicking this link :
Article Source:Check it out here:
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Can I Save My Marriage? Try to Spice Up Your Sex Life.By Lanny A Ward
Whenever they feel that their marriage has reached an all time low or is in severe danger of doing so, many martial partners will raise the question: "can I save my marriage?" The answer is both yes and no, because if the relationship is not working out (for whatever reason) and only one spouse is making all of the effort, then the relationship will not get terribly far. A marriage has to be a relationship which prizes honesty, commitment, loyalty and trust between both spouses and where both spouses are made to feel valued and appreciated. An unequal partnership is an unhealthy relationship and whilst it may function for a while in the short-term it will eventually falter and then die a death in the long term.
However that said, it maybe that one of the spouses has to take that all essential first step towards making progress and so they may want to try and initiate the new regime of change. The same problems and issues plague marriages across the world and irrespective of length, or culture and thankfully the solutions are equally universal.
If you feel that sex is the issue (whether this is due to the lack of it or the "quality" of it) then focus on this. It is important that the spouses appreciate that males and females regard sexuality in different ways and there will be different aspects of it that they will value over the others. Men for example, tend to be rather visual creatures who prefer overt and prominent displays of sexuality and femininity. Ladies, why not surprise (and treat!) your husband to some new lingerie? Bring him his dinner in it, and watch his eyes pop out of his head in a heady combination of lust, desire, surprise and delight!
Nothing excites a man quite so much than fellatio (oral sex) and again the principle of conspicuousness outlined in the above paragraph is equally applicable. Make sure you wear a very bright lipstick be it red or pink to accentuate your mouth, groan and moan whilst performing it and make sure to compliment him on his size/taste/whatever.
As pleasant as fellatio is and can be, one of the surest ways to excite your man is to make eye contact with him during it. There is nothing quite so delicious or erotic in this world than to have a female adoring your penis with a look of submission and devotion in her eyes.
However that said, it maybe that one of the spouses has to take that all essential first step towards making progress and so they may want to try and initiate the new regime of change. The same problems and issues plague marriages across the world and irrespective of length, or culture and thankfully the solutions are equally universal.
If you feel that sex is the issue (whether this is due to the lack of it or the "quality" of it) then focus on this. It is important that the spouses appreciate that males and females regard sexuality in different ways and there will be different aspects of it that they will value over the others. Men for example, tend to be rather visual creatures who prefer overt and prominent displays of sexuality and femininity. Ladies, why not surprise (and treat!) your husband to some new lingerie? Bring him his dinner in it, and watch his eyes pop out of his head in a heady combination of lust, desire, surprise and delight!
Nothing excites a man quite so much than fellatio (oral sex) and again the principle of conspicuousness outlined in the above paragraph is equally applicable. Make sure you wear a very bright lipstick be it red or pink to accentuate your mouth, groan and moan whilst performing it and make sure to compliment him on his size/taste/whatever.
As pleasant as fellatio is and can be, one of the surest ways to excite your man is to make eye contact with him during it. There is nothing quite so delicious or erotic in this world than to have a female adoring your penis with a look of submission and devotion in her eyes.
3 Easy Ways to Last Longer in Bed and Give Her Multiple EXPLOSIVE Orgasms (Very Powerful!).By Evan Kinney
Do you notice that just after 15 minutes of sex (or even less), you already reach your limit and climax? Do you even notice your partner having her own orgasm with you? And when she says it doesn't really matter if she doesn't orgasm, don't take her word for it - you could be in real trouble! You really have to work on bringing her to a climax each time you have sex. Follow these 3 simple tips to increase your stamina, and even outlast her!
#1 - Diversify your styles: Even if sex feels so amazing for you, do not stick with one position when making love to her. When you are feeling so good, change your position so you reduce your own stimulation. Try to do this naturally so it would not feel awkward and just feel like a continuation of your making love. Keep at it and do not stop so her pleasure builds even as you keep yours down.
#2 - Give yourself some Love before giving her some too! Masturbate first if you know you will be having sex with your lady today. By spending all that energy and having your penis lose some of its stored sperm, you decrease the chances of you to have a premature ejaculation. This will make sure you would be able to hold your penis up longer.
#3 - Do not let yourself be over stimulated: Limiting the sensation of your penis with a condom would ensure that you are able to have sex with your partner longer. Try those thick condoms that are on sale. If you cannot find any, wear two condoms. It will be very difficult if you're just controlling your penis to hold your climax. You cannot even tell what might happen during sex, so it is definitely better to be safe than sorry!
#1 - Diversify your styles: Even if sex feels so amazing for you, do not stick with one position when making love to her. When you are feeling so good, change your position so you reduce your own stimulation. Try to do this naturally so it would not feel awkward and just feel like a continuation of your making love. Keep at it and do not stop so her pleasure builds even as you keep yours down.
#2 - Give yourself some Love before giving her some too! Masturbate first if you know you will be having sex with your lady today. By spending all that energy and having your penis lose some of its stored sperm, you decrease the chances of you to have a premature ejaculation. This will make sure you would be able to hold your penis up longer.
#3 - Do not let yourself be over stimulated: Limiting the sensation of your penis with a condom would ensure that you are able to have sex with your partner longer. Try those thick condoms that are on sale. If you cannot find any, wear two condoms. It will be very difficult if you're just controlling your penis to hold your climax. You cannot even tell what might happen during sex, so it is definitely better to be safe than sorry!
The 7 Christian Sex Laws For Better Sex In Marriage.By Jacob Thomas
The amount of sexual, romantic, and intimate satisfaction you expect from your marriage is largely affected by your ability to constantly and consistently reinforce the reasons why you and your lover chose to wed. I promise you can enjoy giving and receiving better sex with hyper satisfaction so long as you are willing to do three things:
1. Pray with God and each other
2. Take the time to uncover and workout the 'little-meaningless-issues' in your marriage that turn into big disagreements.
3. Continue to always want/ask for an increase in the intimacy department of your marriage.
In addition to these three things though, I have a set of rules - Jacob's Sex Laws that I recommend to Christian couples who want to improve the intimacy in their marriage.
Be there.
Use your mind.
Use props.
Take your time.
Get Feedback.
Use everything.
Always care outside.
Be There
One of the biggest factors of great sexual chemistry that's overlooked is being unattached to what's going on. It doesn't matter whether you are on the giving end or receiving end of sex; it's important to stay focused and be there. Have you ever heard the saying of 'physically here, mentally somewhere else'? Some days you may have to work hard to keep from getting distracted. The bills will still get paid and Johnny will do his homework on time, so for the moment - just relax and enjoy the moment.
Use your mind
Just because you may be in the habit of physically going through the motions of sex does not mean that's the way it's supposed to be. The best kind of sex is always an emotional journey like a 747 airplane's gradual climb to the top of the clouded blue lit sky and a comfortable descent in paradise. Use your mind to think of new positions, things to say, different ways to say it, different ways to kiss, a great sex story can always add extra excitement to the night.
Use Props
You don't always have to be in the bed to have sex. The slightest change in your sex location can make a huge difference in interest, desire, and arousal. Far too often the bed is used as the main center of attraction for sex.
Take your time
One of the biggest romance and intimacy killers of all time is the refusal to actively engage in foreplay. After dinner sit at the table and talk, talk about things you don't normally talk about and ask questions that will arouse your spouse. Be flirtatious in a way that is irresistible and tease your spouse to no end. The next move to make is to kiss, fondle, and undress - but slooooooooooowwww down. Some nights it will be better to take one article of clothing off at a time (with music on in the background and your 'sexy' face) than to lay there and just wait for it.
Get Feedback
Is there anything I can do better? Is there anything I do that totally annoys you? Every now and then a sex survey is necessary for both your benefit and your spouse's. Maybe you'll find out that he likes to have the lights on so he can watch the action. Or maybe you'll find out that she likes to have her hair stroked and be hugged tightly. Most sex experts do not mention the importance of a feedback loop but it is important in your marriage considering how feelings, moods, attitudes can change over time.
Use everything
Being able to multi-task/touch is the name of the game and will work miracles you never thought were possible. I would like to say think of yourself like an octopus if I may do so, but in that light - if you can rub her feet while kissing in the missionary position you will create a huge surge of arousal by hitting those erotic zones. As a wife - if you can rub oil on his chest while straddling him and telling him your fantasies, you will drive your husband insane...to the moon and back.
