Friday, October 16, 2009

Should I Discuss Finances Before Marriage?

So you plan on getting married soon, and there’s just something that you’ve had on your mind, but you just don’t know what you should do or how you should say it. That would be the questions you have concerning your future spouse’s finances. You really need to know something about the finances before you say I do! You really don’t know how your future spouse has paid their bills and you just need to know now before it becomes a problem later on.

Well, as the old saying goes you can't live on love, you need money to survive! Finance questions before marriage will help you and your future partner understand where you both are financially before marriage.

If your future spouse is not able to contribute financially, you will know this before you say your vows. That is why finance questions before marriage is so important!

How do I find out about my future spouse's finances? You can find out by asking your future spouse, some or all of the following questions:

How much money do you earn? Can I see a copy of your credit report and score? Do you pay your bills on time? What is the balance on your outstanding bills? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy and do you have any judgements against you?

Do you pay child support? Do you have a savings account,insurance,investments and a retirement plan? Once we get married, will we both be able to spend freely? If we purchase a home will we own the home jointly?

Discussing your finances before marriage is important for future spouses who are planning to get married. It is a difficult subject for couples to discuss, however, it is crucial in maintaining a good relationship.

It may be beneficial to you and your future spouse to discuss your finances before saying your vows. It's a good idea that you both are on the same page about how your finances are before the marriage and what your future goals will be for your finances. This may assist you both in getting past one of your most important hurdles for a marriage!

Discussing your finances prior to marriage, should assist you and your future spouse on keeping your marriage on track and in a positive direction for your future goals.

Finance is one of the most critical key components of a marriage. In many instances, marriages have dissolved due to the fact that couples have not discussed their finances prior to the marriage taking place. So make sure you find out about your future spouses finances before you get married, so this may not become a problem for you!

Nocita Carter creates websites with tips on various subjects including personal finance tips for you http://www.personal-finance-tips-for-you.com

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Bringing Debts into a Marriage

Are you a credit card junkie? Credit card debt can often be a big, deep, dark secret for someone preparing for marriage. It’s an uncomfortable subject to talk about. Do you bring it up before or after he slips the engagement ring on your finger (or before you slip it onto hers)? Or do you wait until after all the marriage preparations are in place?

If there are large differences in your assets and liabilities, it may not be such a hot idea to get a joint bank account. Furthermore, you may want to sign a prenuptial agreement just to be clear about what came before your marriage, and what came after.

How you plan your wedding budget will largely determine how you approach money management as a married couple, in the long term. Wedding costs, by themselves can run up quite a tab. If you are noticing conflicts in the early stages of your joint money management, then get some financial marriage advice or premarital counseling.

Couple counseling can be just as much a part of a healthy marriage as family or financial planning is. It’s a way of ensuring solid communication skills from the get go; and that’s important when debts and assets are about to be split right down the middle.

Nathan Dawson writes for http://www.marriedfinances.com and http://www.successfulmarriageresource.com, great online sources for marriage and finance information.

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Money and Marriage 101

Q. Is a prenuptial agreement necessary?

A. Legally speaking, marriage splits your combined assets and liabilities right down the middle. Everything gets shared. Therefore, a prenuptial agreement is sometimes very necessary, particularly when a married man or woman has assets or liabilities that will greatly exceed that of his or her spouse. To make a decision that is right for the both of you, consult with a financial planner who is familiar with the marriage laws in your state.

Q. What about opening a joint bank account?

A. Since all your money will in essence be merged together, opening a joint bank account can make paying bills much simpler. This is particularly true of bills for things that you own and share as a married couple, such as a house or insurance. However, it is also a good idea to budget some spending money to put into your own personal accounts.

Q. What is the average wedding cost?

A. Marriage preparation can be really hectic and stressful, depending on how fancy you want to get. Add the stress of trying to stick to a wedding budget, and you could be in for a rocky beginning. The average wedding cost is more than $15,000. This may be comfortable for you, or maybe not. Set a realistic budget taking into account your debts and your income.

Q. My spouse is a spender and I’m a saver. Will we ever agree?

A. A good marriage is about finding balance; but most of all, it is about survival. That means being less selfish, being willing to negotiate and to compromise. If you find yourself at odds about your spending habits, get premarital counseling. Couple counseling can open the lines of communication. In the long-run, good communication is the key to successful financial and family planning.

Nathan Dawson writes for http://www.marriedfinances.com and http://www.successfulmarriageresource.com, great online sources for marriage and finance information.

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Want to Be a Perfect Bride?

