What's at the Root of Your Marriage Problems? by Jake Jafims

All relationships run into problems from time to time. You could fill an entire book if you tried to list every possible problem. As soon as you finished someone would come up with more problems to add.

There are as many relationship problems as there are relationships. We're all unique and what one person would view as a problem, someone else might find helpful. It will come as no surprise then, that there isn't one root cause for all marriage problems.

Since you're unique, any problems you are experiencing may have a unique root cause or causes. It can be difficult to discover the root causes but it is possible with determination and teamwork. The first step is to sit down with your spouse and have a conversation.

The goal of this first conversation is to bring up your concerns and to narrow down the possible areas that may be at the root of your relationship problems. Surprisingly, it is not uncommon for one partner to be completely unaware that the other partner feels that there is a problem.

Most marriage counselors agree that the three biggest root causes of marital problems are money, sex and children. If you and your spouse can come to an understanding on these three issues then you've gone a long way toward a successful marriage.

Any of the "big 3" issues can destroy a marriage if the two of you can't come reach an agreement on them. Lets assume that you and your spouse have resolved any issues surrounding the three most common problem areas. We now need to look at a couple of the less common root causes.

Trust, or more specifically, the lack of trust is often a problem. This issue is more common in newer marriages. But suspicions can work their way into any marriage. It is time to sit down and have a talk about trust if you feel that your partner isn't being completely honest. Be prepared to discuss specific events that have made you question your trust.

Being trustworthy requires a commitment on both parties to always be fair, truthful, and consistent and do what you say you will do. It also means being sensitive, respectful and acting as a good listener.

Compatibility may be at the root of your relationship problems. Compatibility issues don't usually show up for years. As life marches on, we all change. Early in your relationship you may have had many common interests. Perhaps you were both into dancing, skiing or NASCAR. Now you find that your interests have drifted apart.

There are many more possible root causes for marital problems. Finding the root cause is a very important step in the process. But it is only the first step. Once you have found the root problem it is time to begin working on the solution.

There are many avenues open to you in your quest to repair your marriage. Marriage counseling is a good choice if you and your spouse can't find the root cause. There is also a lot of great marriage advice available in book and in online products.