Always care outside
The factor that we drive home the most and always stress is that sex does not start in the bedroom; it never has and never will - and the sooner you can grasp this concept is the sooner you ensure you will always enjoy great sex. You see, thinking about each other and being happy with each other outside of the bedroom is the key to having outrageously exciting sex. Being able to hold hands, kiss, laugh, share ideas, and secrets is what fuels the fire....sex is just the way to put it out.
Always remember and know that your marriage is extremely valuable and the intimacy you share with your spouse is another way of making it stronger
1. Pray with God and each other
2. Take the time to uncover and workout the 'little-meaningless-issues' in your marriage that turn into big disagreements.
3. Continue to always want/ask for an increase in the intimacy department of your marriage.
In addition to these three things though, I have a set of rules - Jacob's Sex Laws that I recommend to Christian couples who want to improve the intimacy in their marriage.
Be there.
Use your mind.
Use props.
Take your time.
Get Feedback.
Use everything.
Always care outside.
Be There
One of the biggest factors of great sexual chemistry that's overlooked is being unattached to what's going on. It doesn't matter whether you are on the giving end or receiving end of sex; it's important to stay focused and be there. Have you ever heard the saying of 'physically here, mentally somewhere else'? Some days you may have to work hard to keep from getting distracted. The bills will still get paid and Johnny will do his homework on time, so for the moment - just relax and enjoy the moment.
Use your mind
Just because you may be in the habit of physically going through the motions of sex does not mean that's the way it's supposed to be. The best kind of sex is always an emotional journey like a 747 airplane's gradual climb to the top of the clouded blue lit sky and a comfortable descent in paradise. Use your mind to think of new positions, things to say, different ways to say it, different ways to kiss, a great sex story can always add extra excitement to the night.
Use Props
You don't always have to be in the bed to have sex. The slightest change in your sex location can make a huge difference in interest, desire, and arousal. Far too often the bed is used as the main center of attraction for sex.
Take your time
One of the biggest romance and intimacy killers of all time is the refusal to actively engage in foreplay. After dinner sit at the table and talk, talk about things you don't normally talk about and ask questions that will arouse your spouse. Be flirtatious in a way that is irresistible and tease your spouse to no end. The next move to make is to kiss, fondle, and undress - but slooooooooooowwww down. Some nights it will be better to take one article of clothing off at a time (with music on in the background and your 'sexy' face) than to lay there and just wait for it.
Get Feedback
Is there anything I can do better? Is there anything I do that totally annoys you? Every now and then a sex survey is necessary for both your benefit and your spouse's. Maybe you'll find out that he likes to have the lights on so he can watch the action. Or maybe you'll find out that she likes to have her hair stroked and be hugged tightly. Most sex experts do not mention the importance of a feedback loop but it is important in your marriage considering how feelings, moods, attitudes can change over time.
Use everything
Being able to multi-task/touch is the name of the game and will work miracles you never thought were possible. I would like to say think of yourself like an octopus if I may do so, but in that light - if you can rub her feet while kissing in the missionary position you will create a huge surge of arousal by hitting those erotic zones. As a wife - if you can rub oil on his chest while straddling him and telling him your fantasies, you will drive your husband insane...to the moon and back.
Always care outside
The factor that we drive home the most and always stress is that sex does not start in the bedroom; it never has and never will - and the sooner you can grasp this concept is the sooner you ensure you will always enjoy great sex. You see, thinking about each other and being happy with each other outside of the bedroom is the key to having outrageously exciting sex. Being able to hold hands, kiss, laugh, share ideas, and secrets is what fuels the fire....sex is just the way to put it out.
Always remember and know that your marriage is extremely valuable and the intimacy you share with your spouse is another way of making it stronger
Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex. By Nancy Wasson
It’s really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that’s your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you.
Of course, we're writing this article “tongue in cheek” to make a point. But we can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That’s because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure.
Do these Things to Ruin Your Sex Life
So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be “turn offs” to your spouse. In italics is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), we've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning.
1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex—the same time and same place every week.
“That way, you don’t have to wonder when you’ll have sex—Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom—just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?”
(How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.)
2. Follow exactly the same “plays” and “moves” each time.
“This way you both know what to expect each time. It’s just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it’s not really necessary, is it?”
(Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex).
3. Drink a lot first so that you’re loosened up.
“If your mate doesn’t like the smell or wishes you wouldn’t drink so much before sex, it’s just too bad. You can’t let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?”
(Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.)
4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex.
“Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you’re ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?”
(Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.)
5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you’re married.
“Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn’t this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?”
(When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.)
6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says “okay.”
“If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn’t really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?”
(Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.)
7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately.
“It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can’t afford to waste time.”
(The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.)
8. Criticize your spouse’s sexual performance.
“After all, you’re only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It’s not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique.”
(You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.)
9. Criticize your spouse’s physical appearance.
“If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you’re doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It’ll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run.”
(The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.)
10. Answer your cell phone during sex.
“You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what’s the big deal? It’s not like you’ll never have sex again. You’ve been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?”
(Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.)
11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you’re satisfied.
“Don’t ask your partner if there’s anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything’s okay unless your mate says something.”
(If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.)
12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards.
“The faster you get finished, the faster you’ll be able to get to sleep. There’s no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast.”
(Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.)
Of course, we're writing this article “tongue in cheek” to make a point. But we can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That’s because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure.
Do these Things to Ruin Your Sex Life
So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be “turn offs” to your spouse. In italics is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), we've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning.
1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex—the same time and same place every week.
“That way, you don’t have to wonder when you’ll have sex—Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom—just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?”
(How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.)
2. Follow exactly the same “plays” and “moves” each time.
“This way you both know what to expect each time. It’s just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it’s not really necessary, is it?”
(Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex).
3. Drink a lot first so that you’re loosened up.
“If your mate doesn’t like the smell or wishes you wouldn’t drink so much before sex, it’s just too bad. You can’t let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?”
(Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.)
4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex.
“Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you’re ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?”
(Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.)
5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you’re married.
“Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn’t this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?”
(When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.)
6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says “okay.”
“If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn’t really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?”
(Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.)
7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately.
“It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can’t afford to waste time.”
(The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.)
8. Criticize your spouse’s sexual performance.
“After all, you’re only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It’s not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique.”
(You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.)
9. Criticize your spouse’s physical appearance.
“If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you’re doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It’ll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run.”
(The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.)
10. Answer your cell phone during sex.
“You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what’s the big deal? It’s not like you’ll never have sex again. You’ve been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?”
(Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.)
11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you’re satisfied.
“Don’t ask your partner if there’s anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything’s okay unless your mate says something.”
(If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.)
12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards.
“The faster you get finished, the faster you’ll be able to get to sleep. There’s no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast.”
(Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Hooking Up vs. Lasting Love: It’s Your Choice
hooking Up” – “friends with benefits” – “booty call”
These terms have become all too familiar in today’s dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this “dating experience” that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.
So what exactly do these terms mean?
“Hooking up” is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal “date” involved.
“Friends with benefits” usually refers to two people who are “friends” who also have sex together. Again, there’s a distinction between what they share and “dating”.
“Booty call” usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn’t follow dinner, a movie or other “quality” time together, getting to really know each other. It’s physical.
Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it’s important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.
Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:
Am I comfortable with intimacy?
Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?
Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?
How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?
Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?
Is monogamy and marriage my goal?
If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?
“It’s convenient”
“It’s easy”
“It’s safe”
“It requires no commitment on my part”
In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that “everyone does it” or “it’s expected”. Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.
Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, “if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay…”
If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness.
Read the articles: “Defining Intimacy”, “Clarifying And Living Your Values”, and “How’s Your Self-Awareness”.
If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the “What’s Your Intimacy IQ” and “Are You Relationship Ready” quizzes.
Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear
Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.
To get good books that will help you in both relationship and internet business go to www.resellrightstores.com
These terms have become all too familiar in today’s dating world. Are they words that you can relate to? Have you lived them in some way? If so, how have you felt about the experience(s) both during and after? Chances are that you have mixed feelings at best. Depending on your age and sex, you may give a somewhat different response to this question. Whatever your answer, a close look at this “dating experience” that impacts so many singles in so many ways may be useful to you as you think about what your long-term relationship goals are and what you REALLY want from a relationship.
So what exactly do these terms mean?
“Hooking up” is getting together for sex. There is generally no formal “date” involved.
“Friends with benefits” usually refers to two people who are “friends” who also have sex together. Again, there’s a distinction between what they share and “dating”.
“Booty call” usually describes the act of a man (woman) calling up another person to come over for sex. The sex doesn’t follow dinner, a movie or other “quality” time together, getting to really know each other. It’s physical.