Marrying? Are your parents looking for a perfect groom? Well, it's time you seriously think about how to present yourself as a perfect bride. Everyone's Expectations might be high and you need to really prepare yourself for the higher responsibilities and expectations that you need to face as a bride and also as a wife of someone.

Weddings are finalized in the heaven we believe, but in reality what makes a marriage happen is social status, the power of money, a good job and dowry etc. And this excludes the love marriages which are finalized by the couple themselves irrespective of these factors. The arranged marriage set up thus revolves around a whole set of predefined ideas and our morals.

A normal middle class family will want their daughter in law to cook, help with the domestic choirs and also work if she is educated. The needs and preferences of one vary but still the bride needs to be more of a homemaker than a company executive. Whatever high post she might hold in her company is of no use when she reaches home. She has to personally fend for her family and look after their welfare. This is how Indian family system works so far.

So a bride should horn her cooking skills to impress her spouse and her family. This creates a lasting impression on their minds. As the famous saying goes, "the way to a man's heart is through his tummy", you can easily make your man hopelessly dependant on you for your mouth sizzling and exotic dishes that you might cook for him.

Bride must also develop her personality apart from cooking and other house works. Not just physical personality, but also her mannerisms and attitude as well. She must be knowledgeable about family traditions and customs and must know how to respect the elders visiting the family. She must learn how to keep her things in order, manage the finance and keep her surroundings neat and clean.

Working women must be ready to manage their times between their work and home. It is an added responsibility no doubt, and one must be matured enough to handle difficult conditions for the sake of making this great Indian institution called marriage. After all it is all about human understanding and sacrifice. When you respect the system and work to keep it functioning then nothing can deter your confidence.

Simran Jain writes on behalf of matrimonyhouse.com, India's fastest growing matrimonial website. http://matrimonyhouse.com enables users to create and search Indian matrimony profile on the website. Registering, Searching, and Contacting prospective groom and bride are absolutely free.

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What Guys Think About Marriage

It might come as a complete shock to learn that guys don't think much about marriage when they meet a woman. A man is generally thinking about ways to keep his freedom not lose it. Generally it is because of the way men are wired to think not necessarily because he's being selfish.

Women learn at a very early age to lose their freedom. We learn to say, "Yes" instead of "No" We learn to go with the flow and not rock the boat.

But this is exactly the kind of attitude that cause women to FAIL in their relationships. Women are failing because they find it hard to say "No."

Women often feel guilty and give in. It is very rare to find a woman who does not want to lose her freedom. I actually believe we are at a biological disadvantage when it comes to relationships but I'm not alluding to this by playing the victim.

The reason I believe this, we are wired to be nurturers. Nurturers invest more. They give from pain. It's the way evolution designed it for human survival. So a woman has to constantly fight against the natural tendency to overcompensate because she needs security.

The struggle with men and commitment will be an ongoing one to women who don't understand how to make their nature work to their advantage. The woman who give in because she loves even when a man isn't giving is always going to lose.

Men marry women who insist on marriage and who are willing to move on if a man does not share the same desire. To bring a man to marriage, he must feel that the woman can control her feminine desire to lock him down so that commitment becomes his idea, not hers.

If you cannot control your feminine desire to want security, men see this trait as a disadvantage and instead of becoming an assest, you become a liability.

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How to Make Sure That Your Marriage Doesn't End in Divorce

The sheer number of couples that are getting a divorce are on the rise. Many of these people who choose divorce as a means to solve their problems just don't have the right approach when it comes to taking care of their marriage and doing what absolutely needs to be done in order to have a relationship that is healthy and works for both people involved.

The first and perhaps most basic step in getting your marriage back on track is to discuss what issues there are between the two of you and get them out on the table. Many times in a marriage, over the years problems can become swept underneath the rug and not get discussed, which leads to bitterness and resentment that can tear a marriage apart.

This is why it is so important to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and ideas to each other on a regular basis. If you find that you both lead hectic lives with hardly any time to do this, then you have to start buckling down and making time. It can be first thing in the morning, in the middle of the day, or at night before bed. You just need to devote yourselves to coming up with a plan to talk regularly about what problems you have and possible solutions.

When you are having these discussions, it is extremely important to not get carried away and start fighting. There is a very distinct line between discussing something and arguing about something. You start to argue when yelling, screaming, and pointing fingers comes up. You want to avoid all of this because it is poisonous to any relationship and will only serve to further your problems and set you behind in your goals. Make sure that you are always communicating and doing so well, meaning being good listeners and conveying all of your thoughts and feelings in a clear and concise way.