Do you define this activity (even loosely) as dating? Has this become a new intimacy for some or many of you? If so, it’s important to look at how/if it meets your needs and if it aligns with your basic values and relationship wants and goals.
Begin by asking yourself some core questions, such as:
Am I comfortable with intimacy?
Am I comfortable with a purely physical relationship?
Am I able to be physically involved with someone while remaining emotionally detached?
How do I feel about myself when I engage in this behavior?
Am I doing this to please someone or win his or her affection?
Is monogamy and marriage my goal?
If your answers reflect discordance between how you feel and what you do; it would be helpful to understand the reasons behind your behavior. Do any of these sound familiar?
“It’s convenient”
“It’s easy”
“It’s safe”
“It requires no commitment on my part”
In addition to these explanations, some singles express a belief that “everyone does it” or “it’s expected”. Therefore, they often report engaging in it, but not feeling really ok or satisfied afterwards. Others use it as a substitute for real intimacy, referencing their difficulties in meeting and dating in general.
Then there are the people who have sex hoping it will lead to love. This too is a desire for intimacy that can lead to sadness and disappointment and the possibility of contacting a dangerous and life-altering infection. It reminds me of the line in a song, “if I can love you good enough on the outside to make you feel it on the inside, then maybe you will stay…”
If you recognize yourself in any of these statements and want to address your issue, begin with an inventory of your values and self-awareness.
Read the articles: “Defining Intimacy”, “Clarifying And Living Your Values”, and “How’s Your Self-Awareness”.
If you would find feedback that deals specifically with these issues helpful, take the “What’s Your Intimacy IQ” and “Are You Relationship Ready” quizzes.
Once you have determined what you really want from a relationship you can begin to make clear, thought out choices that will open the path that points in the direction you wish to go. Until you do so, you face the possibility of more disappointing and short-lived encounters that leave you feeling more alone and less hopeful about the possibility for lasting happy love.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach and founder. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune, The Orlando Sentinel, New York Daily News, Indianapolis Star and Newsweek newspapers and Family Circle, Woman’s Day, Cosmo Style, Tango, Men’s Health, Star (regularly quoted body language expert), and Nirvana magazines. She has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, Match.com and planetearthradio.com. Toni offers dating help and relationship advice as the weekly love and dating coach on the KTRS Radio Morning Show (St. Louis, MO) and through her syndicated column, “Dear
Dating Coach.” Her newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps over fifty-five hundred subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers.
To get good books that will help you in both relationship and internet business go to www.resellrightstores.com
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Signs a Man Doesn't Want to Be Married to You Anymore. By Leslie Cane
I often get emails from wives who suspect that their husband no longer wants to be in the relationship. Often, people ask me for "signs that a husband doesn't want to be married or in the marriage anymore." And, I often will respond with a list of danger signs to watch for, but I also typically tell women that if their intuition is telling them that something is wrong or is off, then they should always listen. Because it's better to be proactive and to take action than to be sorry later. All marriages can benefit from some attention and improvements so it's better to just act "as if" rather than being blindsided later. Getting him committed to the marriage again is harder the longer you let your problems fester. And, the more that intimacy and affection erode, the harder it is to get them back in the end. So, in the following article, I'll share the list that I often give readers who suspect that their husband wants out, hoping that you'll take immediate action if you've seen any of these or if your intuition is telling you that something just isn't right.
Your Husband May Be Telling You (Or Is At Least Hinting) That He Doesn't Want To Be Married Anymore. Are You Listening?: I often get emails from wives whose husbands have just told them that they want out or who have just filed divorce papers and they are blindsided. They didn't see this coming at all. Often, when I ask if they noticed any warning signs or any distance from the husband, they'll respond with things like "well, he only said that he wasn't happy, but I didn't expect this," or "he has told me that sometimes he wonders if we're better off apart, but I didn't expect him to act on it."
The truth is, it's very painful to think that your husband is not happy with your or the marriage. It feels so much better to hope that if we ignore it, it will go away. I know this first hand because I made this same mistake. It's always better to act on these phrases though. It can't hurt to give your marriage and your husband more of your attention. In fact, it can only help you. But, it has to be the right kind of attention given out in the right way.
And, sometimes you have to read between the lines. Because often a man will throw out general phrases ( "I guess the excitement can't help but wane after you've been together for a while,") meant to spare your feelings in the hopes that you will get enough of the hidden message ("I no longer feel close to you and am no longer enjoying being married.") to act on it. Often, the messages have been either said or implied, but either he doesn't say it forcefully or clearly enough, or we're not exactly listening as a means of self preservation.
He's Distant Either Emotionally Or Physically: Often, one of the first signs that a husband is thinking about no longer remaining married is that he either consciously or unconsciously decides to "try out" being on his own. So, he'll spend more time away from your and with his friends or he'll no longer ask you to come along with him. He's wondering if it's going to feel better to be alone than with you. And, he's slowly trying this out. Sometimes, this happens literally. He'll make excuses not to be home as much and you'll just physically see less of him.
Or, sometimes, he'll begin this process emotionally. You'll notice that he isn't listening when you speak or he doesn't really jump up to help you or offer his attention or support the way that he once did. You'll get the vibe that it's now "every man (or woman) for himself" or maybe you'll start to feel like he's thinking in terms of "I" rather than in terms of "we." It's often a shift that you feel rather than see. Maybe you can't exactly put your finger on it but it troubles you. And it can start to feel like you're living more as room mates than as a bonded, intimate married couple.
You'll likely also begin to notice that the spontaneous, intimate gestures are no longer there (the grab for your hand, the rub of your shoulders, the bringing his hands across your cheek.) Admittedly, no one expects couples married for a long time to no longer be able to keep their hands off one another, but people who are still committed and on board do these things as least some of the time.
Sometimes, you'll also see a drop off in intimacy and sex. Often, the frequency lessens as does the intensity. You feel that he's just going through the motions and isn't really into it. Sometimes, the opposite happens. You'll notice he wants to try new things or he's trying very hard to see if you can get the spark to relight.
He May Start Living His Life (And Managing His Affairs) Separately From You: Another thing that you may start to see if your husband is doubting whether he wants to remain married is he begins to get his own email, snail mail, his own credit card, and / or his own bank account and he may encourage you to do the same. (Sometimes he will try to hide this at first.) Sometimes he'll try to make logical excuses for this and sometimes he won't. Often, a man will try to ease into living his life separately before he actually tells you that he's going to cut the cord.
Or, he may stop consulting with you on important decisions. He's trying to feel out living and being on his own so he's going to run decisions that are important to him by you much less because he isn't sure if you're going to be part of his future and he questions if he needs to do this any longer. He may encourage you to become more independent so that he doesn't have to feel guilty or wonder if you can make it on your own when he decides to separate from you.
Your Husband May Be Telling You (Or Is At Least Hinting) That He Doesn't Want To Be Married Anymore. Are You Listening?: I often get emails from wives whose husbands have just told them that they want out or who have just filed divorce papers and they are blindsided. They didn't see this coming at all. Often, when I ask if they noticed any warning signs or any distance from the husband, they'll respond with things like "well, he only said that he wasn't happy, but I didn't expect this," or "he has told me that sometimes he wonders if we're better off apart, but I didn't expect him to act on it."
The truth is, it's very painful to think that your husband is not happy with your or the marriage. It feels so much better to hope that if we ignore it, it will go away. I know this first hand because I made this same mistake. It's always better to act on these phrases though. It can't hurt to give your marriage and your husband more of your attention. In fact, it can only help you. But, it has to be the right kind of attention given out in the right way.
And, sometimes you have to read between the lines. Because often a man will throw out general phrases ( "I guess the excitement can't help but wane after you've been together for a while,") meant to spare your feelings in the hopes that you will get enough of the hidden message ("I no longer feel close to you and am no longer enjoying being married.") to act on it. Often, the messages have been either said or implied, but either he doesn't say it forcefully or clearly enough, or we're not exactly listening as a means of self preservation.
He's Distant Either Emotionally Or Physically: Often, one of the first signs that a husband is thinking about no longer remaining married is that he either consciously or unconsciously decides to "try out" being on his own. So, he'll spend more time away from your and with his friends or he'll no longer ask you to come along with him. He's wondering if it's going to feel better to be alone than with you. And, he's slowly trying this out. Sometimes, this happens literally. He'll make excuses not to be home as much and you'll just physically see less of him.
Or, sometimes, he'll begin this process emotionally. You'll notice that he isn't listening when you speak or he doesn't really jump up to help you or offer his attention or support the way that he once did. You'll get the vibe that it's now "every man (or woman) for himself" or maybe you'll start to feel like he's thinking in terms of "I" rather than in terms of "we." It's often a shift that you feel rather than see. Maybe you can't exactly put your finger on it but it troubles you. And it can start to feel like you're living more as room mates than as a bonded, intimate married couple.
You'll likely also begin to notice that the spontaneous, intimate gestures are no longer there (the grab for your hand, the rub of your shoulders, the bringing his hands across your cheek.) Admittedly, no one expects couples married for a long time to no longer be able to keep their hands off one another, but people who are still committed and on board do these things as least some of the time.
Sometimes, you'll also see a drop off in intimacy and sex. Often, the frequency lessens as does the intensity. You feel that he's just going through the motions and isn't really into it. Sometimes, the opposite happens. You'll notice he wants to try new things or he's trying very hard to see if you can get the spark to relight.
He May Start Living His Life (And Managing His Affairs) Separately From You: Another thing that you may start to see if your husband is doubting whether he wants to remain married is he begins to get his own email, snail mail, his own credit card, and / or his own bank account and he may encourage you to do the same. (Sometimes he will try to hide this at first.) Sometimes he'll try to make logical excuses for this and sometimes he won't. Often, a man will try to ease into living his life separately before he actually tells you that he's going to cut the cord.
Or, he may stop consulting with you on important decisions. He's trying to feel out living and being on his own so he's going to run decisions that are important to him by you much less because he isn't sure if you're going to be part of his future and he questions if he needs to do this any longer. He may encourage you to become more independent so that he doesn't have to feel guilty or wonder if you can make it on your own when he decides to separate from you.
Marriage Is a Human Right. By Byron Edgington
During 2008, the latest year for which statistics are available, there were 2,162,000 marriages recorded in the United States. More than 6,000 of our fellow Americans tied the knot every single day! And, in spite of the reported high rate of divorce--last recorded as about 44% of first marriages after seven years--the rate of re-marriage is an astonishing 93%. This is more than great news for wedding planners and caterers. Marriage seems to have taken hold in this culture as a status that accords us a level of respect, an assumption of accountability (whether true or not), and a regard by society that means we're members in good standing of the community.
Marriage even affords us a number of benefits, rights and legal protections not found outside its esteemed position in our society. In fact the actual number of rights and benefits is knowable, and is rather high. Higher than most people realize, or they may be more solicitous of a marriage partner. Knowing this information would also likely make more people able to see the unfairness in denying those marriage rights to anyone otherwise eligible, which is one purpose of this article, and the derivation of its title. Marriage is not just a human right; it's a portal into the benefits and protections the state bestows to its adult citizens. How many rights, protections and benefits?
Go back to your wedding day. It was likely a day of great joy, when you were surrounded by family and friends, all wishing you well, smiling, sharing with you the spirit of the occasion. You walked down an aisle of some kind with your intended to the music you'd picked, surrounded by the esteem of all around you. Then, you likely faced a judge, or a cleric, and made promises to each other and the community to be faithful, true, mindful of the celebrated state into which you were entering. And the instant you said "I do", all the aforementioned rights, benefits and legal protections were yours, just for saying those two simple words.
How many rights? Not fifty. Not 100. No, there are in fact 1,138 separate, identified federal and state benefits, rights and legal protections that attach to two people who marry in this country. By extension, then, those are rights and benefits unavailable to those who for one reason or another are disqualified from entering into a marriage contract.
Here's one example of what married people enjoy. It has to do with rights under Social Security. Keep in mind that all working Americans contribute to this program through payroll tax. Regardless of how society views us, and in spite of what other status we may have in society, whether part of the mainstream or an outcast, if we're gainfully employed in this country, we're required to pay into the Social Security trust fund.
Social Security provides the sole means of support for a number of Americans. Here's where the rights and benefits of marriage enter the picture. All surviving spouses of working Americans are eligible to receive Social Security payments. Surviving spouses who care for a deceased employee's minor child are also eligible for a support payment, in addition to the regular monthly stipend. These are benefits that are denied to gay and lesbian Americans because they cannot marry. Thus, those couples who contribute to Social Security over their lifetime receive drastically unequal benefits from what their married counterparts receive. If both partners pay into the system for many years, the amount of differential can be hundreds, or even thousands of dollars every year.
So the denial of marriage isn't just a minor concern for those couples, and should not be for us. Americans have always been sensitive to unfairness in our society. Our history is littered with the remnants of long-discarded human rights denials that would seem ludicrous today. As recently as 1967--just 42 years ago--there were sixteen states in the U.S. that carried anti-miscegenation laws on their books prohibiting the marriage of blacks and whites. The case that addressed that travesty, appropriately titled Loving Vs Virginia, eliminated one such social stain. Today the concept of denying anyone marriage because of their race would be laughable. Still, we continue to deny civil marriage to gays and lesbians because of a similar condition of birth. It's as if we denied people the right to drive because they were born left handed.
Returning to the Social Security example, we see that those denied civil marriage are faced with this inequity:
Family #1: Married husband and wife, both biological parents of the child, either member would be:
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
Family #2: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was the biological parent or adoptive parent of the child (where permitted)
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
Family #3: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was not the biological parent nor able to adopt the child through second-parent adoption, surviving member
- Not Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
For those who know couples like those described above, this isn't a remote, unlikely possibility, but reality. Denial of these benefits happens every day, in spite of the fact that these individuals are required, just as their co-workers are, to pay into Social Security. Presented with this information, in addition to the remainder of the 1,138 rights and benefits afforded married couples in this country, reasonable people will conclude that this is unfair, and yet another reason that civil marriage equality is a human
Marriage even affords us a number of benefits, rights and legal protections not found outside its esteemed position in our society. In fact the actual number of rights and benefits is knowable, and is rather high. Higher than most people realize, or they may be more solicitous of a marriage partner. Knowing this information would also likely make more people able to see the unfairness in denying those marriage rights to anyone otherwise eligible, which is one purpose of this article, and the derivation of its title. Marriage is not just a human right; it's a portal into the benefits and protections the state bestows to its adult citizens. How many rights, protections and benefits?
Go back to your wedding day. It was likely a day of great joy, when you were surrounded by family and friends, all wishing you well, smiling, sharing with you the spirit of the occasion. You walked down an aisle of some kind with your intended to the music you'd picked, surrounded by the esteem of all around you. Then, you likely faced a judge, or a cleric, and made promises to each other and the community to be faithful, true, mindful of the celebrated state into which you were entering. And the instant you said "I do", all the aforementioned rights, benefits and legal protections were yours, just for saying those two simple words.
How many rights? Not fifty. Not 100. No, there are in fact 1,138 separate, identified federal and state benefits, rights and legal protections that attach to two people who marry in this country. By extension, then, those are rights and benefits unavailable to those who for one reason or another are disqualified from entering into a marriage contract.
Here's one example of what married people enjoy. It has to do with rights under Social Security. Keep in mind that all working Americans contribute to this program through payroll tax. Regardless of how society views us, and in spite of what other status we may have in society, whether part of the mainstream or an outcast, if we're gainfully employed in this country, we're required to pay into the Social Security trust fund.
Social Security provides the sole means of support for a number of Americans. Here's where the rights and benefits of marriage enter the picture. All surviving spouses of working Americans are eligible to receive Social Security payments. Surviving spouses who care for a deceased employee's minor child are also eligible for a support payment, in addition to the regular monthly stipend. These are benefits that are denied to gay and lesbian Americans because they cannot marry. Thus, those couples who contribute to Social Security over their lifetime receive drastically unequal benefits from what their married counterparts receive. If both partners pay into the system for many years, the amount of differential can be hundreds, or even thousands of dollars every year.
So the denial of marriage isn't just a minor concern for those couples, and should not be for us. Americans have always been sensitive to unfairness in our society. Our history is littered with the remnants of long-discarded human rights denials that would seem ludicrous today. As recently as 1967--just 42 years ago--there were sixteen states in the U.S. that carried anti-miscegenation laws on their books prohibiting the marriage of blacks and whites. The case that addressed that travesty, appropriately titled Loving Vs Virginia, eliminated one such social stain. Today the concept of denying anyone marriage because of their race would be laughable. Still, we continue to deny civil marriage to gays and lesbians because of a similar condition of birth. It's as if we denied people the right to drive because they were born left handed.