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5 Actionable Tips to Save a Distressed Marriage

There is a ton of the device out there on how to save a marriage that is in difficulty. A lot of it can be vague philosophy and not too practical. I'm the type of person who thinks simple is better. I love little numbered lists or bullet points, so without further preamble here are five actionable tips that you can use that may smooth out some rough spots in your marriage relationship.


1. Work on yourself first.

I'll bet you did not like me starting off with that one. Did you think we were going to fix the other person? The only thing you can really control in the relationship is yourself, in the present moment. So start off by looking at what needs to be improved in you. The object here is to bring a better used to the relationship. If you clean up your side of the street, chances are the reactions of your partner will be positive and they will meet you halfway. It might be a good idea to chill out for a little while. Instead of turning up the pressure toward problem resolution, withdraw, and get a little introspective into your own attitudes and contributions to the relationship, both positive and negative.

2. Practice a timeout.

I know you're not a child, and you do not have to go to your room and sulk. But it might be a good idea to take a little time for yourself away from the relationship. If things had been heating up lately it may be a good idea to cool off for a while. Approach problems with less emotion and more rational thought. I know that is easier said than done but sometimes emotions can cloud the facts. One great exercise start focusing on the positive, remember what it was like to be in love with your spouse you must have seen something positive then. I bet if you look you will see those same qualities now, perhaps just in a different light.

3. Spend more time with each other.

If the cooling off period does not seem appropriate, or you have done that already, try investing a little time in the relationship. Put the work on hold and all the distractions in your life aside for a while and concentrate on that love of your life. A thoughtful gift kind comment and really seen your partner as a person whom you love can shed a whole new light on things. It is so easy in a hostile bustle of modern day living to start taking your partner for granted. This is a death knell on relationships. This may sound a little strange but if your life is very busy actually schedule time to be with your partner and make it a priority to follow through on. Being taken for granted is often the catalyst that starts an avalanche of marital problems.


4. Solve problems.

One of the worst problem solving skills of all time get one of the most common is to simply take a problem and ignore it and hope it goes away. That has never worked and I don't think it ever will. If problems and emotions are suppressed or repress they just gather pressure and or erupt sooner or later like a volcano.

Brainstorm problems together rather than making unilateral decisions. There is an almost lost art of communicating it goes something like this: I talk, you listen. You talk, I listen. We exchange feedback and compromise. Sounds simple doesn't it?

5. Use patience

There truly are no quick fixes on saving a marriage or relationship. Usually problems have arisen slowly and over time by emotional, behavioral, and attitude shifts. It will take conscious effort to bring things back into line. The important part is to make some progress forward and not worry so much about the speed with which changes are occurring. Sometimes small efforts can effect the changes when applied consistently over time.

We hope you have found these quick tips actionable and helpful enough to get your relationship back on track. Remember, the thought is just a thought, an emotion is just an emotion, nothing really happens until you take action.

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Monday, October 5, 2009

When a Husband Ignores You - Use This Simple Method to Get Him to Spend More Time With You

Understanding how your husband is hard wired is very important for the health of your marriage. When your husband ignores you, it is probably not because of the 5 pounds you put on since you were married 5 years ago. You need to understand that most men are not able to multitask like women, so if he is ignoring you, he is more than likely concentrating a larger project.

Right now, the project that your husband is working on is his world. Most men don't dabble in their projects, once it is set in their mind that they are going to do something, they really have at it. All of their efforts are put into completing their project or becoming the best at something; what you need to do is teach your husband to set boundaries between their projects and your marriage.

How are you going to do this? You're not going to nag and demand that he spend time with you because you're sick of your husband ignoring you. You're going to spend some time with him working on his latest project or quest to be the best. In other words you're going to do some "male bonding".

Spending time bonding with your husband in his quest to become the best will allow him to see you as a friend and not an enemy. You will no longer be the obstacle getting in the way of his success and he will be more willing to spend time with you the next time you want to go shopping or scrapbook your latest family vacation.

Bonding with your man will allow the two of you to spend some quality time together like you used to and it's possible that you may find a hobby from the time you are spending with your husband.

Learning how men and women bond differently can make a huge difference when a husband ignores you. For 7 more free tips to get you on the road to a better marriage, visit marriagemap.info.

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Is Separation Good For Marriage? The Surprising Answer You Need to Know

Is separation good for marriage? The answer to that question may surprise you. If you and your spouse are going through a rough patch at the moment, separation may be a word that is being bandied about between the two of you. If your spouse has brought it up, you may feel a bit overwhelmed by the idea. Being fearful of a separation is normal since most people mistakenly believe that once a separation occurs, the marriage can no longer be saved. That's actually not the case at all. In fact, you may find that you have a stronger, more stable and satisfying relationship if you and your spouse take some time apart from each other.

When you're considering the question is separation good for marriage you have to focus on the positive benefits that some time apart offers to you and your partner. When there is conflict in the marriage and you have no time or opportunity to get away from your spouse to think clearly, it can actually make the situation much worse. When a couple is struggling with an issue and they are constantly in contact with one another, they are bound to do and say things that are going to be hurtful to one another. This may take the form of prolonged arguing or perhaps unending silence. Some time apart, like a separation offers, allows both parties to cool down and think things through logically and calmly.

Another benefit that a separation affords is the opportunity to miss one another. Even if a couple feels as though they can't live together because they argue so much of the time, they often find that they just can't live without each other. This is something that your spouse may come to realize after just a few days of being apart from you. If you cry, plead or beg with them to stay, it may actually harm the relationship more than if you let them leave. As soon as they are no longer with you, they'll likely start to really miss you. That can actually be the catalyst that helps you two realize how much you mean to one another.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. You can save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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10 Ways to Put Romance in Your Marriage Everyday

A marriage is a wonderful relationship that allows you to explore yourself and another person. You will find that marriage can be easy, difficult, rewarding, frustrating, and everything in between all at the same time. One of the biggest complaints from people who have been married for some time is that the romance is gone. The following is a look at ten ways to put romance in your marriage everyday:

1. Kiss goodbye each time you leave. Too many married couples part for the day without a physical embrace of any kind. Try a kiss goodbye before you head out for your respective days away from each other. On occasion make it a steamy one. However, even a peck will help keep some of the romance in your marriage.

2. Say "I love you" each time you talk and end the conversation. This can be before you go to bed for the night, or it can be when you get off a phone conversation. Do not neglect to tell one another you love each other, you might regret it if you don't.

3. Have a few moments of alone time. One reason romance leaves a marriage is that with work, responsibilities, and children, often it is difficult to find the time for it. Make spending at least half an hour together, uninterrupted each day, a big priority.

4. Play together. Romance does not always have to come from gestures like flowers and candle lit dinners. Another great way to inspire romance is by playing with one another. This can be games, physical play, etc. It can be as simple as having a mini-water fight in the kitchen while you clean up the dinner dishes, or a tickle torture while you get ready for bed. Do not forget to have fun with one another.

5. Laugh together. Laughter inspires good feelings, contentment, and joy, all of which are necessary to have romance in a relationship. So, whether you laugh at or with each other, from a Laffy Taffy joke, or a funny television show, make sure there is laughter in your life each day.

6. Pinch butts. It may sound silly, but part of romance is feeling physically attracted to one another. When you make an effort to let your spouse know you are still physically attracted to them, whether by pinching their bum, or some other means, it can spark romantic feelings.

7. Touch is a critical element to romance. Hold hands while you drive, walk, etc. Hug one another, and make it a point to daily have some form of contact physically so that you never "lose touch" with your spouse.

8. Meals together is a great way to inspire romance. You do not have to have candle lit or intimate dinners, but you do have to have time together each day to talk, and to get to know one another more intimately (thoughts, dreams, goals, etc. as well as physically), and what better way than through eating meals with one another?

9. Service. Serving each other and doing thoughtful little things for one another is a great way to inspire romance in your marriage. This is especially helpful if you aren't feeling very romantically inclined.

10. Inside jokes, looks, etc. The more you share that is intimate and personal, the easier it is to have a romantic or intimate connection. So, wink at each other, share intimate secrets, and make efforts to improve your intimate bond.

Signs Your Husband Wants a Divorce - Tips For Women in a Failing Marriage

Trying to read your husband's mind is virtually impossible. As women, we tend to be more open about what we're feeling. That makes it even more frustrating when you ask your husband how he feels about the relationship and he doesn't offer anything. Nagging him to talk about it will only result in him becoming more and more distant so it's not an option. If you're worried that your marriage is barrelling towards a breakdown, there are some signs your husband wants a divorce that will give you insight into where he's at emotionally.

One of the obvious signs your husband wants a divorce is his attitude towards you. If he seems less engaged with not only you but the family as well, that's not good. When a man is considering leaving his marriage he'll typically opt out of family activities and even vacations. If he retreats to a chair in front of the television when he gets home from work or if he is constantly more engrossed in his own hobbies than participating in the family, he's got one foot out the door already.