Returning to the Social Security example, we see that those denied civil marriage are faced with this inequity:
Family #1: Married husband and wife, both biological parents of the child, either member would be:
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
Family #2: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was the biological parent or adoptive parent of the child (where permitted)
- Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
Family #3: Same-sex couple, deceased worker was not the biological parent nor able to adopt the child through second-parent adoption, surviving member
- Not Eligible for Surviving Child Benefits
- Not Eligible for Surviving Parent Benefits
For those who know couples like those described above, this isn't a remote, unlikely possibility, but reality. Denial of these benefits happens every day, in spite of the fact that these individuals are required, just as their co-workers are, to pay into Social Security. Presented with this information, in addition to the remainder of the 1,138 rights and benefits afforded married couples in this country, reasonable people will conclude that this is unfair, and yet another reason that civil marriage equality is a human
Marriage Tips: Breathe Your Way to a Happier Marriage.By Nancy Wasson
One way to increase your chances of enjoying a happy marriage is to remember to breathe deeply. Are you surprised by this recommendation? You’re probably not the only one.
The concept of deep breathing as a valuable tool in creating a satisfying marriage may sound strange at first, but that’s because most of us don’t give much thought to the subject of breathing. And breathing isn’t usually tied in with marital happiness unless someone cracks a joke about the “heavy breathing” associated with sex.
What are the benefits of deep breathing that spouses may want to consider? Here’s a partial list:
• prevents stress from building up,
• reduces tension that is already there,
• increases energy level,
• reduces insomnia and fatigue,
• reduces general anxiety,
• helps relaxation process,
• lowers blood pressure,
• helps mental alertness, and
• helps in control of emotions.
Just think—all of these benefits from just adding some breathing awareness and exercises to your day! No, this isn’t a magic cure-all that comes with a guarantee. But it’s free, it’s easy, it can be done anywhere, it requires no special equipment, and it’s safe—so why not experiment and see for yourself?
But what’s wrong with the way you’re breathing now, you might ask. If you’re a typical adult, you probably breathe most of the time using only your chest muscles, which fills only the top part of the lungs with each breath. This doesn’t allow you to take in sufficient oxygen or to eliminate sufficient carbon dioxide. Thus, your body becomes oxygen starved, and toxins build up.
When you’re under stress or feeling anxious, your heart rate goes up as you breathe faster and take shallow breaths. In contrast, when you slow down and breathe deeply instead of taking fast, shallow breaths, your heart doesn’t have to work as hard, and you are counteracting the effects of stress, tension, and anxiety.
And with that basic understanding, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to connect the dots between deep breathing and feeling better physically and emotionally and how this could affect a marriage relationship.
If you feel better physically, are more relaxed, less stressed and tense, are sleeping better, and are less anxious and fatigued, then you’re going to be more likely to have the energy and stamina to put more effort into your marriage relationship. You’ll also be more likely to be able to control your emotions better and less likely to “snap” over something minor. And you might be a lot more fun to be around!
Remember that old adage to “Take a deep breath and count to ten” when you’re angry? That’s still good advice. When you’re irritated, agitated, or angry with your spouse, stop and take several deep breaths before you respond and make things even worse.
If you still feel that your anger is escalating, say that you need to take a short break before continuing the conversation. Then, go into another room (if there’s no other place to retreat, go into the bathroom) and do several minutes of breathing exercises.
Likewise, when you’re feeling stressed and tense, stop and do some breathing exercises before the tension builds up and spills over into your marriage relationship. By using breathing awareness and techniques to relieve tension, you’ll be able to prevent many disagreements and arguments that occur when spouses are stressed. You might even find that remembering to breathe deeply during sex increases your pleasure.
Here are some simple breathing exercises you can work into your daily life to help you relax and cope better with stress and relationship challenges:
Exercise l: To experience the difference between chest breathing and deep belly breathing, place one hand on your chest and the other hand on your tummy. You will probably notice that the hand on your chest is moving with each breath.
Your goal is to reverse this and have the hand on your tummy move instead of the hand on your chest as you inhale and exhale. If it’s hard to experience this sitting down, you may wish to lie down on the floor where it can be easier to experience belly breathing initially.
Just observe your breathing as you take deep breaths and feel your belly rise with each inhalation. Do this for several minutes until your breathing slows down and you begin to feel more relaxed.
Exercise 2: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus your attention on the two pauses that occur during the breathing process. The first is just after you inhale (right before you start to exhale) and the second is just after you exhale (right before you inhale again).
Don’t try to control your breathing; just focus on the two pauses, noticing how the breath pauses slightly each time. Just notice the two slight pauses as you breathe in and out. As you focus your attention on the two pauses, you’ll find that you are breathing more deeply and are getting more relaxed.
Take this mini-stress-relieving break twice a day and allow yourself at least five minutes of peaceful relaxation each time.
Exercise 3: Put one hand on your abdomen right below your navel. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Imagine that you are blowing up a balloon as your lower abdomen starts filling up with air.
Count slowly to 3 as you inhale. You’ll notice that your hand is rising as your abdomen fills with air.
Pause and count to 2. Then exhale slowly through your nose to a count of 3. Imagine that all of the air is leaving the balloon. Repeat this several times.
Exercise 4: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take a deep breath as you count slowly to 4. Then hold your breath for a count of 4.
Next, exhale slowly to a count of 8, making your exhalation twice as long as your inhalation. You may want to put one hand on your abdomen to be sure you are breathing deeply from your belly. Repeat several times.
The concept of deep breathing as a valuable tool in creating a satisfying marriage may sound strange at first, but that’s because most of us don’t give much thought to the subject of breathing. And breathing isn’t usually tied in with marital happiness unless someone cracks a joke about the “heavy breathing” associated with sex.
What are the benefits of deep breathing that spouses may want to consider? Here’s a partial list:
• prevents stress from building up,
• reduces tension that is already there,
• increases energy level,
• reduces insomnia and fatigue,
• reduces general anxiety,
• helps relaxation process,
• lowers blood pressure,
• helps mental alertness, and
• helps in control of emotions.
Just think—all of these benefits from just adding some breathing awareness and exercises to your day! No, this isn’t a magic cure-all that comes with a guarantee. But it’s free, it’s easy, it can be done anywhere, it requires no special equipment, and it’s safe—so why not experiment and see for yourself?
But what’s wrong with the way you’re breathing now, you might ask. If you’re a typical adult, you probably breathe most of the time using only your chest muscles, which fills only the top part of the lungs with each breath. This doesn’t allow you to take in sufficient oxygen or to eliminate sufficient carbon dioxide. Thus, your body becomes oxygen starved, and toxins build up.
When you’re under stress or feeling anxious, your heart rate goes up as you breathe faster and take shallow breaths. In contrast, when you slow down and breathe deeply instead of taking fast, shallow breaths, your heart doesn’t have to work as hard, and you are counteracting the effects of stress, tension, and anxiety.
And with that basic understanding, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to connect the dots between deep breathing and feeling better physically and emotionally and how this could affect a marriage relationship.
If you feel better physically, are more relaxed, less stressed and tense, are sleeping better, and are less anxious and fatigued, then you’re going to be more likely to have the energy and stamina to put more effort into your marriage relationship. You’ll also be more likely to be able to control your emotions better and less likely to “snap” over something minor. And you might be a lot more fun to be around!
Remember that old adage to “Take a deep breath and count to ten” when you’re angry? That’s still good advice. When you’re irritated, agitated, or angry with your spouse, stop and take several deep breaths before you respond and make things even worse.
If you still feel that your anger is escalating, say that you need to take a short break before continuing the conversation. Then, go into another room (if there’s no other place to retreat, go into the bathroom) and do several minutes of breathing exercises.
Likewise, when you’re feeling stressed and tense, stop and do some breathing exercises before the tension builds up and spills over into your marriage relationship. By using breathing awareness and techniques to relieve tension, you’ll be able to prevent many disagreements and arguments that occur when spouses are stressed. You might even find that remembering to breathe deeply during sex increases your pleasure.
Here are some simple breathing exercises you can work into your daily life to help you relax and cope better with stress and relationship challenges:
Exercise l: To experience the difference between chest breathing and deep belly breathing, place one hand on your chest and the other hand on your tummy. You will probably notice that the hand on your chest is moving with each breath.
Your goal is to reverse this and have the hand on your tummy move instead of the hand on your chest as you inhale and exhale. If it’s hard to experience this sitting down, you may wish to lie down on the floor where it can be easier to experience belly breathing initially.