Another of the signs your husband wants a divorce is his refusal to talk about the problems you two are experiencing. Many men, when they are falling out of love with their wife, will tell her that nothing is wrong or they will blame their attitude on stress. If fixing the issues between you two isn't a priority to him, that's not good at all. He's allowing his feelings and the marriage to die, and unless you step in and change things, divorce will most certainly be a part of your future.

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married.

You don't have to worry about whether your husband is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make him fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Tips For Improving a Sexless Marriage

One third of married couples suffer from worries in their sexual life. Large numbers of couples report that they have sex once a month or less! A few years after marriage, sex has a tendency to become passionless, even mechanical. Eroticism, passion, and generosity can quickly begin to fade from the relationship. The frequency of sex naturally declines through time.

Help For Sexless Marriage

Emotional pain naturally follows from a marriage devoid of sex. Here are a few sexless marriage tips to help those who find themselves in a sexless marriage.

The first tip for you if you suffer from a sexless marriage is to avoid depression.you may feel naturally inclined to seek sympathy from a trusted friend or family member, but remember that such self-pity will not help the situation, and might actually worsen it.The first step is to accept the fact that your marriage needs to change, and then move forward with the necessary changes.

A vital tip for improving your sexless marriage is to not only consider your feelings and desires.It is natural to feel guilty for the lack of sexual desire in your spouse. Although one spouse will certainly feel hurt, confused, and rejected, the true source is probably deeper within the relationship.

You must also avoid the impression to try to blame your spouse for the lack of intimacy. When a marriage struggles regardless of the cause, it becomes almost instinctive to start place the blame for the situation to their partner.Trying to accuse each other will hurt, rather than improve, the situation.Liability for strengthening the marriage lies equally between both spouses.You must work with rather than your spouse if you want to improve your sexless marriage.

The last of our sexless marriage tips is to remain optimistic. Time can change our priorities.You may move, change jobs, or find new obligations outside of the family.It is vital that you remember to create private time for you and your spouse to spend together.Find time to re-spark your marriage by taking time off from other responsibilities at regular intervals. Check out our list of romantic dates to help you get started. Don't give up, and don't stop trying.

Other Resources You Might Find Helpful

Sexless Marriage Tips

Romantic Date Ideas

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Is Your Marriage in Crisis? Regain the Lost Love and Passion

Divorce is so common because marriage is not easy. It is not easy even during the best of times and in the worst times, when your relationship with your spouse is going through a period of difficulty. Marriage can be demanding and stressful. You just want to be done with it by seeking divorce. However, methods exist that can solve your marriage crisis.

These method work regardless of the crisis you and your spouse are going through, whether it is a death or illness in the family, a natural disaster, financial trouble, problems with children, or some other type of issue.

Couples can handle stressful situations in their relationship by having a plan in place ahead of time before the crisis occurs. In other words, the couple needs to know how to handle an emergency or urgent problem before any type of predicament happens. The strategy outlined below will be sufficient for most couples in working out majority of the serious conditions. By following the guidelines below, you should be able to overcome any marriage crisis as it arises.

Do not hold responsible each other for the condition or situation that you are facing. Accusing each other does not resolve anything, and it could make things worse by intensifying the hostility between the two of you. Instead, be in control of your own actions and be caring of your spouse's needs.

When dealing with a marriage in crisis, try to lower your everyday expectations of how life should function. For example, you may need to compromise on eating out, instead of cooking at home. Or, you may have to let the housekeeping drop temporarily if there isn't time to carry out the daily upkeep of the home.

Do not expect your significant other to pick up your slack as far as everyday life activities go; instead, think about hiring outside help or asking friends for support. If you do not put extra work on your spouse, like making bill payments, running errands etc., the difficult period in your life will likely be less painful.

Be certain to maintain communication with your spouse. Do not use harsh language when speaking; rather, use sweet and nice words. Moreover, never talk down about your spouse in front of others. Talk to your spouse, as you would like your spouse to talk to you. A marriage in crisis can turn into divorce without good communication. Strong communication is the success of any relationship. So, be open-minded when having discussions and certainly pay attention to your spouse's point of view. Also, have the generosity to forgive and move on if there are any issues with miscommunication.

Controlling your anger is another approach to managing crisis in your marriage. Anger only makes the situation worse. Your words and actions go out of control. When your anger subdues, you cannot revert what just happened. So, please make an effort to control your anger.

Approach the situation together. In order, to overcome the crisis in your marriage both you and your spouse needs to work together because the crisis is affecting both of you. Working together can mean facing the problem as one or it can mean getting therapy as a couple; this will depend upon the exact crisis you are facing.

Confide in each other. Make each other believe that your marriage crisis is not going to last forever.

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