Just observe your breathing as you take deep breaths and feel your belly rise with each inhalation. Do this for several minutes until your breathing slows down and you begin to feel more relaxed.
Exercise 2: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus your attention on the two pauses that occur during the breathing process. The first is just after you inhale (right before you start to exhale) and the second is just after you exhale (right before you inhale again).
Don’t try to control your breathing; just focus on the two pauses, noticing how the breath pauses slightly each time. Just notice the two slight pauses as you breathe in and out. As you focus your attention on the two pauses, you’ll find that you are breathing more deeply and are getting more relaxed.
Take this mini-stress-relieving break twice a day and allow yourself at least five minutes of peaceful relaxation each time.
Exercise 3: Put one hand on your abdomen right below your navel. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose. Imagine that you are blowing up a balloon as your lower abdomen starts filling up with air.
Count slowly to 3 as you inhale. You’ll notice that your hand is rising as your abdomen fills with air.
Pause and count to 2. Then exhale slowly through your nose to a count of 3. Imagine that all of the air is leaving the balloon. Repeat this several times.
Exercise 4: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take a deep breath as you count slowly to 4. Then hold your breath for a count of 4.
Next, exhale slowly to a count of 8, making your exhalation twice as long as your inhalation. You may want to put one hand on your abdomen to be sure you are breathing deeply from your belly. Repeat several times.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Good Marriage Advice Can Save Your Marriage! by Meredith Glee
The facts are true, good marriage advice can also be the source of your secrets to a happy marriage. By learning to adjust and make your marriage easier to cope with, you've managed to avoid a worse situation, and have learned a valuable secret.
By taking and applying some tips in the area of your marriage, you can stave off many problems, and relax many tense situations. The advice is meant to help you, but can only do so if you follow it. And there seems to be more of it available today than in any other decade.
By being a good listener, and being honest with yourself as well as your mate, you're on the road to learning some secrets to a happy marriage, and also learning how to implement good marriage advice into your own personal situation.
One of the so-called secrets (which really isn't a secret, it's just that couples many times don't do it), is to wait and discuss your problem after you've had time to calm down and your blood is no longer at a full boil.
Learning to dwell on the good things as opposed to the problems, many time problems can just dissipate and go away. But it takes an honest effort to hold on to the good, and let go of the unwanted and bad. Being armed with a few secrets to a happy marriage can come from good marriage advice from family and friends, just as easily as from a professional.
By taking and applying some tips in the area of your marriage, you can stave off many problems, and relax many tense situations. The advice is meant to help you, but can only do so if you follow it. And there seems to be more of it available today than in any other decade.
By being a good listener, and being honest with yourself as well as your mate, you're on the road to learning some secrets to a happy marriage, and also learning how to implement good marriage advice into your own personal situation.
One of the so-called secrets (which really isn't a secret, it's just that couples many times don't do it), is to wait and discuss your problem after you've had time to calm down and your blood is no longer at a full boil.
Learning to dwell on the good things as opposed to the problems, many time problems can just dissipate and go away. But it takes an honest effort to hold on to the good, and let go of the unwanted and bad. Being armed with a few secrets to a happy marriage can come from good marriage advice from family and friends, just as easily as from a professional.
Good Marriage Advice Can Save Your Marriage! by Meredith Glee
The facts are true, good marriage advice can also be the source of your secrets to a happy marriage. By learning to adjust and make your marriage easier to cope with, you've managed to avoid a worse situation, and have learned a valuable secret.
By taking and applying some tips in the area of your marriage, you can stave off many problems, and relax many tense situations. The advice is meant to help you, but can only do so if you follow it. And there seems to be more of it available today than in any other decade.
By being a good listener, and being honest with yourself as well as your mate, you're on the road to learning some secrets to a happy marriage, and also learning how to implement good marriage advice into your own personal situation.
One of the so-called secrets (which really isn't a secret, it's just that couples many times don't do it), is to wait and discuss your problem after you've had time to calm down and your blood is no longer at a full boil.
Learning to dwell on the good things as opposed to the problems, many time problems can just dissipate and go away. But it takes an honest effort to hold on to the good, and let go of the unwanted and bad. Being armed with a few secrets to a happy marriage can come from good marriage advice from family and friends, just as easily as from a professional.
By taking and applying some tips in the area of your marriage, you can stave off many problems, and relax many tense situations. The advice is meant to help you, but can only do so if you follow it. And there seems to be more of it available today than in any other decade.
By being a good listener, and being honest with yourself as well as your mate, you're on the road to learning some secrets to a happy marriage, and also learning how to implement good marriage advice into your own personal situation.
One of the so-called secrets (which really isn't a secret, it's just that couples many times don't do it), is to wait and discuss your problem after you've had time to calm down and your blood is no longer at a full boil.
Learning to dwell on the good things as opposed to the problems, many time problems can just dissipate and go away. But it takes an honest effort to hold on to the good, and let go of the unwanted and bad. Being armed with a few secrets to a happy marriage can come from good marriage advice from family and friends, just as easily as from a professional.
Stop Your Divorce - Save Your Marriage by Jake Jafims
Don't give up too soon! Sometimes it seems easier to get a divorce than to work to keep your marriage alive. This mindset is at the root of many divorces. The truth is much different. As you will read later in this article, the reality of divorce is much different then you may imagine. If you and your partner are willing to learn and work to save your marriage, there is a good chance that it can be saved.
There are some very good reasons saving your marriage as well. Many people considering a divorce imagine that happiness lies on the other side of the fence. Research however suggests that this isn't true. A survey of people who have gone through divorce showed that in general they weren't happier.
Getting a divorce may be jumping the gun. A recent study showed that 2/3 of people who were unhappy in their marriage and on the verge of divorce said that they were happy in their marriage five years later.
The majority of happily married couples have experienced extended periods of unhappiness. The key point is that it is important to be committed to your marriage. Don't throw away years of happiness in order to avoid short term problems. There are many ways to stop a divorce, there are a few tip to get you started.
1. Communication is key
I'm sure you've heard it before, but it's still true. You must communicate on a deep level with your partner regularly. "On a deep level" doesn't mean discussing who is going to pick up the kids from school or trying to remember when the oil was last changed in the car. Spend some time talking about your feelings about your relationship. Discuss the things that are important, not the trivial stuff life throws at us.
2. No Relationship Is Perfect
One of the hardest lessons I've ever learned is that when fantasy becomes reality, it's never quite as good as you imagined. When you are under a lot of stress at home, it is easy to slip into an imaginary world where everything is perfect. You imagine that being with a different partner would be perfect. Perfect relationship only exist in theory. Enjoy you fantasies but don't fall into the trap of believing that they are real.
3. Seek Help To Stop Divorce
You can stop your divorce if both of you are willing to make the effort. In addition to the desire to save your marriage, you may need some outside help. Help is available. Public libraries have lots of books on the subject of marriage advice. Many products are available online. If reading isn't your thing then you may prefer these products. Live one-on-one counseling is also available. Personal counseling can be expensive but sometimes it is the only method that works.
Remember that divorce has its repercussions as well as huge financial setbacks. But more importantly, it destroys a marriage and fully ends relationships. If there is till love in your marriage, then it's possible to stop your divorce.
There are some very good reasons saving your marriage as well. Many people considering a divorce imagine that happiness lies on the other side of the fence. Research however suggests that this isn't true. A survey of people who have gone through divorce showed that in general they weren't happier.
Getting a divorce may be jumping the gun. A recent study showed that 2/3 of people who were unhappy in their marriage and on the verge of divorce said that they were happy in their marriage five years later.
The majority of happily married couples have experienced extended periods of unhappiness. The key point is that it is important to be committed to your marriage. Don't throw away years of happiness in order to avoid short term problems. There are many ways to stop a divorce, there are a few tip to get you started.
1. Communication is key
I'm sure you've heard it before, but it's still true. You must communicate on a deep level with your partner regularly. "On a deep level" doesn't mean discussing who is going to pick up the kids from school or trying to remember when the oil was last changed in the car. Spend some time talking about your feelings about your relationship. Discuss the things that are important, not the trivial stuff life throws at us.
2. No Relationship Is Perfect
One of the hardest lessons I've ever learned is that when fantasy becomes reality, it's never quite as good as you imagined. When you are under a lot of stress at home, it is easy to slip into an imaginary world where everything is perfect. You imagine that being with a different partner would be perfect. Perfect relationship only exist in theory. Enjoy you fantasies but don't fall into the trap of believing that they are real.
3. Seek Help To Stop Divorce
You can stop your divorce if both of you are willing to make the effort. In addition to the desire to save your marriage, you may need some outside help. Help is available. Public libraries have lots of books on the subject of marriage advice. Many products are available online. If reading isn't your thing then you may prefer these products. Live one-on-one counseling is also available. Personal counseling can be expensive but sometimes it is the only method that works.
Remember that divorce has its repercussions as well as huge financial setbacks. But more importantly, it destroys a marriage and fully ends relationships. If there is till love in your marriage, then it's possible to stop your divorce.
A Happier, More Sexual Marriage; A Secret For Men by Calle Zorro
Hey guys, are you interested in a little secret that can really help your marriage be a happier, more sexual union?
I thought you might be...but first, I need to "prepare" you to receive this secret...
Men like things to be DIRECT. Men like it when there is a one-to-one correlation to what they want. If they want 'X', then they want to be able to DIRECTLY push the 'X' button and immediately have an 'X' pop out.
This is why men the world over...when it comes time for love-making...well, there isn't actually much love-making...because the guy is busy PUNCHING and GRINDING the 'X' button...or in this case, his wife's clitoris/vagina...trying to DIRECTLY start her sexual motor so that the "sexual pleasure" he wants can occur.
I'm still preparing you to receive the secret...
Mostly, women are NOT direct like men are. In general, women do NOT want to push the 'X' button and have an 'X' pop out. Instead, they want to push the 'X' button which will then open the door so that they can push the 'Y' button which then paves the way so they can push the 'Z' button...which then loops them around so they can start on the 'A' button...and EVENTUALLY get back to the original 'X' button and this time FINALLY, have an 'X' pop out.
Going back to the love-making scenario...guys are driving STRAIGHT for the orgasm...their woman wishes just for ONCE that they could take the "scenic tour"...but the guy's driving...and he usually gets straight to what he wants...and his woman is left unsatisfied...dreaming...wishing...for a man who was a real lover...
Which raises the question, "What kind of lover are you?"
Ok, I think you're finally ready to receive the secret...
The reason we went through this whole direct and indirect thing is because this secret is INDIRECT...but if applied, it WILL lead to a happier, more sexual marriage...
Here it is...
LET YOUR WOMAN DO THINGS HER WAY AND TRAIN YOUR WOMAN TO LET YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.
Now, at first, that might seem rather obvious and not all that much of a secret so let's explore the idea...
If he doesn't watch out, a Type-A man (driving, competitive, fast-paced, active, impatient, serious) who is married to a Type-B (laid-back, relaxed, slow-paced, easy-going, patient, non-competitive, fun-oriented) woman will be constantly driving his woman to do what he wants RIGHT NOW. He'll constantly be trying to place her in competitive situations. Because of how he is, he'll be constantly trying to "make" her be like him, do things like him, and do things the way he would do them. And of course, because of how she is, the woman is trying to get the man to do things HER way.
Similarly, if a extroverted woman is married to an introverted man, she'll be constantly trying to get her husband to be more outgoing...she'll be pushing him to relax and open up and have fun in the midst of a big crowd...to socialize like she does...and the whole time, he's getting more nervous, upset, and frustrated by the second...which is why he always puts up the blocks and resistances to going out and intermingling in the first place.
There are other contrasts I could make but you get the point...and you can plainly see that the result is constant conflict...the result is a not very happy and definitely not very sexual marriage.
But, when a man and woman DECIDE to LET their companion be themselves and do things in their own way and respect and appreciate their companion for who and what they are THEN a person INDIRECTLY paves the way for a far happier, way more sexual marriage relationship.
Do you now see how this really is an important secret to a happier, more sexual marriage relationship? I'll repeat it one more time...
"Let your woman do things her way and train your woman to let you do things your way. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise."
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
I thought you might be...but first, I need to "prepare" you to receive this secret...
Men like things to be DIRECT. Men like it when there is a one-to-one correlation to what they want. If they want 'X', then they want to be able to DIRECTLY push the 'X' button and immediately have an 'X' pop out.
This is why men the world over...when it comes time for love-making...well, there isn't actually much love-making...because the guy is busy PUNCHING and GRINDING the 'X' button...or in this case, his wife's clitoris/vagina...trying to DIRECTLY start her sexual motor so that the "sexual pleasure" he wants can occur.
I'm still preparing you to receive the secret...
Mostly, women are NOT direct like men are. In general, women do NOT want to push the 'X' button and have an 'X' pop out. Instead, they want to push the 'X' button which will then open the door so that they can push the 'Y' button which then paves the way so they can push the 'Z' button...which then loops them around so they can start on the 'A' button...and EVENTUALLY get back to the original 'X' button and this time FINALLY, have an 'X' pop out.
Going back to the love-making scenario...guys are driving STRAIGHT for the orgasm...their woman wishes just for ONCE that they could take the "scenic tour"...but the guy's driving...and he usually gets straight to what he wants...and his woman is left unsatisfied...dreaming...wishing...for a man who was a real lover...
Which raises the question, "What kind of lover are you?"
Ok, I think you're finally ready to receive the secret...
The reason we went through this whole direct and indirect thing is because this secret is INDIRECT...but if applied, it WILL lead to a happier, more sexual marriage...
Here it is...
LET YOUR WOMAN DO THINGS HER WAY AND TRAIN YOUR WOMAN TO LET YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.
Now, at first, that might seem rather obvious and not all that much of a secret so let's explore the idea...
If he doesn't watch out, a Type-A man (driving, competitive, fast-paced, active, impatient, serious) who is married to a Type-B (laid-back, relaxed, slow-paced, easy-going, patient, non-competitive, fun-oriented) woman will be constantly driving his woman to do what he wants RIGHT NOW. He'll constantly be trying to place her in competitive situations. Because of how he is, he'll be constantly trying to "make" her be like him, do things like him, and do things the way he would do them. And of course, because of how she is, the woman is trying to get the man to do things HER way.
Similarly, if a extroverted woman is married to an introverted man, she'll be constantly trying to get her husband to be more outgoing...she'll be pushing him to relax and open up and have fun in the midst of a big crowd...to socialize like she does...and the whole time, he's getting more nervous, upset, and frustrated by the second...which is why he always puts up the blocks and resistances to going out and intermingling in the first place.
There are other contrasts I could make but you get the point...and you can plainly see that the result is constant conflict...the result is a not very happy and definitely not very sexual marriage.
But, when a man and woman DECIDE to LET their companion be themselves and do things in their own way and respect and appreciate their companion for who and what they are THEN a person INDIRECTLY paves the way for a far happier, way more sexual marriage relationship.
Do you now see how this really is an important secret to a happier, more sexual marriage relationship? I'll repeat it one more time...
"Let your woman do things her way and train your woman to let you do things your way. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise."
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
A Happier, More Sexual Marriage; A Secret For Men by Calle Zorro
Hey guys, are you interested in a little secret that can really help your marriage be a happier, more sexual union?
I thought you might be...but first, I need to "prepare" you to receive this secret...
Men like things to be DIRECT. Men like it when there is a one-to-one correlation to what they want. If they want 'X', then they want to be able to DIRECTLY push the 'X' button and immediately have an 'X' pop out.
This is why men the world over...when it comes time for love-making...well, there isn't actually much love-making...because the guy is busy PUNCHING and GRINDING the 'X' button...or in this case, his wife's clitoris/vagina...trying to DIRECTLY start her sexual motor so that the "sexual pleasure" he wants can occur.
I'm still preparing you to receive the secret...
Mostly, women are NOT direct like men are. In general, women do NOT want to push the 'X' button and have an 'X' pop out. Instead, they want to push the 'X' button which will then open the door so that they can push the 'Y' button which then paves the way so they can push the 'Z' button...which then loops them around so they can start on the 'A' button...and EVENTUALLY get back to the original 'X' button and this time FINALLY, have an 'X' pop out.
Going back to the love-making scenario...guys are driving STRAIGHT for the orgasm...their woman wishes just for ONCE that they could take the "scenic tour"...but the guy's driving...and he usually gets straight to what he wants...and his woman is left unsatisfied...dreaming...wishing...for a man who was a real lover...
Which raises the question, "What kind of lover are you?"
Ok, I think you're finally ready to receive the secret...
The reason we went through this whole direct and indirect thing is because this secret is INDIRECT...but if applied, it WILL lead to a happier, more sexual marriage...
Here it is...
LET YOUR WOMAN DO THINGS HER WAY AND TRAIN YOUR WOMAN TO LET YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.
Now, at first, that might seem rather obvious and not all that much of a secret so let's explore the idea...
If he doesn't watch out, a Type-A man (driving, competitive, fast-paced, active, impatient, serious) who is married to a Type-B (laid-back, relaxed, slow-paced, easy-going, patient, non-competitive, fun-oriented) woman will be constantly driving his woman to do what he wants RIGHT NOW. He'll constantly be trying to place her in competitive situations. Because of how he is, he'll be constantly trying to "make" her be like him, do things like him, and do things the way he would do them. And of course, because of how she is, the woman is trying to get the man to do things HER way.
Similarly, if a extroverted woman is married to an introverted man, she'll be constantly trying to get her husband to be more outgoing...she'll be pushing him to relax and open up and have fun in the midst of a big crowd...to socialize like she does...and the whole time, he's getting more nervous, upset, and frustrated by the second...which is why he always puts up the blocks and resistances to going out and intermingling in the first place.
There are other contrasts I could make but you get the point...and you can plainly see that the result is constant conflict...the result is a not very happy and definitely not very sexual marriage.
But, when a man and woman DECIDE to LET their companion be themselves and do things in their own way and respect and appreciate their companion for who and what they are THEN a person INDIRECTLY paves the way for a far happier, way more sexual marriage relationship.
Do you now see how this really is an important secret to a happier, more sexual marriage relationship? I'll repeat it one more time...
"Let your woman do things her way and train your woman to let you do things your way. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise."
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
I thought you might be...but first, I need to "prepare" you to receive this secret...
Men like things to be DIRECT. Men like it when there is a one-to-one correlation to what they want. If they want 'X', then they want to be able to DIRECTLY push the 'X' button and immediately have an 'X' pop out.
This is why men the world over...when it comes time for love-making...well, there isn't actually much love-making...because the guy is busy PUNCHING and GRINDING the 'X' button...or in this case, his wife's clitoris/vagina...trying to DIRECTLY start her sexual motor so that the "sexual pleasure" he wants can occur.
I'm still preparing you to receive the secret...
Mostly, women are NOT direct like men are. In general, women do NOT want to push the 'X' button and have an 'X' pop out. Instead, they want to push the 'X' button which will then open the door so that they can push the 'Y' button which then paves the way so they can push the 'Z' button...which then loops them around so they can start on the 'A' button...and EVENTUALLY get back to the original 'X' button and this time FINALLY, have an 'X' pop out.
Going back to the love-making scenario...guys are driving STRAIGHT for the orgasm...their woman wishes just for ONCE that they could take the "scenic tour"...but the guy's driving...and he usually gets straight to what he wants...and his woman is left unsatisfied...dreaming...wishing...for a man who was a real lover...
Which raises the question, "What kind of lover are you?"
Ok, I think you're finally ready to receive the secret...
The reason we went through this whole direct and indirect thing is because this secret is INDIRECT...but if applied, it WILL lead to a happier, more sexual marriage...
Here it is...
LET YOUR WOMAN DO THINGS HER WAY AND TRAIN YOUR WOMAN TO LET YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise.
Now, at first, that might seem rather obvious and not all that much of a secret so let's explore the idea...
If he doesn't watch out, a Type-A man (driving, competitive, fast-paced, active, impatient, serious) who is married to a Type-B (laid-back, relaxed, slow-paced, easy-going, patient, non-competitive, fun-oriented) woman will be constantly driving his woman to do what he wants RIGHT NOW. He'll constantly be trying to place her in competitive situations. Because of how he is, he'll be constantly trying to "make" her be like him, do things like him, and do things the way he would do them. And of course, because of how she is, the woman is trying to get the man to do things HER way.
Similarly, if a extroverted woman is married to an introverted man, she'll be constantly trying to get her husband to be more outgoing...she'll be pushing him to relax and open up and have fun in the midst of a big crowd...to socialize like she does...and the whole time, he's getting more nervous, upset, and frustrated by the second...which is why he always puts up the blocks and resistances to going out and intermingling in the first place.
There are other contrasts I could make but you get the point...and you can plainly see that the result is constant conflict...the result is a not very happy and definitely not very sexual marriage.
But, when a man and woman DECIDE to LET their companion be themselves and do things in their own way and respect and appreciate their companion for who and what they are THEN a person INDIRECTLY paves the way for a far happier, way more sexual marriage relationship.
Do you now see how this really is an important secret to a happier, more sexual marriage relationship? I'll repeat it one more time...
"Let your woman do things her way and train your woman to let you do things your way. And, where there's overlap, work out and negotiate a mutually acceptable compromise."
Copyright 2009, Article by Calle Zorro. Permission is granted to reprint this article ONLY if authorship credit is given to Calle Zorro and a link to MoreSexForMen.com is included with it:
What's at the Root of Your Marriage Problems? by Jake Jafims
All relationships run into problems from time to time. You could fill an entire book if you tried to list every possible problem. As soon as you finished someone would come up with more problems to add.
There are as many relationship problems as there are relationships. We're all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It will come as no surprise then, that there isn't one root cause for all marriage problems.
Since you're unique, any problems you are experiencing may have a unique root cause or causes. It can be difficult to discover the root causes but it is possible with determination and teamwork. The first step is to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation.
The goal of this first conversation is to bring up your concerns and to narrow down the possible areas that may be at the root of your relationship problems. Surprisingly, it is not uncommon for one partner to be completely unaware that the other partner feels that there is a problem.
Most marriage counselors agree that the three biggest root causes of marital problems are money, sex and children. If you and your spouse can come to an understanding on these three issues then you've gone a long way toward a successful marriage.
Any of the "big 3" issues can destroy a marriage if the two of you can't come reach an agreement on them. Lets assume that you and your spouse have resolved any issues surrounding the three most common problem areas. We now need to look at a couple of the less common root causes.
Trust, or more specifically, the lack of trust is often a problem. This issue is more common in newer marriages. But suspicions can work their way into any marriage. It is time to sit down and have a talk about trust if you feel that your partner isn't being completely honest. Be prepared to discuss specific events that have made you question your trust.
Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, and consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.
Compatibility may be at the root of your relationship problems. Compatibility issues don't usually show up for years. As life marches on, we all change. Early in your relationship you may have had many common interests. Perhaps you were both into dancing, skiing or NASCAR. Now you find that your interests have drifted apart.
There are many more possible root causes for marital problems. Finding the root cause is a very important step in the process. But it is only the first step. Once you have found the root problem it is time to begin working on the solution.
There are many avenues open to you in your quest to repair your marriage. Marriage counseling is a good choice if you and your spouse can't find the root cause. There is also a lot of great marriage advice available in book and in online products.
There are as many relationship problems as there are relationships. We're all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It will come as no surprise then, that there isn't one root cause for all marriage problems.
Since you're unique, any problems you are experiencing may have a unique root cause or causes. It can be difficult to discover the root causes but it is possible with determination and teamwork. The first step is to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation.
The goal of this first conversation is to bring up your concerns and to narrow down the possible areas that may be at the root of your relationship problems. Surprisingly, it is not uncommon for one partner to be completely unaware that the other partner feels that there is a problem.
Most marriage counselors agree that the three biggest root causes of marital problems are money, sex and children. If you and your spouse can come to an understanding on these three issues then you've gone a long way toward a successful marriage.
Any of the "big 3" issues can destroy a marriage if the two of you can't come reach an agreement on them. Lets assume that you and your spouse have resolved any issues surrounding the three most common problem areas. We now need to look at a couple of the less common root causes.
Trust, or more specifically, the lack of trust is often a problem. This issue is more common in newer marriages. But suspicions can work their way into any marriage. It is time to sit down and have a talk about trust if you feel that your partner isn't being completely honest. Be prepared to discuss specific events that have made you question your trust.
Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, and consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.
Compatibility may be at the root of your relationship problems. Compatibility issues don't usually show up for years. As life marches on, we all change. Early in your relationship you may have had many common interests. Perhaps you were both into dancing, skiing or NASCAR. Now you find that your interests have drifted apart.
There are many more possible root causes for marital problems. Finding the root cause is a very important step in the process. But it is only the first step. Once you have found the root problem it is time to begin working on the solution.
There are many avenues open to you in your quest to repair your marriage. Marriage counseling is a good choice if you and your spouse can't find the root cause. There is also a lot of great marriage advice available in book and in online products.
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